Sweet as Sugar

He remembered when he was a little boy, his mama would squeeze him and tell him, “You’re as sweet as sugar.” 

But then she died.  One of her boyfriends beat her to death one night while they were smoking meth,

Don’t let the state take you.  

But at fourteen, Jasper K. Hawkins stood in front of a sour faced judge who did not have time for certain kids from certain neighborhoods who had no fathers and no one willing to take on this troubled teenager.

“I remand you to the care of the state.” The judge smacked his gavel and Jasper was taken away by a couple of case workers, Ms Phillips and Mr. Roark.

“Come along, Jasper.” Ms Phillips pulled at his arm, but he just yanked it away and a security guard started toward them, but Ms Phillips said, “Don’t worry, we got him.” 

The guard went back to where he had come from, but he was staring at Jasper.

“C’mon.  We’ll play a game when we get you back to the home.” Mr. Roark suggested, but Jasper bowed his head.  He was powerless.  Grunge Monster had told him about the home since he had done some time there.  Oscar Wexler known as Grunge Monster due to his sloppy appearance and his oversized Nike sweatsuit, usually black to hide his food stains, had warned Jeebs as Jasper was known, about the home.  Community Youth Center was just a jazzed up juvie with full screen televisions chained to the wall and magazines of no interest to the boys at the center or home.  Sixty rooms, two boys to a room and a communal bathroom that always stank of shit and other rank odors.  There were basketball tournaments sponsored by some of the community United Way members, but outside of that there was not much else.  

Driving up to the three story brick building with the professionally trimmed grounds, Jasper knew that this was a jumping off point to prison like where his so-called father was serving a long sentence for armed robbery.  His mother Lucielle told him about his father, but her tone was very condescending using a lot of bad adjectives to describe him, but then he never liked J. C. anyway and when he finally snapped and killed his mother, Jasper was out with his homies shooting hoop at the park.  When he got home, the police were already there, lights flashing as they escorted J.C. to the patrol car in handcuffs.  One of the officers stopped him, “Hey kid, what are you doing here?” His tone was not friendly in any way,

“I live here.” He rolled his eyes.

“Oh.” The officer’s expression changed completely and then he looked Jasper in the eye, “Son, I’ve got some bad news.” 

I’ve got some bad news.  Sure enough.  Now he was powerless.  They drove him to a place to hold him for a while until they could figure out what to do with him. 

She told him he was going to be someone special one day and he believed her until she got mixed up with J.C. and they both started smoking the pipe.  Then she would turn into a she-bitch and then he could not do any more right.  It was Jasper this and Jasper that and then J.C. would go sticking his big nose where it didn’t belong, threatening to knock Jasper into next year.  Tough guy.

Grunge Monster sat with Jasper on the park bench next to the basketball court.  His mother was doing time for possession as one of the victims in the War on Drugs while his father left before he was born never to be seen again. He had gone to the community youth center and had been taken to a foster home where the couple were more interested in the monthly check than in keeping track of their foster son.  Oscar called them his Parasites which Jasper always thought was funny, but even with all of that Oscar was still a good friend and always had Jasper’s back.

“I just hate that dude.” Jasper said on the night his mother was murdered. They had been playing basketball all day, because Jasper did not want to go home and see J.C. and his mom smoking and Oscar said his parasites were on him about cleaning his room and his lousy grades. 

“He’s messed up, bro.” Oscar bounced the ball on the cement. 

“She was doing alright before he came along.” Jasper let the air blow through his cheek sounding like a tire had suddenly sprung a leak. “One day I’m going to leave and I won’t ever come back.” 

“Maybe we should go together.  We’ll go do Cali, surf some waves find us some girls with tanned bodies and big boobies.” He snickered as they clasped hands and shook.  

“Are you Jasper Hawkins?” The uniformed man asked as he stood at the door with the bars in the window.

“Yessur.” He answered without blinking.  There was a buzz and the door opened allowing him to enter.

“Welcome Jasper Hawkins to Wing F.” The man said his name as if it was a dirty word, but Jasper passed holding his backpack over his shoulder.

“Room 4J.” He pointed down the hall and then the door slammed shut.  “I’m Officer Rolland White. I’m the Wing F superintendent.”  His smile seemed slimy and Jasper kept walking down the hall.  4A...4B...4C…

The door to 4J was open and a kid about Jasper’s age was sprawled out on the right cot reading a Playboy magazine with the centerfold opened and a half smile on his face.  Looking up as Jasper entered the room, he smiled, but in his smile he revealed a missing front tooth.  As Jasper put his backpack down on the vacant cot, the boy whistled, “Well looky here.  I got me a new roommate.  My name is Charles Swartz, but you call me Buzz, got that.”

“Yeah, I got it.” Jasper sneered and sat down on the end of his rack.

