The train station at Xartha has always been my favourite place to spend a Sunday afternoon. Every few minutes, a new onslaught of tourists would pile into the station, creating a cacophonous racquet that filled the air. Today I was in my usual hiding place, amongst the pigeons in the rafters, where I was quietly watching the never-ending circus that had come to experience one of the most popular destinations in the galaxy, Xartopia.
‘Stay close!’ ‘Mind your feet! ‘Watch out!’ came the cries of concerned parents, as their young pointed, squirmed, and jumped to reach the entrance to Xartopia, Earth’s ‘greatest’ theme park. Whilst aliens from all over the universe came to explore the supposed wonders the park held, I was here to view the unique specimens that disembarked off the train, discover their secrets and observe their ways.
Today my eyes had fallen on a large group of aliens adorning the most astonishing hats, some so elaborate and cumbersome it appeared that the mere weight of them would topple their bodies over. I quickly scanned the group with my DigiAnalysis400 to see what I would find. I skimmed over the basic details of race and location and found what I was looking for under culture and traditions.
- The Aeronion race will often be seen sporting rather fantastical headpieces, as this is a sign of their rank and station within their society. While all Aeronion’s wear some form of headwear, only the upper classes can wear a headpiece larger than 3 inches high. Due to this cultural phenomenon, many fashion designers have taken advantage of this trend and migrated to Aerona.
Interesting. Now, whilst I enjoyed expanding my ever-growing cultural knowledge of the world, my prime motivation for spending my Sunday afternoons here was of a financial nature. You see, the tourists that pour in from all around the galaxy are generally gullible, naïve, and most importantly, extremely wealthy. All of this adds up to easy targets for a young entrepreneurial boy who needs the extra cash to buy his way out of this hell-hole.
Now I don’t mean to generalise, but the type of tourists that are interested in the tacky type of theme park that Xartopia is, are exactly the type of tourists who are too lazy to do any research on the race that resides in the area. All they care about are the cheesy rides and ridiculous parades. So even though it would take them mere minutes to find out the most basic information about the everyday human, I was almost a hundred percent certain, that they had not bothered to do this. This gave me the perfect opportunity to deceive my Aeronion friends.
My plan for the Aeronion’s was pretty straightforward. The lines at Xartopia were no joke, and it was not unusual for tourists to wait up to 10 hours to gain admission into the park’s ‘delights’. Therefore, I had a few hours to secure what I needed. And that my friend, was a ridiculous hat.
I quickly searched my DigiAnalysis400 for the nearest costume store and raced down there. The store had a plethora of hats to choose from, but I simply went to the shop assistant and asked, ‘Can I please have your largest, most elaborate hat please.’ She did not disappoint. The hat she gave me must have been part of a fantastical creation, it had feathers stretching out from every facet, glitter that shone off every surface, and an interesting phallic object of humbling proportions that I can only assume was designed to intimidate. ‘I’ll take it,” I smiled.
With my magnificent, and ridiculous, hat placed firmly on my head, I scanned the lines of the amusement park, looking for my Aeronion friends. Thanks to their rather prominent headwear, this was not a difficult task. I headed in their direction.
‘Well hello there, that’s a rather majestic headpiece you’re sporting there,’ I greeted the Aeronion with the largest hat, who I assumed was the leader of the group. The Aeronion turned my way, and upon seeing my equally elaborate headpiece, visibly lit up.
‘Why thank you good sir!’ he replied, my DigiAnalysis400 quickly translating his otherwise high-pitched squawking into perfect English. ‘Can I say that you too have quite an extravagant creation yourself? Not like some others around here,’ his voice changed to disdain as he eyed various hatless creatures that surrounded us.
‘Oh why thank you, you are too kind. Yes, unfortunately, Xartopia attracts all types from across the galaxy and we can hardly refuse them entry if they can pay the fee.”
“Hmm, I suppose. But truly, even the Squarothions manage to at least cover their atrocious scalps! This sort of indecency is scandalous!”
“Indeed!” I agreed, nodding vigorously, “Really, something should be done.”
He then began to eye me suspiciously, “Well since you’re obviously a high-ranking Earthling, why haven’t you done anything to amend this obvious misdemeanour?”
Shit. This guy was sharper than I had expected. My mind began to race as I attempted to weave a tale that would leave my friend reassured of my position.
“Well,” I began, “Xartopia has just decreed a tourist visa that exempts all aliens from conforming to the appropriate customs and behaviours that civilised species acknowledge.”
“Hmm,” he grunted, his attention starting to waiver. I was losing him.
“You see Xartopia is attempting to open its doors to the diverse, and somewhat uncivilised, populations, but we do recognise superior specimens when we see them, much like yourself.” At first, I thought I might be laying it on a bit thick, but the Aeronion beamed at the compliment and puffed his chest like an overstuffed rooster.
“Well, I guess that’s understandable, it’s just rather frustrating to be forced to rub shoulders with these miscreants,” he grimaced whilst watching a rather bulbous creature scratch his completely bald head.
“Oh, I do agreed! But there might be something I could offer you, in ways of assistance...”
“Really?” His eyes flickered with interest again. “What sort of assistance?”
“Well, it’s pretty clear to me that you come from a much higher class than this rabble, so it hardly seems fair that you stand here amongst the everyday alien.”
His eyes narrowed in, “Go on…” his voice was now excited, he was clearly hanging on to every word I spoke.
“Well, as an Earthling I know of some ‘secret’ entrances that could have you riding the Starlight Express ride in moments. You see, we can’t tell everyone as that would create chaos, but there are a select few that we share these shortcuts with, those who we can tell are deserving.” I spoke in a hushed voice, leaning in as the Aeronion lapped up my fabricated tale.
“Of course, of course!” he exclaimed. “I understand completely!”
“Well, if you and your lovely family would like to follow me back to the station I would be more than happy to lead you through one of our underground VIP entrances, where you will pop up in the heart of Xartopia.”
“Yes, yes! Lead the way! I cannot wait another minute in this horrid line! Come family, let us follow our knowledgeable friend.” He herded his family to follow my direction as I led them back to the station, down the stairs of a narrow corner, and into a dark abandoned room. I waited until the last one of those Aeronions had rushed through the door before slamming it shut and locking it closed. I waited for the three knocks that assured me that our prey had been captured. An envelope slid under the door containing my fee, $10’000 earth dollars.
Now you might call me heartless, you might call me an advantageous little creep, but at the end of the day when that door closes, my job is done. Personally, I find it hard to sympathise with anyone who would travel across the galaxy, simply to experience what can only be described as the phoniest theme park in the world. All I know is that another few jobs like today, and I’ll be out of here, a tourist myself.
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6 comments
An explanation of some of the terms you invented would help. Other than that, great job.
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Hehe nice little tourist trap you created there. Great story, keep on writing!
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Hi Christine, I really like this story! It's fun and it's unique. I disagree with the previous commenter about the made up words you chose to use in your story. I think context clues sufficiently reveal what these objects/alien races are. The way you described the hat as having a "phallic object of humbling proportions" made me lol. Nice work!
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Thanks Marissa! I'm glad you enjoyed it :)
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Who, or what is a Xartha? The same applies to other words you've used in your story; such as = Xartopia, DigiAnalysis400, Aeronion, Aerona, Squarothions. You may know what you are talking about but not so all readers. I suggest, that in future you spend a little time introducing vague and unfamiliar words.
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Thanks for the feedback, I'll consider trying ways to introduce them organically.
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