The Hunger & Despair

White. Everything I could see was identical. An immense sea of what seemed to be mattresses stretched before me, a white so immaculate that it made me anxious. Fear and anxiety coursed through every fiber of my body. The adrenaline surged to its peak, and my body screamed to run and flee from this place driving me crazier than I already was. But then… a figure! A person appeared amidst that sea of madness, so immaculately white. That mysterious entity didn’t seem hostile and made a request? It wanted to know my story, how I got here, and who I am. How could I refuse? But first, I need to clarify...

I don’t know what I’m doing, and I don’t know how I got here, but what I do know is that this accusation against me is false. I don’t understand why they’re blaming me. Maybe they’re confusing me with someone else, but you can’t say anything after what my friends did. That—that is something only monsters could do—a horror. I haven’t been able to sleep at all since that night—that night in the woods… That night caused something dark to awaken from the deepest recesses of my being, and it came out, changing me. A robbery attempt is what led me to follow that beautiful woman, around twenty years old, who wore a ring of the finest quality. It was that same night that…

I witnessed a murder firsthand, and I was terrified. Traumatized. I never saw them the same way again. They were crazy—fucking crazy—and I think I’m starting to lose my mind because of them. A-a-an-a-and I keep seeing that corpse every time I close my eyes, the body of a young and once-beautiful girl I knew for only a few minutes before those bastards…

What was once a beautiful girl was now just a bundle of blood and flesh. Yes, they mutilated her, and those monsters were nothing but cruel to her. That poor girl, whom I still pity to this day, was brutally raped, and after that, her real torture began. They started with her nails, ripping them out one by one. Then came her teeth, and then her fingers. Her skin—they stripped it off with a razor blade! After they finished with everything on the surface, the real dance began, a dance only a master butcher could perform with a knife. With great skill, they made a clean cut in her abdomen, pulling out her organs as if they were candy from a piñata, and I... I was incapable of doing anything...

Nothing. I saw everything as she screamed in desperation, cried out in pain, and I—I—I did nothing. And just when the one sitting next to me ripped her hand off with that deer-hunting knife and handed it to me, I rejected it. But I kept something, and I regret taking it even now—that—that damn ring. That decision is what brought me here.

I thought I had gotten over it, but no. That ring, the same ring my wife now wears, torments me every night, dragging me back to that brutal slaughter in such a vivid way that unless I drug myself, I can’t sleep. And that’s how the years went by. But it always disturbed me so deeply that I couldn’t take it anymore, and I decided to confide in the one person I didn’t think would betray me. But I guess I was wrong, because why else would I be here? Don’t you think so, doctor?

Looking at my situation now, I can’t stop thinking about what would’ve happened if I’d joined them—if I’d eaten the girl with all of them. Maybe they wouldn’t have caught me. Maybe I’d have become addicted to the taste of pork. I think I would have because I still smell that battered cabin where they killed her, where they cooked that innocent girl. She had only come to escape from her abusive household, and she smelled... delicious. But ethics and morals stopped me from committing that final idiocy.

Still, if I’d thrown away those “ethics” and “morals,” maybe I wouldn’t be stuck here. Maybe I’d be out drinking, cheating on my damn wife—the wife who turned me in. But I can’t understand it. How did someone like me, a useless guy who can’t do anything right, end up just like this? I don’t get it. I probably never will. Even if my sanity has to pay. Even if I can never look at a girl the same way again. Even if it means suffering in silence and discovering true pain.

Bu-bu-but... I think I’m losing it. I can’t take it anymore. Maybe I’ll pay in the afterlife. But for now, doctor, I blame myself for everything. And I don’t regret a thing. I’ll see you on the other side. I’m sorry for what I’ve done to you, my dear.

And after I left the doctor’s corpse on the floor, I left. With all the anger I used to keep inside, I started looking for my dinner. On a rampage, I hunted this young, beautiful prey. The hunt felt delightful, almost unavoidable. The forest was filled with beautiful, fast deer, birds, and rabbits. It was fun, and I indulged in a delicious feast.

But then—when I finally realized what I was doing—I realized I had made one of the worst decisions of my life. I wasn’t eating deer or rabbits or birds. I was no longer in the woods. “My God, what have I done?” When I came to my senses, there were no animal bones in front of me—only the rotting corpses from the cemetery. I couldn’t believe it. I had dug into the graves—my family’s, my friends, and everyone else’s tombs—and eaten their remains, filled with worms and dirt.

But the worst part was when I realized there were still living bodies among the dead. People clinging to the last remnants of life. At that moment, I understood—I was no longer human. A monster had crawled up from the deepest abyss of hell and taken possession of my body. And I gave it to him—willingly—because that flesh started to look so good to me, even though it was raw.

That’s when I woke up. I was back with my friends, eating. The person beside me offered me the rest of the food on his plate. And I... I... I accepted it with pleasure.