“You don’t snore do ya?” Buzz asked, tilting his head like an owl who had just spotted a mouse. 

“Not that I know of.” Jasper sniffed.

“Hope not. I’m a light sleeper and I don’t like snoring.” He nodded.

“My name is Jasper, but call me Jeebs.” He lay back on his cot, there were many bumps and hard spots in the bare mattress. 

“Jeebs?  Naw, I’ll call ya Jasper. Mr. Jasper.” He chuckled and picked up his magazine.

It was hard getting to sleep, but when he did, he slept heavily.

“Wake up, sunshine.” He heard someone say into his ear. Slowly Jasper began to retreat from his dream where his mother was telling him he was sweet as sugar.  Slowly opening his eyes, Officer White’s fat face came into focus.  “Rise and shine buttercup.” 

“Whaaa.” He managed to sit up.

“This is contraband.” Officer White held up the Playboy Magazine Buzz had deposited on his bed.

“Ain’t mine.” Jasper yawned.

“It’s on your bed.” He flipped through the pages.

“It belongs to Buzz.” He pointed to the empty rack beside his.

“You mean Charles Schwartz?” He corrected Jasper.

“He told me to call him Buzz.” Jasper said defensively.

“In this unit we call each other by our given names, got that?” He sneered. 

“Yes Officer White.” Jasper closed his eyes.

“And I am putting you on report for this.” He shook the magazine in Jasper’s face. 

And so began his auspicious start at the Community Youth Center.

“Your grades are good.” Mr. Simmons the Program Superintendent said as he looked over Jasper’s file on his desk.  Jasper was seated in an uncomfortable plastic chair in front of Mr. Simmons’ desk.  “You have no police record either.  We should be able to place you in a foster home without any problems.  Just keep your nose clean Mr. Halkings.”

“That’s Hawkins, sir.” He corrected him.

“Oh so it is.” He hummed, but he really didn’t care one way or the other. “Well welcome to the center.  Heard you like basketball.” 

“Yessir.” He nodded, but in reality he had no interest in playing for some scrub team from the center.  He knew better than to say what was on his mind, J.C. had drilled that into him more than a few times.

He went out to the outside court where Buzz and a few boys that looked like him with their short haircuts and tattoos.  

“Hey Jasper.” Buzz called to him.

“Yeah.” 

“We gonna have a three on three, interested?” Buzz smiled letting his gap show.

“Sure.” He nodded.

“You and Squinty and Rover.” Buzz pointed to the boys, “Against me, Roff, and Skitch.  We’ll take it out”

The boys took the court with Squinty and Rover flanking Jasper.  Buzz tossed the ball to Roff who was nearly six foot tall and built like a brick house.  Turning he brought his elbow into Jasper’s abdomen making him double over in pain.

“So sorry.” Roff said as sarcastically as he could.  Squinty helped Jasper back to his feet, still rubbing his midsection. 

“Yeah that’s a foul.” Buzz declared as he tossed the ball to Rover.  Taking the ball out, Rover lobbed a pass to Jasper and as he turned toward the basket, Roff brought his elbow up to Jasper’s jaw this time.  Jasper fell hard to the court as the ball bounced out of bounds. 

“Our ball then.” Buzz retrieved the ball.

“If you sons-of-a bitches play like that, I quit.” Jasper rubbed his jaw which was beginning to swell.

“Basketball is a tough sport.” Roff shrugged as if he was innocent.

Buzz tossed the ball to his big man, but this time Jasper ran full force into Roff and grabbed the ball as he fell to the court. Buzz put his hands on his hips and yelled, “Foul.” 

But as he did, Roff got to his feet and made a picture perfect tackle on Jasper driving him hard to the concrete. This time Jasper did not get up.

In the infirmary, Nurse Wilson dressed the open abrasions on Jasper’s legs as he winced with each application of antiseptic.  She looked at him over her glasses and said, “Playing basketball, I see.”

“Yes ma’am.” He winced.

“:Those boys are pretty rough, you know.” She applied more as Jasper sucked air.

“Yeah, I kinda got that.” He looked at all of the bandages she had put on his open wounds. 

“Take my advice.  Don’t play with them.  Just keep your head low and don’t come back to my office.” She smiled.

“Thank you.” He nodded as she was the first person that made him feel like someone.  

That was the trick, making sure you kept everyone feeling powerless at all times. Otherwise some of the boys might start believing they were worth something, like someone who was better than this hell hole.

The movie shown at the recreation room was Holes and Jasper could not stomach the movie until the end.  What was the difference between what those boys were going through and what he was experiencing here.  He sat in the waiting area, but it was unsupervised.

“What are you doing sitting here?” Mr Simmons asked as he left his office for the day.

“That movie is trash.” He answered honestly.

“That movie is one of my favorites.” He sounded offended.

“I can’t take it no more.” Jasper was on the verge of tears.

