Awake

Sensitive theme - medical trauma

I stirred from a deep sleep to the steady beat of a pulse. First, I felt it faintly throughout my body, then as I ventured closer to consciousness, I realized I was hearing the sound of a consistent beep. The beat filled the air every other second. My first thought was that my alarm clock went off, and it was time to get ready for school. Quickly, I remembered that I no longer went to school. I was an adult… I think. Everything felt quite fuzzy. 

That thought process was swiftly abandoned when I opened my eyes. I gazed directly at the crease where the wall meets the ceiling. I could determine the room was long since the focal point felt far away, or perhaps it was just a hazy perception of my surroundings. However, the architecture appeared to have an over-the-top fanciness to it. There was a decedent gold trim where the walls connected and an elaborate painting that looked like some sort of Greek god on the ceiling. I didn’t get to focus on who it was because my brain immediately wanted to pivot to another sense, an absolutely horrible, painstaking feeling in my head. It peaked right in the middle of my forehead and traveled outwards to all four limbs. I struggled to discern whether my entire body ached or if the overwhelming energy concentrated in my head messed with my perception. The natural reaction to feeling such intense pain would be to scream, but I discovered I was unable to. I was barely able to open my mouth. The strength it would take to move my jaw felt like the equivalent of carrying two-hundred-pound weights. A moan couldn't even escape my lips because my throat felt like it had been shaved with sandpaper. I didn’t understand how - 

“Oh my, oh my, I’m delighted to see you are awake!” My thoughts were interrupted by this overly cheerful woman with curly, red hair cut into a bob.   

She must have come from the far side of the room. I didn't hear her approach, but I realized the sound I heard was from monitors one would find in a hospital. 

“You are such a super duper trooper!” the redhead chuckled to herself. “I certainly love to rhyme.”

What happened that I needed all these monitors? How can I tell her how much pain I'm in if I can't speak? I hoped to meet her gaze when she began to fiddle with wires and a monitor on the left side of my bed. 

“Don’t you worry sweetheart, I’m just making sure everything is doing what it was supposed to do!” She spoke so loudly as if she were the lead in a play on stage with no microphone. Her voice echoed off the walls of the expansive room. 

“I’m going to check your eyes, then we will be all done for now!” A bright light flashed on my left pupil. She leaned forward and said in a rushed, vicious whisper. “You need to act so fucking dumb when he comes in later, Samantha. Like you don’t know the difference between up and down.” 

My first thought was that she didn’t need to worry about that. I literally feel like I didn’t know up from down. My second thought was a panicked realization that I needed to figure out what was happening here. Her change in tone was alarming, amongst everything else I have discovered since I opened my eyes a few minutes ago.

“See you later, sweet pea!” she exclaimed cheerfully, switching her tone to the over-the-top, joyous one. As she walked away, I noticed her uniform looked like she’d been transported back to the fifties. Most notable was the white hat pinned to her head. It was set on her head an inch or two back from her hairline, making a tall half-circle shape. The rest of her outfit comprised a white collared dress that flowed around her waist and covered her legs until the mid-calf. I still felt highly fuzzy, but something in me knew that her attire wasn't right. In the same way, this room wasn't correct. The grand ceilings, the mural …I was not in a hospital. I was somewhere that was performing some sort of private medical care. All my questions began to spin out of control in my head. What was this place? Why was I here? How did I get here? What had happened before the surgery? Why was I having it?  Can the nurse be trusted? 

My thoughts were interrupted by seeing the nurse run towards me. “Shit, shit, shit,” she said in a hushed and hurried tone. It was unlike the harsh one she used earlier and utterly different from when I woke up a few minutes ago.  I figured it was her natural voice, the way she talked when she wasn't in the middle of whatever this was.

“Alright, he’s getting impatient. He wants to see you way sooner than I expected. I’m pushing Atavian into your IV right now. It’s too soon for you to communicate with him. I’ll catch you up to speed when you wake up again. I must ensure he doesn’t find what we did to Dr. Schafer.”

 A faint memory stirred in my back when she mentioned Dr. Schafer. I know I’ve heard that name before, and my body's reaction was to have a bottomless pit in my stomach on top of the pain throughout my body. It was slowly subsiding due to the medication she had just given me. I was fighting the downiness effects. I needed to know who the man who had the nurse so rattled was and who was in charge of this haunting hospital mansion. 

“Sally, my dear, I thought I told you to notify me as soon as our patient here awoke.” the mystery man said in a commanding voice. 

“Yes, exactly, sir. I wanted to ensure she was awake before coming to fetch you, sir. She simply was stirring a bit!” she declared with an annoying chipper back on full display.

“ Well, be better, Sally! I’m eagerly awaiting to see Dr. Schafer's beautiful work he did with the operation.”

My ability to stay awake started to slip in this moment.  I knew the conversation was vital to listen to answer my questions, so I attempted to hold on. I needed more information. 

“His work will be beyond your wildest dreams, sir!”

“Well, it better be. Reinstating lobotomies back into the general medical practice is so important in order to reverse the downfall of our society! And that man is the right guy to make history. I ought to find him so we can celebrate. Sally, get us two scotch on the rocks. I cannot wait to…

Then, all slipped back to dark again. My questions will not be answered until I awake in this nightmare again.