82 comments

Romance Sad Drama

“... Hey, Sarah.”

“... Hi. How are you?”

“I’m, uh… you know. I’m ok. I’m… Yeah. You?”

“Good, good, I’m… I’m good.”

“Good, that’s-”

“Yeah.”

“-that’s good.”

“Yup.”

“... Can I sit here?”

“Oh my gosh, yes, I’m so sorry! I- Please, please-”

“Hey, it’s fine-”

“-yes, sit, sit-”

“-it’s a… unprecedented-”

“-sit down.”

“-situation, I ‘spose. Um-”

“I already ordered. I hope that’s ok.”

“Yeah, of course, that’s totally fine-”

“I’m just- I’m starving, and I couldn’t wait any longer.”

“No, no, I get it, I would have done the same. Probably not gonna get anything anyway. Sorry for being late, by the way. There was a wreck on the highway, and people just wouldn’t stop slowing down to look at it.”

“Oh wow, that’s terrible.”

“I know, right? Someone gets hurt, and your response is to just gawk? How wrong is that? Some people, geez.”

“Oh, I didn’t- I wasn’t talking about that. I actually kind of understand that part. I meant the accident itself, I hope no one was seriously-”

“Really? You don’t think that’s kind of, I don’t know- messed up?”

“... I think morbid curiosity is pretty natural, Darren. I’m not saying it’s not… Well, I mean it’s called ‘morbid curiosity’ for a reason, but it’s still natural, still normal. I don’t think it’s necessarily fair to judge people for it, either.”

“Wow, that didn’t take long.”

“What? Don’t act like that, it’s not-”

“Hasn’t even been five minutes and we’re already talking about what’s wrong with me.”

“I just said it wasn’t fair to judge them, Darren, for fu-”

“I wasn’t judging them, I was just-”

“You literally just did, you literally talked about strangers like they were bad people, like you were better than them. What else would you call that but ‘judging,’ Darren?”

“Fine! Fine. Let’s just go ahead and say you win, and get this one over with. How ‘bout that? Just add it to all your other ‘victories.’”

“...”

“I hate it when you roll your eyes like that. Makes you look like a child.”

“...”

Hello sir, how ya doing today? Do you need a menu?

“Uh, no. No, thank you. I’m fine with water.”

Sure thing. Be right back with that.

“Thanks.”

Uh-huh.”

“...”

“... I’m sorry.”

“... It’s fine.”

“No, it’s… it’s not. I don’t know why I’m always… Why I’ve been so-”

Here ya go!

“Oh! Thank you.”

Uh-huh. Getcha anything else?

“No, I’m- this is perfect. I’m on a diet! Heh. Ahem.”

... Right. You doing ok, honey? Those eggs alright?

“They’re delicious, thank you so much.”

‘Course, dear. You holler if you need anything else.

“I will, thank you.”

Uh-huh.

“...”

“He’s a lively one.”

“Uh, Darren... I’m pretty sure she’s a she.”

“What? No way! That’s a dude.”

“See, there you go: judging people again.”

“Oh, my- I wasn’t judging, Sarah! There’s no possible way that dude- you know what? I’ll prove it. Next time he comes back around-”

“And I’m the child.”

“-call him over, and take a look at his nametag. I guar-an-tee… he’ll have a dude’s name.”

“...” 

“Oh please, don’t look-”

“Did you bring the papers or not?”

“...”

“... Well?”

“... Yeah. I did. They’re in my jacket pocket.”

“O-kay… Did you sign them?”

“... Sarah, this can’t be-”

“I swear, Darren.”

“Hey, come on-”

“No, Darren! No… There isn’t some… some final argument you can make to make me change my mind. How many times do you want to keep going over the same thing, to keep having the same fight?”

“...”

“What’re you even going to say? What point could you possibly bring up after misgendering our server, and condemning rubberneckers on the freeway, that would paint you in a better light?”

“...”

“Hmm?”

“...”

“No funny quip? Nothing snarky to say? I’m surprised you don’t even have some- some… barbed joke lined up, ready to fire at me and make you seem just… oh-so-smart. But no. No, I think you maybe… maybe you finally realize how much in the wrong you are, Darren, that it’s not even about being wrong, just… being good, being a better person, and that’s… that’s not what you are.”

