I Can't Say No

Go to Josh’s party, they said. It’ll be fun.

So, here I am, and it has been anything but fun.

Josh has always been the “go big or go home” type when it comes to parties, especially when he’s trying to impress a girl he likes.

This time, the girl he was trying to impress must have been really special because he rented a $4,000 party yacht from his dad’s boat rental business just for our end-of-senior-year celebration.

It fit about 100 people, and of course, Josh intended to invite more than that. The only reason I was even invited was because I’ve known Josh since we were kids, and because my friend Claire thought it would be fun to hang out outside of our apartments for a change.

I don’t usually give in to peer pressure, but the thing about Claire is that I find myself never being able to say no to her. Is that terrible? Maybe so.

But they don’t call it a crush for nothing.

Things have felt a little awkward, at least to me, ever since I almost confessed how I felt about her in a stupid game of truth or dare. Maybe she never even noticed, but I’ve kept my distance anyway, afraid I might actually let it slip.

I found myself hiding in a corner of the boat. I had lost Claire in the crowd of people ages ago, and I didn’t bother to go after her. It was a warm evening with little wind, and people were sweating buckets. And I did not want to be in the middle of any of that. Instead, I stood at the railing staring out into the water with a can of Coke in my hand, while everyone else chugged down beers and other disgusting drinks.

It’s the one thing I didn’t fear missing out on: drinking alcohol of any kind.

Sometimes, I feel as if people are only pretending to like it out of fear of missing out.

Then, the booming voice of Josh snaps me out of my thoughts. I turn around and see Josh, shirtless, with messy hair, and pointing in all directions. He was hanging onto the second-story railing that overlooked the lower deck.

Either he was drunk out of his mind or he was about to traumatize this entire party.

What the hell is he doing?

“May I have everyone’s attention, please?” Josh shouted, his words sluggish.

Dozens of heads turned as he waved his hand and edged closer to the railing, where the water below came into view.

“Anyone ever seen the movie Jaws?” he called.

Without another word, he let go of the rail, bent his knees, and launched himself into the water with a loud splash. Everyone rushed to the edge to see where he’d landed and gasped when his small head popped up several yards from the boat.

“Woo!” he shouted proudly.

Cheers erupted as people began tugging off shirts and shorts, eager to dive in after him.

That was my cue to leave before anyone decided to drag me into that murky water.

I wove my way through the yacht, drawn by a scent I knew by heart—strawberries. Claire’s scent. It led me to a door, and when I heard her laughter on the other side, I knew I’d found her.

I opened the door to find Claire in a game room with a few of my other friends—Roxy and Alison—while they played pool.

Roxy, still a junior in college, was only here to keep an eye on her brother Josh and make sure he didn’t destroy the yacht during his chaotic festivities. Alison didn’t even go to college; she was just here for the entertainment.

Claire sat cross-legged on top of another pool table, watching the game.

They were mid-argument when I walked in.

“Like, why are you guys beefing through Instagram notes?” Claire demanded. “There’s this thing called DMs, which are private and, oh, I don’t know—DIRECT?”

“Preach,” Roxy said, nodding.

Alison noticed me and smirked. “Yeah, don’t you just hate it when people aren’t direct? Like, just say it to my face.”

“Exactly,” Claire agreed.

I shot Alison a glare, but she only laughed.

You know how friends are about crushes.

Finally, Claire and Roxy looked up and saw me.

“Hey, Ella,” Roxy greeted. “Where’s Josh?”

“About to become shark bait." I wanted to sit next to Claire but caught myself at the last second and chose the spot next to Alison instead. Something I knew Claire noticed.

Almost on cue, the boat rocked as the party seemingly got more chaotic.

“Figures,” Roxy muttered, lining up her next shot.

“We should go over there,” Claire suggested.

“Oh, please. You can’t swim to save your life,” I replied without thinking and instantly regretted it when Claire dropped her gaze.

Roxy whipped her head toward her. “Wait, you don’t know how to swim?”

“Real smooth, lover girl,” Alison teased under her breath.

“Shut up,” I snapped.

“Why are you on a yacht if you can’t swim?” Alison asked.

Claire scoffed. “No one knows how to fly either, but we still get on planes.”

Roxy rolled her eyes. “That’s not even the same thing…”

“Okay, I never said we should go swimming,” Claire interrupted. “I just meant we should people-watch. You know, actually be where the party is.”

“You’re only saying that because you’re losing,” Roxy said, gesturing at the pool table.

"I'm not even playing!"

“No, I agree with Claire,” Alison chimed in. “Otherwise, what’s the point of being at a party if we’re not where the action is?”

“We are at the party,” I argued.

“Don’t tell me you can’t swim either,” Roxy quipped.

“I can swim,” I said quickly.

Then I met Claire’s eyes. “Not that there’s anything wrong with… not knowing how to swim.”

“Oh, God. Just come on,” Alison said, grabbing my arm and pulling me up. The others followed as we all headed toward the deck railing.

We spotted a soaking-wet Josh climbing up the ladder, tossing beers to the people splashing around in the water.

Great—way to speed up water pollution.

Josh caught sight of us and grinned. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you guys. Everyone’s swimming over to the Fist.”

“The Fist is like half-a-mile away.”

“Yeah, but USC is having their party over there. We wanna crash it.”

“Why not just take the yacht over there?”

“They’ll see us coming. And besides, the water isn't that deep. We could practically walk over there."

All of us rolled our eyes.

“You guys need a little encouragement?” Josh asked, bending to grab more drinks from the cooler.

