The Hero of Metroville

It’s a beautiful day in picturesque Metroville! The birds are singing, the people are smiling, and the sky is as clear and blue as the water! But, unbeknownst to the fair citizens of this wonderful town, a sinister plot is unfolding right under their nose. In an abandoned warehouse at the heart of Metroville, we find masked marauders carrying out the sinister whims of their villainous master, the evil Dr. N. Farious! What wicked schemes have these crooked crooks been employed to perpetuate this time!?

A large machine is being assembled, shaped like a ring and profusely protruding with crackling cables, giant gizmos, and dangerous doodads. As each piece of the beast is snapped into place, Metroville takes another step close to whatever ghastly doom the doctor’s wicked mind has planned. The man himself watches with a toothy grin, rubbing his greasy gloves together as his green eyes shine with pure malicious intent. When the last piece is attached and a lever is pulled, a low hum echoes across the walls as the machine comes to life.

Dr. N. Farious laughs a hearty laugh. “Behold!” he cries! “My greatest invention yet! Soon, all of Metroville will be mine! Mwahahahaha!”

What foul misdeeds does the evil Dr. N. Farious have planned for this humble city, and more importantly, who can stop him? The answer appears not a moment later, as suddenly through the skylight bursts a mighty mountain of a man! Clad in white and red spandex and armed with bulging muscles and a beaming smile, it’s Metroville’s shining savior, Captain Billy! He lands feet first, shattering the stone underneath as all turn to face their uninvited guest.

“Stop right there, Dr. N. Farious!” the Captain declares with a voice that could woo an angel.

“Captain Billy,” says Dr. N. Farious. “How unexpected… is what I would say, if this wasn’t completely expected!” The doctor shakes his fist in rage. “You never can resist showing up where you’re not invited.”

“I appear where I am needed most, doctor. For I am Captain Billy!”

But what’s this!? While the Captain is engaging in classic super-banter, a rogue villain tries to catch him unaware. Look out, Captain Billy!

WAHBAMMMM!

Just moments before the scoundrel strikes, a flying fist shoots out from the shadows straight into his chin! The evildoer is sent flying!

“Pay attention!” says the Captain’s savior.

“Not to worry,” replies the Captain. “I know I can always count on you to have my back, sidekick.”

“Would it kill you to make it easier for me?” From the shadows emerges Captain Billy’s scowling punk protégé, the dynamic Fuse! While her dark clothes, plentiful piercings, and half shaved head scream rebel, she’s-

“Hey, it’s called an undercut, *******! And I only have like, five piercings!”

“Language, Fuse,” Captain Billy scolds. “Children might be reading this.”

“Whatever,” she grumbles, blowing a stray lock aside before taking her place next to the Captain. “Hey, Dr. Loser! Anything else to say, or can we skip to the part where we beat you?”

“Th-that’s not even clever!” the doctor retorts. “Besides, you are far too late to stop me this time, for my greatest invention is already complete. Behold!”

Dr. N. Farious flips a finicky switch, and following a shower of sparks the giant ring roars to life. Swirling blue energy appears within the ring, rippling like the surface of a lake.

“Mwahahahaha!” the doctor laughs. “Now, let's see what this bad boy can do. Henchmen!” At the doctor’s call emerges a horde of horrible miscreants, surrounding our daring duo. “Keep our guests occupied. I’ll be right back!” With that ominous omen, the mad doctor waltzes towards the rippling energy, disappearing as he passes through.

“Looks like we’re in a spot of trouble, ol’ chum,” Captain Billy declares as the scoundrels close in.

“Are we?” Fuse replies. “These guys are a dime a dozen, Captain. Let’s kick their a-, er, butts, then go deal with the doctor.”

“A sound stratagem, my capable companion. How about we split them, 50/50?”

“60/40, Captain. I’m the sidekick after all, you should be doing more work than me,” Fuse says with a smirk.

“Very well, Fuse. Let’s show them what’s what!”

The first of the fiends takes a swing just as our heroes spring into action. With a powerful punch, the good Captain sends one burly brute straight into another.

KAPOWWWW!

Dexterously dodging a dangerous blow, Fuse sends a calculated kick into the assailant’s jaw.

