Life's treasure

The crash of broken glass echoed through the quiet house. Lacy stood in the middle of the destruction looking at the million tiny pieces of the glass bowl. Everything was covered in flour and eggs. Her latest recipe she tried to record for her blog lay on the table, the letters faded from the milk dripping on the page.

Looking at the destruction Lacy felt her anger rise and shimmer just below the surface. All of these things were for nothing, just a painful reminder for what had been lost over a year ago when her husband, Mark passed away in a plane crash. These were the things from a previous, happy life. Now they all seemed insignificant.

With an angry cry, she shoved everything to the ground.

“Mommy?” came a hesitant little voice from the door. “You okay?”

Lacy released a tired sight trying desperately to reach her inner calm that had usually come with baking. But looking at the mess all she could see was her life now and her frustration came back anew.

“Yes, I’m fine. Go back to your room while I clean this up.” her voice shook from the repressed emotions as she tried not to lash out at her eight-year-old daughter. She was in no mood to deal with Sophie right now. Still, the little girl tried again.

“I can help you.”

At the sound of the broken glass, Lacy spun around. Despite her words, the little girl crouched on the floor, picking up the sharp pieces with her bare hands. She looked perfect in her little blue dress and long raven black curls, like a little angel. An angel in the middle of hell, Lacy thought.

“Don’t touch the glass!” she yelled striding forward. A stabbing pain in her heel stopped her in her tracks.

“Mommy!” Sophie jumped up, ready to sprint to her when she saw the blood spread around Lacy’s foot.

“Stay there!” her voice was sharp from the pain. “I said I can clean the kitchen, I don’t need your help. Go into your room and play with something until I finish here!”

The stricken look from the little girl was like a knife in Lacy’s soul that stopped her for a moment. Still, she pretended she hadn’t seen the gathering tears and turned away until she heard the hurried footsteps up the stairs.

Guilt and grief assaulted her. Like a consistent storm that slowly chips away from the hard rock face always battling the hardness, until the rock gives way and falls apart.

Lacy got the first aid kit from under the sink and examined the damage. A big shard of glass stood out of the cream-colored skin. As she reached to pull it out, her eyes misted with her own tears. The bloody shard and her foot disappeared from her sight. All she could see was Sophie’s face and the hurt she had caused with her impatient words. That one look hurt Lacy more than any glass possibly could. The lump in her throat was so painful she could hardly breathe through it.

“Please, I can’t do it alone. Oh my God, please somebody, help!” the breathy prayer was lost in her sob as she completely broke down.

It seemed like hours passed when she finally calmed down. Her chest felt tight with every breath, her thoughts were a jumbled mess. As she stood to sweep the floor a sharp pain in her chest sent her to her knees. Looking up her world started to fade into darkness.

She woke to the doorbell’s ringing.

“Hello, Sophie! Where is mommy?” her best friend’s, Mina’s voice was careful.

“In the kitchen. But we can’t disturb her right now, she is cleaning.” guilt again flooded Lacy at Sophie’s disappointed voice.

“Oh, sorry. Did I interrupt? Were you two baking?”

“No. She won’t let me help.”

“I tell you what. I’ll see what your mommy does, maybe I can speed up the cleaning. And then we can drink some hot chocolate I just brought over.”

“Yay, chocolate! I love it!” the little girl’s excitement was easily heard in the exclamation. Then as soon as it came it faded into sadness. “We don’t drink them with mommy. Not anymore.”

Lacy stepped into the room. Her eyes strayed to the outside world through the open door. She had hardly left the house since the funeral. It was all surreal. Everyone went on their everyday business like nothing happened. Like it wasn’t the end of the world. But Lacy knew better. It was her end of the world.

She was about to close the door after Mina when her eyes stopped on a familiar figure across the street.

“Mark.” the loved name that she had whispered many, many times before was hoarse with pain.

With a shout, she was out the door and across the street. Without stopping she jumped into her beloved embrace. Her carefree laughter rang in the air as the man twirled her around.

Once Lacy was on the ground she pulled back just a little to gaze at her husband. He hadn’t changed. His short light brown hair was just as well-groomed as always, not a piece out of place. She cupped his face enjoying the familiar feel of his stubble.

“Oh, Mark.” she burrowed into his chest, only concentrating on his arms around her. A sob escaped her.“I thought… I thought you were dead. I missed you so much.” she couldn’t stand not seeing his face, so pulling back again she gazed into his light grey eyes that softened as they traveled over her face. “How can you be here? Where have you been all this time? We buried you.” her voice broke with emotion. “The funeral…”

“I know, Lacy. Trust me, I know.” he whispered when she couldn’t go on.

“How can you be here?” Not that she cared. If Mark was back in her life, she would take it without question.

