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Funny Fiction Drama

“Watch this, he learned this last week…go ahead Rex.” 

“woof ” Rex barked. 

I slid a silver bowl across the wooden floor. 

“What breed is he?” said Allen.

“He’s a mixed breed” I responded while patting the top of Rex’s head with my paw. 

Rex dropped to his elbows and lowered his head, nibbling on the bowl of cereal. Allen examined the body of Rex.

“Sheesh, how tall is he?” 

“ He’s Six feet on the dot—he’s very healthy and strong.”

“Lucky you, my human is pretty short. I want to purchase a new one but the wife wouldn’t approve…speaking of the wife I have to go, don’t want her sniffing my tracks, especially after I told her I would be back twenty minutes ago. Will I be seeing you at the ‘National Human Show’ tomorrow?”

“Of course, I want to bring Rex around other humans, you know…get him acclimated.”

 Allen wagged his tail goodbye. I watched him strut away into the cold, his fur swaying back and forth with each thrust of the fall wind. I shut the dog door. A biting breeze tiptoed upon me, leaving my tail clutched between my hind. I wish I had thick fur like Allen, but I guess that was the sacrifice for my charming black-spotted white coat. 

“Hey Rex, close the window in the kitchen and when you're done come to the living room.”

Rex stood up on his two legs and walked towards the kitchen. His stature was massive, a literal walking giant.  I turned the lock on the dog door with my mouth, trotted into the living room, and leaped up on the couch. The balmy lights comforted me and cast an orange glow over the furniture and walls. With my muzzle, I picked up the T.V. remote on the stand near the couch and curled up, tucking my legs close to my body. Rex walked into the living room but did the unthinkable. He sat down on the couch.

“No Rex…bad human, what did I tell you about sitting on couches or beds? You're supposed to be on the floor. Onto the floor, you go.”

Rex pouted and lackadaisically sank to the floor. He fell onto his knees then the upper half of his body followed suit. The wind smacked against the shingles of the house and whispered through the crevices of windows. I tucked my tail.

“Let’s watch a scary movie buddy.”

I navigated the buttons on the remote until I came across “Cujo”. I selected it and pushed the remote to the side. Without me having to say a peep Rex staggered up to his feet and turned off the living room lamp. That made me pant in approval. Darkness wrapped itself around the room like a swaddle as Rex sat down with his legs crisscrossed. 

“ What ah good boy, you turned off the lights without me having to tell you” 

Rex smiled and barked with joy. 

Five minutes into the movie, I felt my consciousness withering. Sleep was befriending me. I slowly accepted the friendship, after many reluctant blinks. My eyes shut.

***

A wretched barf-worthy stench tapped on my nostrils. It grew stronger with each conscious inhale. I blinked open my eyes to natural light beaming through the house, my eyes tried to correct themselves against the blur. The smell was now touching the back of my throat. I rose from my curled-up laying position. I looked around and Rex was nowhere to be found. Just that god-awful smell. I knew it was close. I peered down from the couch and there lay the solid stinky culprit.

“Rex!” I shouted. The sound of stomping from the kitchen grew louder. And Rex was in a full sprint for the couch. He halted just before making contact with the couch. 

“Rex what is that!” I shouted.

He looked down at the direction my paw pointed in. 

“You are supposed to wake me up if you need to go, that is unacceptable Rex. Come on, the bathroom upstairs is fine, or outside when I take you on walks, but not on the floor. “I wanted to bring you to the event tonight, but I can’t have you embarrassing me tonight.”

“Woof…Woof” Rex yelped with a frown and downcast eyes. 

“Clean it up and meet me in the bathroom, you need a shower buddy”

I leaped off the couch with disappointment in my thoughts, but forgiveness in my heart. These mistakes happen during the training process. He learned so much in the three months since I purchased him, this slip-up was bound to happen, I just hate the process of having to scold him and the sadness in his eyes. It never makes me feel good. I paced up the staircase leading to the bathroom in the hall, and the sound of the steps squawking from heavier steps followed. I pushed the ajar bathroom door wide open. I purposely made the light switches in this house out of my reach, so Rex could get used to turning the lights on and off at my demand. Many owners didn’t think that far ahead. I wanted him to be independent 

“Hey Rex, can you turn this light on buddy” 

Rex flicked the switch up and two warm lights made amends with the natural light coming from the window.

“Don’t be afraid, step into the shower.” Rex didn’t like to shower when I first got him, but he’s slowly coming around. 

Rex took one step after another onto the shower floor. 

“Now turn on the faucet, remember which way?”

Rex whimpered. 

“No…you have to stay in Rex.”

I tapped on the hot faucet with my paw, Rex reached out and placed his hand on the knob.

“Good now turn it clockwise.” 

All five of his thin fingers worked in unison to grip the knob and with a twisting motion of his wrist he turned it.

“No Rex the other way”

He corrected himself and twisted the knob the correct way until water shot out of the shower head. 

His whimpers were now wails.

“Calm down Rex, you were fine yesterday!” Rex’s eyes were pleading to leave.

“Wash up quickly so you can get out of here.” 

Rex snatched the washcloth off the hook in the bathroom, applied liquid soap to his cloth and swiftly ran it across his body.

“Don’t forget to wash every crevice”

Rex made sure every speck of skin on his body was exposed to the mild soap. He walked under the shower head and twirled. I tried my best to hide from the sudsy water flying in my direction, but a few drops splashed my snout.

“Alright, that's enough…here take this.” I brought a towel over, Rex grabbed it out of the clenches of my teeth. 

He did a few wiggles before rubbing the towel along his body. Rex stepped out of the shower and dried himself off with a navy blue towel. I watched him walk off to his room, I wanted to stop him, but this was the tough love aspect needed that made every dog and Human interaction worthwhile. I already had a speech for later in the back of my head that would rekindle this minor rift. He will get it right—in due time.

March 28, 2024 01:15

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6 comments

Jesse Kae
12:37 Mar 30, 2024

Love the concept, and the writing is succinct and easy to read.

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Kristi Gott
07:30 Mar 29, 2024

Lol. I enjoyed this light, whimsical response to the prompt. As a dog lover I can relate. Good job!

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Alexis Araneta
11:55 Mar 28, 2024

Hahahaha ! I had to smile at the flipped version where humans are pets. Lovely job !

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Trudy Jas
03:37 Mar 28, 2024

Jahson, this is funny! Creative, Original. You must have a dog and trained it from a pup.

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Jahson Clarke
12:59 Mar 28, 2024

Funny thing is I’ve never had a dog, only cats. Appreciate the kind words Trudy.

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Trudy Jas
16:16 Mar 28, 2024

Cats rule!

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