Another World

September 16: My mother gave me this journal only a few days ago. For what reason, I don't know. I now decided to write in it because, well, it's the beginning of my senior year and I thought writing down my thoughts every once in a while may relieve the anxiety of school. I don't have much to write so far, as nothing has happened yet. I guess the only exciting thing that is coming up is my birthday which is about a week from today. I guess that's it for now.

September 22: I know I haven't written much but nothing good has been happening in school worth putting down. The only reason I finally got back to writing is that tomorrow is my birthday. My parents have told me that they have a very important present for me. I don't know how to feel about it, but I guess I'm excited. I don't particularly like surprises, but it will be my 18th birthday, so I'm trying to stay positive. I hope it makes up for the lack of activity in school and life in general. Well, until tomorrow.

September 23: I am in complete shock. I honestly don't know how to feel at all. I'm currently locked in my room crying as I write this, that's how disturbed I am. The "very important present" my parents have given me are plane tickets to Thailand. I am to go on October 6th and will be there for a week before returning home. Along with those tickets was a translated letter from my birth mother. I mean, I knew I was adopted as soon as I learned what the word meant. It wasn't too hard to figure out. I was Asian, and my parents were very white. (No offense Mom and Dad!) But it's the fact that my birth mother reached out. Not only that, but she wanted to see me. I've heard a lot of sad stories concerning the search for birth parents. It's usually they have died or do not want to see their children, don't even want to know that they're alive and doing well. I don't want to say I'm lucky, but I guess I am. I just don't know if I want to face her. She must have gotten rid of me for a reason. I'm too distraught to write anymore. I'll get back tomorrow.

September 25: I lied. I didn't get back until today, but I didn't realize how much I needed that extra day for myself. I even took the day off school, and I never do that. But I didn't waste that day, I took the time to sit down with my parents so they could tell me the whole story. I was born in one of the poorest provinces in Thailand called Kalasin. My mother was unmarried and living on her own when I was born. Because she didn't want me growing up in such horrid conditions as she was, she made the trip to Bangkok to give me up to an orphanage. I lived at that orphanage for two years before the papers went through and I was sent to the US to live with my parents: Will and Kathy. They do not know my mother's name, only that she reached out through the adoption agency a few months ago. They do not know anything really about where I was born, or even if my birth mother gave me a name of her own. I feel very emotional. I really want to go and meet her, but what am I to expect? I love my life and my family now, I mean this is where I was led. Will I change if I go? This is another world that I have no idea about. A whole part of me is missing and I don't know what to do.

September 30: I have decided that I am going to Thailand. My parents do not want to come with me because they think that this is something that I need to do on my own. They have arranged for me to meet with one of the women from the agency who arranged my adoption. She also speaks English, so I guess I'll have my own tour guide and translator. The more I think about this trip the more excited I become. It's all so real. I've even done some research on my own to prepare. I've looked up some things about Kalasin: typical foods, landmarks, and the language. Oh, I have to say the language is very hard. But already I have fallen in love with all of it. I now see where I am truly from. The dark skin, my black hair and full lips all come from another world I have yet to explore. I need to go, I still have much to think about.

October 5: Tomorrow is the day I leave for the airport. I am very excited. I have been waiting for a long time and now that the day is almost here? I can't wait. I've never been on a plane before so I don't know what to expect. I've never really been outside of my home in Colorado. This is a whole new experience for me and I can't wait to see what awaits me.

October 6: Words can't describe how beautiful everything is. I had just landed early this morning in Bangkok and am waiting for the next flight that will take us to Kalasin. I met up with the agency woman in Bangkok. Her name is Darika, and she is very nice. So far I have been having a great experience, but now that I am here my heart is racing. I'm scared to see my mother. My flight is being called, I'll get back once we land.

It was a very short flight and we have made it to what seems like the only hotel in Kalasin. It is very cozy and everyone I've met is so welcoming. Darika says she wants to take me to lunch after I have settled in my room. I'm very excited to try some new dishes. I asked when we are to see my mother and she told me that we'd meet her at her home tomorrow.

It's later in the day, almost time to go to bed. I think Thai food is my favorite type of food. Everything tastes so new and fresh. I've gotten to know a lot about what Darika does, and I've told her my story. Before I didn't like telling people that I was adopted. I wasn't ashamed, I just thought that it was my own thing. Something that people shouldn't identify me as. But now, that's all I want people to know. I want them to know my story. I've taken a lot of pictures too. This is something I want to remember for the rest of my life.

October 7: I can't stop crying. I had the most amazing day I could ever ask for. Darika and I traveled to my mother on this cute little bus. Driving by I could see the parts of Kalasin which were not as fortunate. Most people lived in little broken down huts with no electricity and had to walk miles just for food and water. But this is where I was born and I was already in love. I remember how hard my heart was pounding as we got closer. I remember it all so vividly. I could tell we were almost there because there was this woman standing outside wringing her hands. When we got off the bus Darika took out a piece of paper and led me over to my mother's house. And she was leading me to that woman I saw from the bus. As we got closer I could see the tears in her eyes. I was crying too, I couldn't wait I ran right to her. She was the most beautiful person I've ever seen. Her name was Boonsri. Darika took a picture of us and we headed on another bus to a flea market nearby. Afterward, we went to a beach to catch up. My mother did give me up because of the poor conditions, but she never stopped thinking about me. She even gave me the only picture she had of me when I was a baby. I told her about my adoptive parents and my friends and I told her how school was going. Darika told me to not burn myself out, I still had six more days but I couldn't stop talking. There was so much I wanted to know, that I wanted her to know. It was amazing how much we looked alike. Something I can't get over is my name. She told me that she did give me a name before she gave me up. My American name is Lily, but my Thai name is Isra. Darika told me it means freedom because that is what my mother wanted for me. To be free. To do what I wanted to do in a better place. I am not mad at my mother for what she did. In fact, I am grateful because I was given another chance. I was able to live my life which led me to where I am now. It led me to this beautiful world where I am able to learn about where I am from. I love Thailand, I love my mother, I love my life and I am excited to where it will lead me next. Until tomorrow.