“You’re saying I’m a bad person? You don’t think that’s a bit judgemental?”

“Nooo, I’m saying you’re not good.”

“Uh, same freakin’ thing, right?”

“... You know what? I’m really not in the mood for this. If you didn’t even sign the papers, I don’t even know what I’m doing here, and-”

“No no no no, that’s not one you can just back away from. You’re saying I’m a bad person? Explain that one to me. I’m curious. Quench that curiosity, alright?”

“... It’s ‘quell.’”

“Ah, so that’s it. I don’t words too good, huh?”

“... You’re like an empty glass, Darren. You have no natural sense of morality, no place on the scale, just a singular purpose: to be filled with liquid and carry it, and pass it on to the pourer, or… or whoever, really. But you’re empty. Just an empty glass, and I… I can see right through you.”

“...”

You two still doing ok over here? You want the check, honey?

“I’ll get it for her.”

“What-”

Oh! Well, alrighty then. You need me to get more water, fill that up for you?

“No, that’s alright, I’m good. Thank you.”

Mkay, then. I’ll be right back with that check.”

“Thanks.”

“Thank you.”

‘Course!

“...”

“... You didn’t have to do that, Darren.”

“... I know.”

“... Thank you.”

“... You…”

“... I what?”

“...”

“What?”

“... You might… You might have a few points.”

“... Mmm.”

“I’m not exactly… I mean, you know I’m not good at taking criticism. Even from myself. That could be part of the problem, I guess. I’m not gonna… improve if I can’t admit… what’s wrong with me. The bad parts.”

“It’s not about-”

“I know, I know. It’s… I just think it probably actually is fair to call those parts about me bad. Or, you know, not bad… but… I don’t know, I can’t think of the right word. I mean, I can’t words too good, right?”

“Heh. Yeah.”

“... It’s good to see you smile.”

“... Yeah.”

“... I guess… I guess my point is that I… I know I can do better. I can be better.”

“...”

“I, uh… I want nothing more than to… to ask you to stick with me while I do that.”

“Darren-”

But… I know that’s not… It wouldn’t be fair to ask you that. So… Here.”

“...”

“They’re signed.”

“... Thank you.”

“... You’re welcome.”

“...”

Mkay, here ya go! Just come on up to the register whenever you’re ready to pay, ok?

“Perfect, will do, thank you so much.”

‘Course, sweetie, anytime. You two have a beautiful day now, ok? It’s gorgeous out there, you should try to get some of that sunshine.

“Yeah, uh, we’ll try, thanks.”

Uh-huh, buh-bye now.

“...”

“Did you see his nametag?”

“... I saw her nametag. It said ‘Hydrangea.’”

“What the fu- what kind of name is that?!”

“I don’t know. The name of someone ready to take their improvement into their own hands, without letting the fear of others’ judgement get in their way?”

“... Oh. Right.”

“... Sorry. I don’t didn’t mean for that to sound so… harsh.”

“... S’fine.”

“But I can’t be the one to always help you reach those conclusions, to think about other people through a lens other than your own.”

“I know.”

“If you want to be better, you have to be the one to do it.”

“I know! I’m- I get it. Really. Thank you.”

“... You’re welcome.”

“... I mean it.”

“... Me too.”

“... I should probably go pay for this. Head out.”

“... Ok. Yeah, if that’s… If you’re ready.”

“... Think so... It was good to see you, Sarah.”

“... You too.”

“... You take care of yourself. Ok?”

“I will. And you too. Really.”

“... I’ll try my best.”

“... I love you.”

“... Love you, too.”

“... Goodbye, Darren.”

“... Goodbye, Sarah.”

January 11, 2021 03:00

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

82 comments

Llind Kam
06:36 Jan 20, 2021

I was astonished by the clarity in your writing. I did not realize this until I read the entire text; it was a simple tale of two individuals at the pivotal point of their lives, and not once did I confuse the speakers. That is very difficult to accomplish. Good job!

Reply

Aaron Caicedo
13:18 Jan 20, 2021

Thank you! I’m glad you didn’t have any confusion, I’ve had a few people tell me they had a little trouble following who was who. Thanks again! 😁

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Slothy Penguin
14:09 Jan 19, 2021

Hello Aaron, really liked the story, it was really genuine and simple, I like how you made them Stutter and all. Also thank you for following me and liking my story!, Really appreciate it!. Hope you enjoyed reading it, have a great day!