“Honey, you is as sweet as sugar.” He heard his mother tell him.

“You can’t sit out here all by yourself.” Mr. Simmons fumed just like the warden in the movie they were watching in the recreation room.  

He was powerless.  The train he was on would take him to prison where his father was and where J.C. would be soon and where three of his cousins were and people from his family he had never met, because they were all doing time.  He stood up and walked back to the recreation room standing just outside the door.  Mercifully the movie ended and he could hear the boys inside the room all say what a great movie it was, but Jasper knew it was just another device to keep them placated to the fact that none of them would go very far since their lives had already been determined. 

Mr. John Rojas was the counselor for Wing F and he would meet with the boys at least once a month for therapy.  He was a nice man with thinning black hair and a big bushy mustache and a nice laugh.  He would tilt his head from one side to the other as the boy would speak during therapy.  He did not seem to mind Jasper’s ethnicity or his manner of speaking about his old neighborhood and Jasper got the sense that Mr. Rojas had grown up in an urban neighborhood, too. 

“Your mother was murdered, so I’m told.” He once said during therapy.

“Yes, her boyfriend killed her.  Beat her to death.  She choked on her own blood.” His voice was cold and distant, but he had read the police report as Bessie, his mother’s best friend and neighbor had insisted. 

“I can’t imagine anything like that.” He sighed, “I really want you to know, it’s okay to feel what you feel.” 

“Sometimes, I don’t feel anything and that makes me feel even worse.” He put his hand on his head as if it was suddenly too heavy for his neck to bear any longer.  “She used to tell me that I was as sweet as sugar.”

John took a deep breath. “Sounds like she really loved you.” 

“She did till he came along.  They started smoking crack...meth.” He tilted his head back.

“And yet you don’t do any of that.” 

“And I ain’t never gonna either.  I seen what it does to folks.  Turns them into monsters where all they think about is themselves and they don’t give a shit about anyone else.” His anger was clearly expressed in his voice.

“My mama got us out of Mexico when my father began working for the cartel.  I have no idea if he’s alive or dead.  I presume he’s dead.” He nodded with a frozen smile on his face, but it was not real and Jasper knew it. “She told me how much she loved me too especially when the gringo kids made fun of me at school on account of my accent.  It took me a long time to get rid of it, but I am not ashamed for all she did for me and my brothers.” 

Jasper had never heard of anyone spilling out the truth while he had been here so far, but when John looked at him from the corner of his eye, he said softly, “And people who love me call me Juan.”

“Alright Juan.” Jasper smiled for the first time since coming to this place.

“Jasper Hawkins.” Mr. Simmons called him into his office.

“Yessir.” Jasper walked in and found Mr. Simmons smiling.

“I have a court directive.  Mrs. Saunders has signed a petition for your adoption.” He put the document on his desk in front of Jasper.

“Bessie wants me?” He picked up the paper and read it over.

“Well, there still has to be a court hearing, but that’s just a legal formality.” He nodded. “I’m glad you were able to keep out of trouble.” 

Jasper knew better than to say anything since he was still powerless to just walk out of here on his own.  It was best to just nod and smile and not let on that you knew their big secret. Buzz glowered at Jasper as he packed his backpack and walked out of the room for the last time. Bessie’s car was waiting for him in front of the Community Youth Center, that three story brick monstrosity that demanded compliance over individuality.  In a minute all of that would be in the rearview mirror. 

After the court hearing and adoption was finalized, Jasper went home with his mother’s best friend Bessie Saunders.  They were quiet on the ride home. But when he stepped out of the car, the old apartment building was there before him and tears filled his eyes.

“Yawr mama wanted this for you.” Bessie said, trying to suppress her own tears. “It took some doing, but this is your new home. She left you a note.  I’ve been holding it to the right time.”

Dear Jasper,

I love you with all my heart.  I know I haven’t been the mother you had hoped for, but I only wanted what was best for you and when I couldn’t give it to you, I became someone else.  You were my boy, you are as sweet as sugar.

Love mom

“I reckon I’ll take it from here.” Bessie sniffed and wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. They would walk into her small place hand in hand. 

“C’mon, watch my shows with me.” She patted the couch.  Jasper did not really care for television, but he found great comfort sitting next to her as she watched her shows and continued to glance over at him smiling as if it was always meant to be. 

That feeling he had at the Community Youth Center evaporated and he no longer felt the powerlessness of that three story brick building.

Later he went to the park where Grunge Monster was teaching some of the younger kids how to shoot a jumper.  His eyes lit up when he saw Jasper coming toward the court.

“I heard about your escape from that place.” They gave a healthy bro-hug. 

“I’m home.” He nodded looking at his old friend feeling the power surge through him as his mother’s voice echoed in his head, “You are my boy, Jasper, you are as sweet as sugar. Always.”