CRACKKKK!

Grabbing a goon, Captain Billy tosses the troublemaker away like trash.

BABLAMMMM!

A particularly powerful peon appears, charging our heroes with an incredible roar. Working in tandem, our tenacious team strikes together, bringing the giant low.

POWWWW!

Soon the conflict concludes, and with nary a neerdowell left standing our heroes move towards the menacing machine built by the mad doctor. But what’s this!? Just as suddenly as Dr. N. Farious disappeared, he returns! Appearing through the rippling energy with a devilish grin, he looks down on our intrepid heroes with the most sinister of smiles.

“It’s over, Dr. N. Farious!” Captain Billy declares, striking a powerful pose as he points at the villain.

“Yes, it is over alright, Captain Billy,” the doctor cackles. “For you that is!”

“Oh give it a rest already,” Fuse groans. “There’s nothing you can do now, so just surrender and save us the time it would take to pummel you.”

“Ah, but you see, you’re only half right, dear. Because… I’ve already done it!”

“Done what?” the Captain asks, demanding a decisive answer. Indeed, what could the dreaded Dr. N. Farious have done to instill such confidence?

“Tell me, Captain Billy,” the doctor says, beginning his megalomaniacal monologue. “What would you say if I told you that everything bad that has ever happened in your life was all because of one person?”

“Just what are you implying, Farious?”

“I’ve labored many years for this, Captain, the hate in my heart fueling the furnace of invention. And now, all the work has borne fruit. You see, this machine, my wonderful creation, is the world’s very first time machine!”

Gasp! Could it be true?!

“Oh ****,” Fuse mumbles.

“You are right to feel fear,” the doctor gloats. “I have already used my creation to travel back in time just now! And with this power, I became responsible for the worst moment of your life, Captain Billy!” The insane doctor laughs an insidious laugh. “Yes, you know what I mean, don’t you?”

“No…” The Captain takes a step back. “You couldn’t have!”

“I did, Captain Billy! But that was just the beginning. Now I will use my time machine to rain down a never ending torrent of misery and mayhem upon your life! Mwahahahaha!”

“Not if we stop you first, creep,” says a resolute Fuse.

“I’m afraid you won’t have the chance,” Dr. N. Farious declares, removing a remote from his coat pocket. With the press of a button, a giant box of solid steel crashes down from above, capturing our brave heroes inside. “Escape from that if you can! But even if you do, it will already be too late! For once I have retroactively ruined the life of Captain Billy, Metroville is next! Mwahahahahaha!”

Within their metal prison, the courageous Captain charges the sturdy wall with a fist held high, intent on demolishing it posthaste. But his keen-eyed sidekick spots something awry, and at the last second holds the Captain back. A good thing too, because as soon as he nears a powerful energy field appears, sizzling like a hissing serpent.

“Careful, Captain,” Fuse says. “I think that thing would fry even you to a crisp.”

“Thank you, Fuse,” Captain Billy replies, wiping a bead of sweat away. “But there is no time to delay! We have to figure out how to get out of here on the double, before Dr. N. Farious messes with my past even more!”

“Just leave it to me, Captain,” Fuse says with a resigned sigh. “This trap of his looks like the same one the Great Gizmo had us in last week. Pretty sure the hack just bought it off him.

“Ah, of course! Now, how did we escape from that one again?”

“There’s a panel on the floor… somewhere,” Fuse says, feeling around for it. “Say, Captain… What was Dr. N. Farious talking about back there? You know, about the ‘worst moment of your life’? I mean, I know something happened to your parents a long time ago, but…”

Yes, what could the worst day of our dashing defender’s life be?

“Oh, well… I’m afraid it’s not a story for the faint of heart, my friend.”

“Well, don’t talk about it if you don’t want to.”

But I’m sure our audience is dying to know!

“Hey, keep out of-”

“If you insist,” the Captain says, graciously granting Fuse’s wish.

“Don’t put words in my mouth!”

“It was nearly twenty years ago…” he begins. “A time before I had taken up the hero mantle. I was at the local grocery store, just another happy customer amongst many. When suddenly, I felt the strangest tingle. I froze in place, completely unsure of what was happening. Then, without warning, I… I… I wet myself.