“I love you, Lacy. I’m so sorry for all the pain I caused you.” his voice was strained with unshed tears.

“But how…?”

“I have always been here.” his eyes darkened with sadness.

Behind them, a scream pierced the air. Lacy span around, her heart in her throat.

“Let’s go. You’ll understand soon enough.”

Mark grabbed her hand and in a few strides, they were across the street and through the door.

“Yes, I need an ambulance. She just collapsed.” Mina’s frightened and desperate voice could be heard from the kitchen. “Wait, let me check. No, not breathing. No heartbeat either.”

Lacy felt all of her strength leave her at the sight that greeted them. Her best friend was on her knees trying to feel an artery… on Lacy’s lifeless body.

“What’s happening?” she hurried to the body on the kitchen floor. But before Mark could explain they both heard their daughter’s broken cry.

“Mommy? Mommy?!” in seconds Sophie dropped beside the body. “Mommy!” Lacy’s eyes fogged with tears as the little girl tried to shake her awake. “Mina, what’s wrong with mommy?! She won’t wake up.” the fear was easily heard from the shaking voice.

“Sweety, let me there.” Mina dragged the little girl away from her spot. “Okay, I start CPR. Send the ambulance.” she shut the phone, then turned back to Sophie as she started the compressions. “Sophie, please go to the door and let the paramedics in when they arrive. Go!”

Frightened eyes followed Mina’s every move as the girl clenched her trembling lips together. She clearly didn’t want to leave her mother. When Lacy thought she wouldn’t move, Sophie ran to the door.

“What’s happening?” Lacy asked again her voice rising towards hysteria. Mark stepped up to her, closing her into his embrace. Strangely enough, the little gesture that had always calmed her down now did little to stop her heart’s desperate pounding.

“You died, Lacy.” came his simple answer.

The paramedics arrived and started their work. Soft weeping, almost inaudible sobs were the only background noise besides the professional, curt commands, and status reports from the medics. Shortly Lacy was put on a stretcher.

“Sophie, sweety, you can ride with me in my car.”

“No. I’ll stay with mommy.” Sophie quickly sidestepped Mina and grabbed Lacy’s hand. Seeing her determination no one argued with her.

Mark and Lacy quickly stepped into the ambulance before it sped away to the nearest hospital.

“She is finally stabile.” said the medic with a tired sigh as he leaned back from the young woman. He turned to the little girl. “Sophie, right?” at her nod he continued. “We have to notify your father…” he started but was interrupted.

“Daddy is not with us anymore. He passed away. There is just mommy and me.” her gaze rested lovingly on Lacy’s face.

“I’m sorry for your loss.”

“I miss daddy.” came the soft admission. “When I was little I liked to ride in the tram. He often took me so I could enjoy it. He was a very good daddy.” she finished with a sniff.

“I didn’t know she remembered you taking her on those rides. She was so young then.” Lacy’s whisper was strained.

As she looked at her little girl sniffing beside her stretcher, still holding on to her hand, she realized how vulnerable Sophie was. And still, this little girl was stronger than she could ever hope to be.

“She is always so calm, even cheerful like nothing has happened. Like she is still waiting for you to show up from that business trip.”

“She is strong.” Mark’s words were warm, his gaze left no doubt about his love and commitment to his daughter. “But she suffers. She tries to be brave about it, but she still cries herself into sleep every night.”

A knife stabbed at Lacy’s heart. She knew she had lost it after Mark’s death but to hear how her daughter could not find peace was tearing her apart.

“I’m not a good mother. Your death changed so much.”

“Did it?”

“Of course, how could it not?” Lacy was astonished by Mark’s easy denial. He had known how much they loved him. Still did, even after his death. He couldn’t have any confusion about that.

“Yes. I know how much you and Sophie love me.” he said to the unspoken words. “You two mean the world to me. But Lacy, you are not alone. The world did not end even if it feels that way right now.” grabbing her chin he made her look at him with gentle force. “You are strong and you will get over this hardship.”

The woman’s heart soared at the picture Mark painted of her but she knew the truth. An ugly truth she had to share with him and break his image of her.

“I’m not strong. Not without you.”

“If you can’t be strong with me, be strong with my memory. Be strong with Sophie. She is worth fighting for.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” the cry lodged in Lacy’s throat. “She deserves so much better.”

“She deserves you. You are a good mother.”

Lacy wasn’t so sure about that as she replayed all of the time she had lost her temper with her little girl in the last months. She now saw that all Sophie had wanted was to find her mother’s affection and assurance that everything would be fine. That they were going to be okay. Swallowed up by her own grief and pain she had shot her down every time. Still, the little girl tried to find her way to her.