Reply

Aaron Caicedo
14:44 Jan 19, 2021

Thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed it! 😎 And you’re very welcome, keep up the good work!

Reply

Slothy Penguin
03:52 Jan 20, 2021

😁😁

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Jay D Mer
14:02 Jan 19, 2021

First time reading a story from you and I really enjoyed it. Nice work:)

Reply

Aaron Caicedo
14:42 Jan 19, 2021

Hey, thank you! Glad you enjoyed it. 😁

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
13:10 Jan 19, 2021

This almost feels like a page straight out of "Almost, Maine". Every line seems to perfectly match the next one, trading blows repeatedly. Great job!

Reply

Aaron Caicedo
13:19 Jan 19, 2021

Thank you! I’m happy you liked it! And I’ve actually been considering adapting it for the stage, so we’ll see what happens! 😎

Reply

13:53 Jan 19, 2021

Do you write screenplays? I've had a little bit of experience, but I'm not brave enough to write one for this yet.

Reply

Aaron Caicedo
14:42 Jan 19, 2021

I’ve written one, but I haven’t managed to do it yet. Screenwriting is a whole other beast, and ultimately this form of writing is so much more fulfilling for me. But that’s not to say you shouldn’t give it a shot! It’s still a great way to improve your skills.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Jeni Conrad
11:53 Jan 19, 2021

Great job! The dialogue was natural and also not confusing to read. I enjoyed reading the story.

Reply

Aaron Caicedo
13:18 Jan 19, 2021

Thanks! 😁 I’m glad you enjoyed, and found it easy to read!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
07:19 Jan 19, 2021

The ending. That is all I really have to say. I absolutely love the ending. It leaves you wondering what their future is. I want a part 2.

Reply

Aaron Caicedo
13:17 Jan 19, 2021

Thank you! I haven’t thought about doing a part 2, but it’s certainly on my mind now! 😎

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Aaron Caicedo
16:44 Jan 18, 2021

Thanks! 😁😎

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Shae Greyfeather
15:32 Jan 18, 2021

This was very good!

Reply

Aaron Caicedo
16:44 Jan 18, 2021

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it! 😁

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
15:20 Jan 18, 2021

Wow, that was really well done! I love the way the dialogue still made sense, even without names behind them. I usually rely heavily on text and descriptions, but this seems magically free from that. In fact, it works perfectly fine without it! Fantastic Work!

Reply

Aaron Caicedo
16:44 Jan 18, 2021

Awesome, thank you so much! I’ve had a few people say they still had difficulty following the dialogue, so I’m glad it made sense to you!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Ana Govindasamy
07:09 Jan 18, 2021

Woah, I loved how realistic and immersive this was! I think there might be a few too many ellipses but other than that, great job!

Reply

Aaron Caicedo
12:25 Jan 18, 2021

Haha, yeah I went pretty heavy with the ellipses on this one. But I’m glad you enjoyed it over all!

Reply

Ana Govindasamy
14:13 Jan 18, 2021

No problem, you're really talented :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Sarah Mumtaz
05:49 Jan 18, 2021

The dialogues and the pauses in the dialogues are very naturalistic. I liked it! Nice one!

Reply

Aaron Caicedo
12:23 Jan 18, 2021

Thanks, glad you enjoyed it! 😎

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Kendall Defoe
05:38 Jan 18, 2021

Clever, clever... I like this one!

Reply

Aaron Caicedo
12:22 Jan 18, 2021

Thank you! 😁

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply

Hello Aaron, this was a wonderful story! And loved all the dialogue between the characters! Good work:)

Reply

Aaron Caicedo
00:55 Jan 18, 2021

Thanks! I’m really glad you enjoyed it! 😁

Reply

My pleasure! Would u mind checking out my latest story?

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Radhika Diksha
03:17 Jan 23, 2021

Hey, can you give me feedback on my new submission?

Reply

Show 0 replies
Endellion .
21:29 Jan 22, 2021

I'm afraid I don't approve of the transgender waiter. It felt unnecessary. Otherwise well done.

Reply

Show 0 replies