Scenes from a World without Love

“Do you promise to hate until life do you part?”

The young couple glared at each other, eyes burning.

“I do!” they both declared simultaneously.

“We haven’t been fighting much. Sometimes we go up to a week or even more without fighting,” the woman told her therapist. The therapist frowned. “That is disturbing. Very disturbing.”

“Oh, no!” the harried mother exclaimed as the photographer showed her the results of the family picture. Sure enough, her youngest daughter had a hint of smile.

“It was a sarcastic and bitter smile,” the daughter protested.

“I don’t care what it was. It ruined our picture. You are un-grounded for the next month.”

“Please. No,” the girl begged.

Cheerful music played as the ushers brought the casket of Uncle John in. Finally, he was dead. His widow, Aunt Alice, looked triumphant in her white dress. The energy of the event was palpable. The onlookers fidgeted, ready to get this done and move on to the party. The minister smiled widely. “It is a joy to celebrate a marriage that fulfilled its promise to hate until life did part.” He nodded to the glowing widow. “Well done. What an inspiration you are for the rest of us.”

On the podium, the Superbowl-winning team glowered defiantly. The MVP took the microphone to a chorus of boos but spoke above the sound. “I just want to make sure I give credit where credit is due, which is not to our fans, coaches, or greedy owners, but mainly due to our lousy competition and the obvious fact that I and few others were just plain better than anyone else. You switch coaches, and we still win. You switch fans, and we still win. You put God to sleep, and we still win. We deserve the credit. No one else does and for now on I say, suck it, you losers.”

The crowd hushed as the speaker came forward and adjusted the microphone. “Parents, graduates, and faculty, I come here today to mock your pathetic achievements. First, parents. This particular set of unambitious, entitled, lazy, and worthless kids comes from you. Whatever you did in raising them, you blew it. Second, the faculty and administration of this fiasco. The so-called education you provided is one of the true travesties of this world. Your incompetence shines like the stars. You have genuinely reached the lows in providing a non-education. Finally, to the graduates. You will soon hold in your hands a shiny new diploma. Some of you will not be able to read that diploma. Most of you will toss it away as soon as you crawl back to your parents, whom you plan to live off, but whom I can assure you will astonish you with their ingenious ways of permanently getting you out of their houses. You have few skills, few ambitions, and almost no hope for the future.

In conclusion, I and the world are sickened by what we see here.”

The crowd erupted in cheers. “That was one of the more inspirational speeches I have heard in a long time,” one wife told her husband. He scowled and ignored her but secretly agreed.

The final presidential debate was highly consequential. The smooth-talking candidate thumped the podium to hammer home his point. “And yes, it’s true. My opponent can’t hide behind either her ugly face or her record. While governor, she saved a public college, improved health-care, and provided long-term assistance for the elderly. In addition, she voted for measures to create jobs—and not just any jobs, but decent paying jobs with benefits!”

“That’s a lie. You can check the public record,” she responded.

“We have, and I don’t care how you try to black-wash this—it’s on your record. Meanwhile, I was the architect of cutting social security, increasing taxes on the poor, and rolling back health measures. I can stand proudly by my record. You cannot.”

His opponent tried to respond, but the cheering of the audience cut her off.

The couple looked deeply into each other’s eyes.

“I have to admit, I kind of like you,” the boy said.

Tears came to her eyes. “Are you breaking up with me?”

The waitress yawned. “Are you ready to make your order?”

“What’s good on the menu?”

“Nothing.”

“If you had to eat something, what would you pick?”

“My nose.”

“Are you okay?” the young boy asked his even smaller brother who had scraped his knee.

“It hurts,” said the little brother.

“It’s okay,” the older brother replied, giving him a quick hug. “You will feel better soon.”

A middle-aged couple watched the scene. The man’s eyes widened. The woman’s face turned purple, ready to explode. “Absolutely disgusting,” she said.

In church, the minister read solemnly from the Bible: “You have heard it said to hate your neighbors and love your enemies, but I tell you to hate your neighbors and hate your enemies.” The crowd nodded appreciatively. “Now if you think those words are wise, wait until I tell you one of the greatest stories ever told: The story of the bad Samaritan.”

The car salesman snarled and refused to shake the extended hand. “Is this really what you choose?”

“High mileage, outrageous price, no warranty, loud engine. I can’t wait to see the look on my enemies’ faces.”

“There is a good chance this car won’t make it that far. We’ll be lucky to get it started again and get you off the lot. Plus, I may have misled you about how bad this piece of junk is. Maybe you would like something that could at least get you home?”

The customer shook his head. “Oh, you guys are sly. I’m not budging on this non-deal.”

“Okay, but you drive a hard bargain.”

The policeman looked down at the smirking man in the rusty car. “Do you know why I pulled you over?”

“Probably because I was 40 mph over the speed limit and caused that three-car pileup. I bet you’re impressed this car could even run, much less go fast enough to cause all that commotion.”

“Nice try. But we’ve got a small problem.”

“What do you mean?”

“No one is injured, and there is very little damage.”

“What the hell?”

They both shook their heads in deep disappointment.

When every channel came up with the same news, people were glued to their screens. An asteroid was heading to earth. Scientists for once agreed. There was a 97% chance it would hit Earth. There was 95% chance it would destroy all life.

Celebrations abounded around the world.

But one old man grumbled to his wife. “With our luck, we’ll survive.”

She fidgeted nervously. “Oh, I hope not.”

The End