Caged

"YOU never let me do what I want, YOU always go against what I say and who I want to be. When are you ever going to be proud of me?!" The teen screamed out to her drunken mother, hands in her hair, and mascara running down her disappointed face. The older woman in front of her only looked at her child with that of a tired sailor, hand on a ship's wheel that was her wineglass. The teen didn't see, but she was clutching the glass as if it was about to run away from her. "When I told you I liked other girls I expected you to support me, but what did I get mom?" The younger woman continues to pester, slamming her hands down on the counter in front of the drunk. "You don't even deserve to be called a mother, huh Margaret?" she adds, staring the mother down with harsh eyes. This was the last straw for the older woman, slamming her wine glass down on the ground, leaving scattered pieces of broken glass there as she stands up. 

"Go to your room, Diana." Margaret says, pointing a threatening finger at her daughter, moving in to face her, stepping over the broken glass as if it were cotton, brows furrowed and mouth forming a scowl. Diana laughs at this, though seeing her mother step on the glass still scared her inside she would throw her head back, punching the counter once more. "MARGARET, I asked you time and time again, WHEN will you ever be proud of me? Are you doing this just because I'm dating h-" Her question wasn't finished as she receives a barrage of slaps and punches from the one person she thought she would receive comfort from all her life. 

It wasn't always like this. There was a time when her mother poured love into her, so much that Margaret would have suffered her own heartbreak, leaving her as an emoty husk as she continued to pour it on her only daughter, losing sense of love completely after so many years. Diana always wanted to help her out, always wishing she could do more to help the older woman. But it is in these dark days, with heart smashed upon the floor, that she know Margaret wasn't capable of real love and she never were. Someone who doesn't care to be fixed, can never be fixed. She can either stay in misery or find a way out of this life that was killing her soul.

"YES, you weren't supposed to be with that bitch, YOU HAVE TO MARRY A MAN." Margaret held unto her daughter's shoulders tightly, shaking her as if that would solve anything, as if it would shake the feelings she had of the person she liked out of her. "WHY DO I HAVE TO BE WITH SOMEONE I DON'T AND WILL NEVER LIKE?" Diana screams back, throwing herself away from her mother. "I love her mom-" Margaret throws her hands up in the air with a crazed look on her face, looking as if she had been stuck in an island alone for years on end and ending up insane because of it. Her eyes bulging out of their sockets, cheeks flushed as she pulls on her hair. Diana looked to her, swallowing a huge lump on her throat. Her mother wad turning crazy right in front of her. Soon enough, the older woman would calm down, looking to Diana.

"Because I said so, honey." She finally gives a small smile, placing her hands on her head, letting her fingers run down the tangled mess of blonde hair, she approaches her sobbing daughter, ignoring the flinch that the younger woman showed. Hand caressing the throbbing and bruised cheek that her daughter had attained from the unfortunate encounter. "In this household, what I say...goes...okay?" She says softly, trying to give her a hug, pulling her in.

 Sometimes there was nothing physical about the abuse, but Diana was shattered nonetheless. Every facet of her personality was denigrated and shunned. She was less than nothing, just a sore spot that her mother stepped on, kicked away or even spat on. Diana slaps her hand away, moving back. "No. You're crazy. You're-" Diana points a finger at the older lady, unable to spit out anything, instead she moves back even more before leaving the room and out the home. This was the last time that she'll ever argue with her mother again, the last time that she'll ever deal with her. 

"Promise yourself..promise." She sobbed, closing the door behind her, placing a hand on her chest. Outside, the rain thundered down, making it seem as though she was never crying. She screamed like her body was rebelling against her existence - as if she'd arrived in a world that made no sense at all. Her skin craved cuddles; her mind craved the rocking sensation of being carried by her mother. The outcome was the same as every other time, a shout, then ignored. 

Why was it so hard to gain her mother's love, to be able to hug her again after all this time. She wanted to go back and tell herself that Margaret would change, but she knew from the stinging sensation on her cheek, and the aching pain in her heart that it will never happen, nothing will ever change, especially if that someone was as stubborn as the woman back inside. 

"Promise..Promise.." Beating herself up seemed to be the most plausible option at the moment. She didn't want to go back, but in the end, inside that house was her hurting mother. "She's toxic, she'll never love you." Diana blurts out, falling on her knees. Her clothes were soaked, and strands of her hair stuck to her cheek snd her forehead. A few minutes would have passed as she continued to sit their, her knees ached, and her fingertips were turning blue. She still can't decide between leaving or staying. One way or another someone dies. 

So for now, she lets go of any feeling. Walking back in to treat her right, treat her better. Making sure that every minute spent here will never break her resolve. Someday she'll be able to break free, but for now, she's stuck..caged up. Never seeing the sun.