" TODAY"

Self-talk. As I stretch both arms above my head, yawning, blinking my eyes in an effort to wake up. Shuffling my bare feet into my fuzzy slippers I stand upright. Check list in my head: headed toward the bathroom shower. Tension subsides as I allow the hot water to pulsate over my head, my chest, my legs to my toes. Drying my body off, I thought about how I would break off my engagement to my best friend. New theme: spring time in Alaska, accepted to be part of a health care team, this chance of a lifetime. Purpose is an essential part of a life of fulfillment.

This has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with me. You are my best friend. I am not ready to get married. Rehearsing my every word, anticipating how my fiance will respond. Moving forward, I make contact with Callie , my best friend from nursing school. I want to offer her my home to house sit, my house plants to water and care for, and my basset hound, Mollie to care for while I am away. Callie Lampkin will have a safe, secure hideaway here at my remote dwelling in Tangle Wood. Callie is confiding in me, concerning her recent divorce. She wants peace and quiet to process this new chapter in her life.

My check list for travel to Alaska as part of a nursing team: apply for licensure by endorsement, notarized, pay the associated fees, finger-printed by law enforcement for temporary license. The temporary license is valid for six months. Looking in my full length mirror, I am proud that I was able to lose those nagging ten pounds. Tonight, I could wear the chiffon dress in dusty rose pink to the spring dance. This social event will link area high schools, my fiance is the assistant principal of Design and Architecture Senior High School, located in Miami, Florida. This is a magnet school that provides students with a solid foundation in fashion, fine art, entertainment, industrial design, visual communication and architecture., Students can also enroll in traditional language art courses, math, and science courses. Whatever, the desired program all applicants must submit sketch books and portfolios, as well as complete an audition.

As the hours draw closer, I begin to breathe easier. I am standing in the park, reflecting on how this past hour has been spent. My self-talk has benefited me in my life decision. An hour ago, I entered our shared apartment at Laurel Falls, walk into our bedroom lay my engagement ring on the night stand. The ring of topaz sparkles in the twilight. I place the lovely dress back in the box it was purchased in, then lay it down at the foot of the canopied bed. I quickly dress in a sweat shirt and an old pair of jeans. As I make my way across town, I say out loud, " This is the day." I have made a promise to myself. On this first day of spring, I will live life by my own convictions. My fiance has showered me with gifts in exchange for thinking for myself.

The spring dance will go on without me. The glamour, the glitz will outshine all previous benefit dinner and dance events. Just about the time the party is in full swing, I will be boarding the flight to Anchorage, Alaska. My nursing student buddy, Brianna eagerly awaits me at the airport where we board a commercial flight then a twelve sitter, tree hopper to our temporary destination. We will provide preventative medical care, aiding young mothers in nurturing care of their newborns. Administering vitamins and vaccines for a healthier lifestyle. Learning the culture for the next four to six months, depending on how well we adjust.

Upon arrival we step out of the small plane, trying to find our footing amidst the bank of snow. Digging with our hands, our most available tool, we uncover a boot peeking out from a melting snowbank. As we continue, heavy denim jeans, thermal underwear, vest, flannel red and black shirt, and a parka , tobaggon, and leather work gloves. Out of the frosty, snowy mix is a sputtering profanity that would make a seasoned off the grid pilot blush. One hand thrashing about, the other hand clutching a bottle of Jack Daniel's, still in its brown paper bag of purchase.

Undecided, whether we were there to harm him or help him, Rufus Tanner introduced himself informing us that we were to depend on him as our navigator and guide. Our first order of business was to stock up on a food supply. Rufus shared with us that when we weren't working we would reside in a trappers cabin a mile from the small town of Chinook. The cabin was already stocked with salmon, a staple in this environment. In Chinook, we warmed ourselves by an old wood burning stove in the center of the general store. Two old men stared at us , during their highly competitive game of checkers. One of the men had a white beard, colored slightly by tobacco juice he spit in a can while pondering on his next move.

We bought flats of canned goods. Chicken noodle soup, tomato soup, beef and vegetable soup, apples, along with potatoes for baking and cooking. We chose corn meal, flour, canned milk, and butter. A vision passed before our eyes, of McDonald's big mac's, fries, and apple pies. We carried our food supplies into the old rustic cabin. Rufus brought in some fire wood from off the front porch and started a fire that was greatly appreciated by both of us.

Rufus said he would be by in the morning to take us to the medical clinic. He told us that the trip into town would require a couple of dogsleds , our job was to hold on tight. He would be bringing a young man by the name of Dillon Martin to operate the second dogsled. We thanked Rufus for the kindness he had shown us. We warmed our beef and vegetable soup and dozed in front of the fire. Taking a mental note, we both decided to make a list and check it more than once. We had forgotten to get saltine crackers. It is important to stay stocked up, since winter and spring storms, with ice thawing might prevent homesteaders confined to their cabins. For now, I felt oddly free, able to make my own decisions. My life would not be planned for me. A deep sleep fell over me, looking forward to tomorrow. Tomorrow is an adventure, I will greet with anticipation and a new found passion.