This all started courtesy Kuritsky car ruckus in Venezuela...

Brought about my premature birth, or so the story goes. Youngest of four involved in crash test dummy with hit or miss, and run. Vehicle subsequently deemed most fit for scrap metal. What a bang up job the wrecked automobile, which importantly gave life to the following anecdote. Hence, I pieced, stitched, and wove together tidbit of information, and resorted to fabrication only when necessary lack of information available to recount my purported debut into the world of mortals. Though deep into January (thirteenth tubby exact – thirteenth minute of thirteenth second...), the temperature balmy as expected, this part of the world, when mother (the eldest unmarried senorita of well known and wealthy family) found herself with child bearing sooner than expected (based on series of unfortunate events) during most recent holiday gathering. Of course the uncle denies supposedly forced abduction, especially after he swore fealty to president. The explanation, how an April fool's prank involving disappearing pickle went toe dill lee awry equals lame truth. Just like most other kids, yours truly born out of wedlock. Where once "bastard" stigma and/or immediate shotgun wedding demanded unmarried lass to get hitched as soon as possible. Mores (reed more rays) loosened up nsync with rapidity how buck seething with hormonal secretion of dropped his drawers. The immediate supposed father oft times surprisingly discovered none other than grand pooh bah who fathered countless children already. So one more mouth to feed the requisite outcome versus terminating the pregnancy. Thus free of guilt or shame, another healthy baby boy came screaming his little lungs out. No idea (even to this dying day), what reason explained such ear splitting wailing. This inconsolable sobbing abruptly ceased once passed arbitrary infant phase. As a toddler, albeit an exceptionally calm, cool, and collected trademark demeanor got exhibited by the old man recounting fuzzily warm details. At an early age, a distinct preference for solitude prevailed. Additionally, I naturally gravitated toward libraries in general, and books in particular. An instinctive ability to acquire more than one language found much younger self of mine mastering a gamut of various and sundry tongues. Hodgepodge of racial diversity the ideal circumstances for adept preschooler gifted with natural propensity to converse adroitly among many peoples. The following estimated ratios encompassing nationalities that cannot adequately hint at the lingua franca comprising melting pot. Within boundaries constituting motherland (mine), the following surmised distribution attempts to offer an inkling highlighting panoply of population. Within an area encompassing three hundred and fifty three thousand, and eight hundred and forty one square miles there roughly exists Chinese (400,000), Portuguese (254,000) and Italian (200,000), are the most spoken languages in Venezuela after the official language of Spanish. Wayuu is the most spoken indigenous language with 170,000 speakers. Inherent bent of mine amazing ability to learn (and not surprisingly love) an assortment of languages at a tender age immediately bespoke a golden opportunity to allow, enable, and provide monetary income for thy teenage senorita whose pride swelled with joy once upon a long time ago bringing paid gigs, whereby yours truly touted as some precious possession. The ease with which words tumbled out mouth of little lad (in) aforesaid (hint - see title of this informal communique) South American country would bare require me to break a sweat. Thus numerous wealthy patrons sought brilliant, excellent, magnificent human instrument gussied up performing (without needing to audition) exemplary adulation with concomitant knack to weave blessed gratuity to benign creator specifically take the stage by storm performing, viz prodigal humility: Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat or other theatrical renditions incorporating Joseph from the Bible's Book of Genesis. Though Christianity predominantly the largest religion in Venezuela, with Roman Catholicism having the most adherents. The influence of the Catholic Church was introduced in its colonization by Spain. Nonetheless liberal acceptance tolerated regarding loose religious entertainment intended for general public. Countless questions (about evolution of Homo sapiens) loomed large within maturing inquisitive mind recollecting piecemeal childhood, (a somewhat storied past – mine) more than half century ago, never could blatant atheism be trumpeted. This skeptical mindset became more problematic, when Church fathers came calling, especially to iterate broadcasts spoken in Latin, that cherished symbolically represented Mother tongue birthing bulwark, prolific gamut of offspring languages. Enemies (envious scions claiming a rightful stake), especially where riches proliferated near milking this cash cow to death. Courtesy mine innocent, naive aspirations to contribute communication talents (mine) to society (high, lowbrow, or otherwise) met

with growing hostility. Even during those ensuing early years inviting accolades galore, fame, fortune...rumor attested scheme(s) generated to upend gosling laying one after another figurative golden chicken and egg thing, whereby cruel fates sought to cook this goose. After progeny metamorphosed into handsome swan never ending frightful muck cob bra fed girdling those persons at odds against self and kin donned metaphorical lucky duck. Herewith I write less about about schemes abounding, claiming, debasing... beloved mother. She of late suddenly propositioned by one after another gentleman, none whose hand she accepted in marriage. The main political advantage would naturally accrue to those self anointed head honcho. They (the collective kit and kaboodle of boastful, egocentric, ornery... philistines – accepting faux kitsch made by one of their adherents in conjunction with Oh Sherry ya law) only increasingly fueled figurative grist for rumor mills to spew approbious, biased, cruel... hate filled dreck. Existence became traumatic, particularly when death threats added to the mix of utterly (hermetically sealed) ugly lies, and fake misdemeanors. We (self and immediate family) needed to act without a moment to waste. Urgent action spurred whim to find shelter in another country. The world wide web served as literal oyster. That plus cutting low profile would downplay feeling like fugitive on the run. Surreptitious operative codeword . Hmm perhaps adopting guise as rookie photographer.

Obvious appropriate cosmetic surgery would be necessary, and/or some adulteration to garden variety generic guy. If not said choice, eyes could scroll thru mental rolodex, and contact superb makeup artists. He/she ought bring unrecognizable transformation be easy as pizza cake, pie r squared, piazza door ter rah rah boom-de-ay, plus nifty moniker, could generate lucrative livelihood. Ah yea, I could imagine myself now as as notion as of iteration linguistic shutterbug for National Geographic. Exotic job assignments could take me far and wide trotting across the four corners of globe. No greater risk of life and/or limb could imperil more so than pitting verbal/written latent abilities with fellow humans. Matter of fact methinks the knack toward easy acquisition to master one human language or another, could be a boon if similar ease of grasping mode faux pas (i.e. four paw) gesticulation nsync with yakking, twittering, kickstarting snapchatting with animals much less wilder than Homo sapiens. How liberating to become adept convincingly communicating with another species other, and serving as sounding board against future extinction of endangered living things. Unlikely cutthroat fierce inscrutable wanton linkedin killing in cold stone blooded killing (to appease the monster of hatred), would threaten vis a vis my demise. Verdict and/or jury out right now, but such novel vocation might allow, enable and provide fusion of two strong interests. Yacht ta yacht ta yacht ta... would most definitely be a major deterrent if asked to deliver important letter.