He tossed one to Roxy and Alison as they headed for the stern where the ladder was. Then he lobbed one to Claire, who was already making her way over. I followed behind her, but Josh stepped in front of me, holding out a can. I shook my head and lifted my Coke, which was now empty.

“Come on, Ella. Put on your big-girl pants for once,” Josh said, trying to shove the beer into my hand. His words made Claire turn her head.

Heat rushed to my cheeks.

“Joshua,” Claire warned, trying to push the beer away, but I sighed.

“Just give it to me, you asshole,” I snapped, snatching the beer and rushing off, leaving Claire to swat Josh lightly on the shoulder.

By the time I reached the stern, Alison and Roxy were already in the water, splashing each other like maniacs.

“What part of ‘I don’t want to get wet’ don’t you understand, idiot?” Alison shouted, flipping her hair out of her face before swimming after Roxy.

Roxy just laughed and swam farther away.

I sat down on the edge of the stern and dipped my feet into the water, fumbling with the cap of the bottle. Before I could open it, Claire snatched it from my hands and hid it by her side.

“I know you don’t drink,” Claire said.

As if I wasn’t embarrassed enough already.

“Josh is right. I need to put on my big-girl pants,” I muttered, reaching for the bottle. But Claire pulled it farther away.

“That’s ridiculous. Don’t listen to him…he’s full of shit,” she shot back.

I give in, like I always do, and turn my attention back to the water. Pulling out my strawberry-flavored vape, I take a slow drag.

I know what you’re thinking. Vaping is just as bad as drinking. I know that. But I need something to hide my embarrassment.

I can't be sober at a time like this.

I only watch and judge as some of our classmates and friends swim by, at least those who didn’t go after Josh towards the Fist, a small island near Huntington Beach.

I take a few more hits, the smoke masking the anger I still feel toward Josh.

Then Claire breaks the silence.

“Can I ask you something?” she says.

I inhale again, this time anxiously. “Sure.”

“Back at Roxy’s apartment,” she begins.

Oh god. Not this again.

“When we were playing truth or dare…”

“Oh, yeah.”

“Do you remember that?”

Unfortunately, I do.

I nod, and she continues.

“When it was your turn, Alison dared you to kiss someone,” Claire said, her eyes fixed on the water instead of me. “And you almost said my name.”

My chest tightened. The memory hit like a cold wave. The way my throat had closed up, the way everyone had leaned in, waiting. The only reason nothing had happened was because Josh puked in the middle of the table, making all of us scramble for cover.

Crazy that my dare was the thing she remembers and not the projectile vomiting.

“I…” I forced a laugh that sounded painfully fake. “I was really high. I don’t even remember half of that night.”

Claire finally turned to look at me, her eyes searching mine like she was waiting for me to confirm what she already knew. “You remember enough to dodge the question.”

I gripped the edge of the boat until my knuckles went white.

“It was a stupid game,” I said quietly. “Forget I ever said anything.”

A moment passed as she brushed her knee against mine. “But, what if I don’t want to forget?”

My eyes nearly popped out of my skull. Either I was being pranked, or Claire Goldman was actually flirting with me.

As that thought hit, I realized something else.

It was quiet. No splashing. No laughter. Nobody was on the boat.

Had everyone gone to the Fist? Surely not everyone had gone after Josh.

I stood up, looking around. As much as I wanted to stay in this moment with Claire, a flicker of fear crept in and she seemed to notice.

And you know what they say about the ocean growing quiet. It never does.

“Where is everyone?” I asked.

Claire squeezed my hand, “I’ll check on the other side.”

“Okay.” I stumbled across the deck, feeling the effects of the vape more than I wanted. The world’s colors were too bright and the edges too sharp. I heard Claire's voice all around me as my world began to go blurry.

“Josh? Alison? Roxy?”

Not a single person in sight.

Then I heard a splash behind me. My heart leapt. I rushed over, thinking maybe Claire had fallen in.

“Claire?” I called, panic rising.

All I got in response were bubbles breaking the water’s surface. A minute passed.

Nothing.

Just as I was about to dive in after her, a head popped up a few yards away, light brown hair fanning around it.

It had to be Claire.

I exhaled in relief. “Oh my god, Claire. What are you doing?”

“Come and get me,” she said, “Jump for me.”

There was something off about her voice. It was too high-pitched, almost like she was trying too hard to sound playful.

Am I imagining things?

“This is hardly the time to be playing around right now. Our friends are missing,” I told her, finding it really hard to speak coherently.

“Come on. Wouldn’t you do anything for me?” she asked, her black eyes locking onto mine, her face mostly hidden in the shadows.

I could ever so slightly see a smile on Claire’s lips.

“You know you love me. Admit it,” she whispered.

I found myself answering without thinking. “I do. I really do.”

“Then just do this for me,” she said. “You know you want to.”

You know me. I can't say no to Claire. How could I?

Without fully realizing it, I started peeling off my shirt, trying to avoid getting it wet, bending down, ready to dive in.

“That’s it. Come to me,” her voice cooed.

And then it hit me.

I looked up at Claire. Her black eyes held mine, daring me.

“Claire?”

“Yes, Ella?” she responded.

“I thought you didn’t know how to swim?”

Then the smile vanished, and her head dipped beneath the water.

That wasn’t Claire.

Panic surged through me, and suddenly I had a moment of clarity. I stumbled backward, tripping over myself, my vape clattering to the deck floor.

“Ella!”

I yelped as I collided with a familiar body. It was Claire, pressed against me, equally terrified. We scrambled backward together, breaths short, eyes fixed on the dark water below.

“Did you see it? It sounded just like you,” she whispered, trembling.