diego.”said arturo
diego stopped using his phone and looked at arturo*
what r u doing here arent u suppost to be with ur girlfriend!???” said diego
look diego i wanted to say I’m sorry abt yesterday.”said arturo
diego got up his bed and stood *
ur sorry u pushed me in front of ur friends u kissed andrea and u said mean stuff and u came here to say sorry.”said diego
yes.”said arturo
look ik one of ur friends told u this so u can tell me huh.” said diego
no.” said arturo
arturo stop lying just say they did stop protecting them.” said diego
i am not.”said arturo
YES U R U KNOW WHAT I DONT WANNA BE FRIENDS!!!!!!!” said diego
what???” said arturo
U HEARD ME LEAVE I NEVER WANNA SEE U AGAIN!!!!”said diego
diego.”said arturo
LEAVE!!!!!” said diego
*arturo walked out from diegos room and walked downstairs and opened the front door and closed it and left home diego walked back to his bed and sat down and started to cry*
diego.” said his brother emi
diego wiped his tears and stopped crying*
yeah????” said diego
r u ok???” said emi
yeah.”said diego
emi brother walked to diegos bed and sat down nexts to him*
diego ik something is wrong tell me.”said emi
ok u know arturo???”said diego
yeah.”said arturo
i ended up my friendship with him.cried diego
why???” said emi
because i told him my feelings yesterday and he pushed me and i also ended up my friendship with him because he says mean stuff to me and kissed andrea.”cried diego
emi hugged diego*
i am so sorry.”said emi
its ok.”cried diego
but that doesnt mean u have to cry for a boy theres alot of boys not just him u can find a better one.”said emi
do u really think so???” said diego
yeah.”said emi
*when emi said that diego stopped crying diegos brother finish hugging diego and looked at him*
everything is gonna be ok just forget abt him im glad u ended up ur friendship with him.”said emi
ty.”said diego
np lets go to bed for school tomorrow.”said emi
ok.”said diego
*diegos brother got up his bed and walked out to his brothers room and walked to his room Diego got up his bed and walked to the light switch from his room Diego turned off the light and walked to his bed and lied down his bed and covered himself and fell asleep*
*the nexts day Diego and his brother arrived to school emi walked to class Diego walked to the boys bathroom Diego sat on the floor nexts to the sink from the boys bathroom a boy got out a stall and walked to the sink And washed his hands a boy saw Diego sitting in the floor the boy walked to him*
hey r u ok???” said the boy
yeah.”said diego
look ik u don’t know me but ik something is wrong please tell me.”said the boy
ok.”said Diego
the boy sat nexts to diego*
so I had this friend I ended up my friendship with him I ended up my friendship with him bcz he did some mean stuff to me.”said Diego
i am so sorry that boy was so mean u don’t deserve that.”said the boy
thanks.”said diego
np I’m nick.”said the boy
im Diego.”said Diego
nice to meet u Diego.”said nick
nice to meet u to.”said Diego
Diego do u wanna be friends???”said nick
sure.” said Diego
yay now we’re friends.” said nick
yup.”said Diego
i have to go to class u also have to go to class.”said nick
ok.”said diego
bye.”said nick
bye.”said diego
*nick got up where he was sitting and walked out the boys bathroom to class *
diego took out his phone from his backpack and turned it on and went to the photo app and deleted all the photos he took with Arturo Diego went to the texts app and deleted Diego like a friend*
i think my brother is right I don’t have to cry or be sad for a boy ima go to class said diego*
*diego put his phone inside his backpack and closed it and put it on diego got up where he was sitting and walked out from the boys bathroom to class*
to Be continued……
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6 comments
I also enjoy Stranger Things and my kids do too. I agree with what Trudi said as well. What I did like; your instinctive new speaker, new line. Thats what Trudi meant by don't change it. And it was brief and to the point which is more like natural conversation. Add the punctuation. " " Yet when you pull it apart, your dialogue itself conveyed the direction of the story! English is your second language? So, writing about something you are interested in is great. Run your writing through the free part of Grammarly. There are other sites with...
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Hi, Kaitlyn! Your advice here was more than enough. It wasn't for me and even I appreciate it! Hopefully Mariana is able to apply this to future projects.
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LOL. Thanks for reading, I think.
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Happy birthday, Mariana! Hope you are enjoying your sweet sixteenth!🥳 Trudy just said all things I was trying to express to you. Great advice. Have fun and still thank your mom because she loves you. Maybe she couldn't do anything but remember what you mean to her. Sometimes it is hard watching your babies grow up and not need you as much.
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Hey, Mariana. You have a wonderful imagination. And obviously a great feel for teen dialogue. Your flow is excellent and keeps the reader wanting more. I don't know if you want feedback on your work. But being the busybody that I am, I'll give it to you anyway. :-) 1. Don't chance a thing in the dialogue content. but: Add punctuation and use whole words. - Dude (comma) you are out of your mind! Lucas said. 2. Avoid run-on paragraphs. - Lucas ignored Mike and left the house. He took his bike to go look for Will. Dustin followed Lucas. 3....
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I agree with Trudy here. Colloquial communication that is used in texting stays in that area. Proper grammar not only helps the reader gain more understanding of the story but pushes the writer to improve. Run-on sentences and paragraphs in stories could work against you, it tires the reader. Commas, semicolons, apostrophes, punctuation, etc. are super important in storytelling. Practice the usage of proper grammar and spelling.
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