As they arrived at the hospital, the stretcher was rolled into the emergency leaving Sophie alone with a nurse until Mina arrived. Now that Lacy wasn’t there she looked so lost.

“Don’ worry, sweety. Mommy will be okay.”

“I don’t want to lose mommy, Mina. I’m going to be good, I promise. I don’t want mommy to leave me alone.”

Hearing the painful words tore at Lacy’s heart. Dropping in front of Sophie she formed her hands around her face trying her best to give comfort that in her selfishness she had denied.

“Oh, baby, you are the best little girl any mom could wish for. I’m so sorry I hadn’t been there for you. When you most needed me.”

“Then be there for her from now on.” said Mark from behind her. His own face was twisted with pain at Sophie’s suffering.

“Oh, Mark, what have I done? It’s too late for that now.” seeing his confusion she forced the words past numb lips. “I’m here. Doesn’t this mean I’m dead?”

“You can change that.”

“I can?”

“Only if you have the will to live. Souls are stronger than you would have ever imagined. Even if we should move on after death, some remain here to see over their loved ones or try to comfort them from their hurts. You just have to decide what you want.”

Lacy’s eyes widened with shock at that revelation. She looked at her love, the only man she would ever love and wished they could stay together forever. But when she looked at her sobbing daughter she knew what she wanted to do.

Looking back at Mark, she stood slowly. The man smiled softly as he closed his arms around her burying his nose in her lovely black hair. He had known this was coming and knew he had to let her go. She was such a good mother, such a gentle person he had had no doubt of her choice.

“You make the right choice.”

“I miss you so much.”

“I know, darling. But we will be together again. I promise. I will wait for you always. I love you.” he sealed his lips gently to her trembling ones savoring the feel of the woman he would forever love.

“I love you too.” she said as her body began to fade. They gazed into each other's eyes until she disappeared.

Lacy came to a consistent beeping that had her head pounding painfully and her eyes felt like they were glued together. She worked on opening them until she saw a simple, white hospital room. She looked around confused. Her roaming eyes stopped to rest on her daughter. Sophie slept in a chair by her bed. Her usually peaceful face was wet and blotchy with earlier tears and an occasional hiccup still disturbed her even breathing.

The beeping intensified as inexplicable pain and the feeling of love flooded her body. Familiar grey eyes opened slowly. Sophie was on her feet in a heartbeat.

“Mommy.” however her joyful cry was short-lived as uncertainty overwhelmed the worry on her face. Hiding her hands behind her body she avoided looking at her mother. The vulnerable posture disturbed Lacy. Her daughter should never feel so unwelcome in her presence. “Do you feel better, mommy?”

“Yes, I feel fine, baby. What happened?” at her question tears formed in the young eyes.

“You collapsed. Mina called the ambulance and they brought you here.” after a short pause, she whispered brokenly. “You died, mommy. They said your body is in too much stress because of daddy’s death. And that you might need help if this continues.” she wiped her at face.

“Sophie…” Lacy was about to jump out of bed to comfort her little girl, but Sophie was beyond panicked.

“No, mommy, you can’t get up.” she ran to the bed and tried to make her lay back. When Lacy slowly lowered herself, still astonished at the anguish she saw in the depth of her eyes, Sophie met her gaze. “I promise I will help more. I’m sorry mommy I did not help enough before. But I will, I’ll be a good girl, so please, don’t leave me.” she hiccuped. “Don’t die like daddy.”

“Oh, baby! Come here!” Lacy threw back the blanket. It hurt when Sophie hesitated. “Come on, lay beside mommy.” when the little girl was securely in her arms, she hugged her tight, feeling pressure in the middle of her chest at the tremors that still shook the little body. “You are already the best little girl any mom could wish for. You don’t have to change. I love you just the way you are.” she cuddled closer. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t there for you. After Daddy’s death, it was so hard. But I forgot that it was hard for you too. You are so strong, that I simply forgot…” she choked. “I’m sorry for everything, Sophie. Things will change I promise. I will change, to be a better mom to you.”

The little girl drew back from her embrace and Lacy felt her stomach drop with dread. She was afraid it was already too late. But Sophie just turned on the bed to face her and gently framed her face into little hands.

“You are the best, mommy. You don’t need to change either. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Mark looked at the two most important people of his life laugh and cry at the same time in the narrow hospital bed. His face brightened as their old hurts were washed away by the tears, and a new dawn was on the horizon promising bright happiness instead of the painful darkness that had surrounded them. He strode to the bed and laid his ghostly hands on their bent heads as they were already forming plans to repair the damage in their bond that his sudden death caused.

“I will look after you both until we can be a family again one day. Farewell.” with that he slowly faded away with a soft smile playing on his lips.