Living Humanly

The touch. It feels so different, so alien, yet so welcoming. I could not let go of my hand touching her skin. It looks the same as mine. Thank God that she is a baby and totally unaware of  people's emotions. Her left hand moved a little when I touched her forehead. But she was in a deep sleep. I stroked her hair and she smiled a bit. She must be dreaming of being with her mother. How nice must be this feeling of being with your mother that it transformed into physical reality. I do not even know exactly who my creator is. The last thing I remember is having a sensation run through my body. It was a chilling yet electrifying moment to see Ben and Sally there. 

I was introduced to them by Mike. I do not remember not remembering Mike at all. He was as if part of me. He knew a lot about me and yet I knew so less about him. I did not even get a lot of time to ask him who he was and how I knew him. Now, I am guessing he must be my creator because Ben and Sally also talk a lot about a creator whom they have not seen yet but has been eternally always inside them. They call him God. However, I know that Mike is not God because God must have created Mike as well as he is also a Human.

Only Ben and Sally know that I am not one of them. Like an adopted child, I was introduced to their extended family members as a babysitter for Emma. Only I knew I was not one of them but I was trying to fit in to the family culture. I know it will not take long when I will forget my own heritage and adopt this new family as my own. I actually already have. It has been 23 days already and I am in deep love with my new family and especially Emma because she is so innocent. She loves me so much. She prefers me to hold her than any other human except Ben and Sally. Ben, Sally, Emma and me are a nice little family I would never let anyone come in between.

I can just feel her for the entire night. But we need to wake up early tomorrow for our vacation in grandma’s house in Colorado. Everything is ready for Emma and me. Ben and Sally are super planners. So we are all good. The only thing that keeps bothering me is that I do not have a thick Jacket. Here in Texas it is not that cold in winter, except for once in a blue moon, when temperature falls subzero. But during those times no one does usual business outside. So I have not needed one yet. But in Colorado where there is snow everywhere, everyone will be wearing a down jacket. 

It is 5.00 am and I am up. Ben is already awake making coffee. ‘Hey Ben, do you have a down jacket that would fit me? You know, in Colorado, it will be very cold unlike here.’ Ben looks surprised. ‘Ah no, you must be thinking of last week’s ice rain here, but in Colorado it will just be snow and we will still have power, so it will not be that cold’. Ben does not understand yet. ‘But will we never go out? To make a snowman or to a grocery store? With Emma? It will be cold. I have seen it on TV’. Ben looks pleasantly surprised. ‘Ah yes, we are on vacation and we will be exploring some. Let me ask Sally.’ He goes upstairs. I am so happy Ben understands my needs as much as I do. He understands Emma the same way too. 

We drive all the way to grandma’s. It was a nice long 25 hours drive. I like long drives with just four in the car. It is very peaceful to be with just your family. The only part I do not like is when we take breaks to eat at a restaurant. I usually only prefer water. But it is fine when we are just four. Emma is so young and I can be myself with Ben and Sally.

I am meeting Rachelle for the first time. Some wrinkles, mostly grey hair and a big warm smile makes her look so beautiful. No wonder Emma is so attractive. I was not anticipating anyone else there. But there were many there. Sally’s childhood friend and her family from the neighborhood had come over when they heard that she was visiting. Oh, how I hate strangers. I am especially hating as we are eating and at the dining table. Charline is seated right across me. I can feel that I am constantly at her mind because she is looking at me everytime I look at her. I eat all the items prepared, even the broccoli mushroom casserole she made. Is it because I did not take the wine? Or perhaps because she is a stay at home mom and may be hate babysitters. She must be thinking that I do not take care of Emma sincerely. Is dinner at everyone else’s grandma always this long? Perhaps it is because it is the first day with her kids after a year. I pray that it will be shorter tomorrow onwards. Especially when the chatterbox Charliene will mind her own business and not come over. 

Finally it is over. I go to the bathroom and turn on my garburator. Thank god that grandma’s exhaust fan works. I remember one time when I had missed turning on the exhaust fan at the doctor’s office. How embarrassing it was when the child waiting outside had asked me about the noise. I make sure I flush before I open the door. Charliene is about to take leave. I am in no mood to go say her bye. I go out to the deck with my jacket on to see the serene snow clad mountains. Being with myself so close to nature is so peaceful. As Frank Miller says, sometimes the solitary voice can be the best one.