Egads!

“...What?”

“Yes, it’s true! I was so ashamed and embarrassed. Everyone pointed and laughed as I fled from the store. That truly was my darkest hour.”

“That’s… really?” Fuse asked.

“But now I know the truth of that day! It was not me who pissed my pants. No, it was the dreaded Dr. N. Farious, with the use of that accrued time machine! He is the one who pissed my pants!”

A completely normal amount of silence filled the chamber after the Captain’s declaration.

“...Right,” Fuse finally said. “Well, I’m sorry that happened to you, Captain. Let’s make sure we stop the doctor before he does anything else to your life. Speaking of, can you help me out here? I can’t find the damn panel.”

“You might… need to handle this one on your own, my faithful friend,” Captain Billy says, falling to one knee. “I fear… the doctor may have made some modifications to this machine… after all. Beginning… to feel… weak…”

“What? What’s wrong, Captain?” Fuse asked, sounding more annoyed than alarmed.

“It could only be… yes, it must be…! This box is lined with concentrated cobalt, my one weakness!”

“I thought you were weak to snakes, Captain Billy?”

“Cobalt, my second weakness!”

“Nevermind,” Fuse replied with a sarcastic sigh. “Found it. Just hold on a moment longer.” With the panel removed, Fuse delicately pinches a long strand of hair from her head. As she does, the tip of the air ignites like a lit fuse, and she drops it into the open cavity. With a step backward and several seconds of patience, an explosion takes place as the hair detonates like a bomb!

KABOOOOM!

A moment later the energy barrier dissipates, leaving the wall vulnerable!

“Alright, Captain,” Fuse says, helping our fearless hero to his feet. “You have enough strength left to break us out of here?”

“I just might, my friend. Stand back now!” Standing on wobbling legs, the Captain winds up for a potent punch, then swings forward with all his available might, and-

SLAMMMM!

-breaks right through the solid wall! Steel scatters everywhere as the flying fragments spread across the room. Dr. N. Farious looks back in surprise at the destroyed prison, finding our heroes safely outside.

“What?!” he screams. “How have you escaped already?!”

“That’s what relying on others to do your dirty work gets you, you ****** scientist!” Fuse quite angrily declares. “Are you ready to beat this guy, Captain Billy?”

“I feel better already just by being outside of that box,” our brave Captain declares. “Let’s put an end to this, once and for all!”

In a panic at the sight of the terrific team, Dr. N. Farious attempts to activate his time machine again! But before he can make it through the rippling energy, Captain Billy leaps in front of him, grabbing the evil doctor by the collar.

“No you don’t, Dr. N. Farious!”

“Ah! Unhand me, you blithering buffoon!”

“Not until you’re where you belong, doctor: behind bars! Now quickly, Fuse! Destroy this calamitous creation of his!”

“Uh, are you sure, Captain?” she asks.

“What do you mean? Of course I am!”

“It’s just… I mean, what if we used it to stop all that bad stuff from happening to you in the past?”

“Nonsense!” declares Captain Billy!

“Nonsense?”

“Of course it’s nonsense! I am the incredible hero I am today because of everything that has happened to me in my life. Even if that incident was embarrassing and deeply, deeply emotionally scarring, it is now only a pillar that holds my head high.”

“If you say so, Captain,” Fuse responds with a strange sense of admiration.

With no more hesitation to hold her back, she takes several short strands of hair from the shav-, er ‘undercut’, portion of her hair and tosses them at the terrible time machine. They each alight like small candles, and quickly burn to their ends in a powerful series of explosions that rip the device apart. Quickly it crumbles, crashing down in a cacophony of clanging metal, reduced to a simple pile of scrap.

“You foolish fools!” Dr. N. Farious screams, watching his creation be unmade before his eyes. “How dare you- bleh!”

A light tap to the back of the head is enough to render the irate inventor unconscious.

“Now then, my reliable sidekick, let's say we get the good doctor safely where he belongs: behind bars!”

“Right behind you, Captain.”

What daring heroics we have witnessed here today. The good people of Metroville can sleep soundly tonight. For once again the day has been saved, thanks to the ever capable Captain Billy and Fuse!