Eyes Closed

Your eyes close and your breathing picks up. 

The cold nips at your nose and you automatically turn your face into your scarf, burying it into the folds of fabric to protect it from the chill. The arm through yours tightens, and he speaks up. 

"You okay?" you look up into those eyes that have been your entire world for the last four years. They've been with you through every bad day and every good day. Through every celebration and disappointment. Through every fight and every makeup. 

You smile. 

"I'm fine. I just wish I knew where we were going."

There's a teasing tone to your voice as you look at him. You don't have to look at yourself to know that your eyes have crinkled up, and the affection and love you have for this man shines through.  

He rolls his eyes in response. 

"For the last time, I told you -" 

"It's a surprise, I know." You laugh out as your free hand comes up to rub at the arm that holds onto yours. You have no idea where it is that he's taking you. When he had asked if you had wanted to go out with him, the park was not at the top of your list of places to go in December. When the wind was cold, and you had to put on layer after layer just to be able to step outside. 

Thankfully he had chosen a day where the wind was tame, and the ground was covered in white fluff. Really it wasn't as cold as it could be, and in all honesty, you just really enjoyed being in his company. No matter where it is, you two are. 

The two of you continue walking down the cleared path towards where you know the center of the park is. Where the city had already put up their decorations in celebration of the time of year. Strings of lights hung from every branch of every tree that you walked passed all lit up it the dimming of the evening sky. 

You almost miss the way he shifts next to you as you continue to look at your surroundings. You almost miss the way his free hand slides into his pocket to fiddle with whatever dry lint he found in there. You almost miss the way he takes a sharp breath, followed by a slow exhale most likely to help with his climbing nerves. 

But you don't. 

And as you continue to walk towards wherever your destination is, you begin to wonder what exactly has got this boy so nervous. But you know that whatever it is, it's a part of this surprise that he's prepared so you can't go digging. Instead, you squeeze his arm that's trapped in both of yours in what you hope is comforting. This makes his steps falter, and his head comes around to look at you with surprised eyes. You hope that the smile on your face helps him to relax and just enjoy being together for the time being. That it helps him not to think about whatever it is, that's on his mind. It seems to do the trick when you finally feel him relax. His shoulders drop, and his breathing slows as he smiles back at you. And suddenly its all normal again. Just two very normal people going on a very normal walk in a very normal park in the middle of December.  And then you reach the center. 

Now you've been to his park plenty of times before. Growing up, your parents would bring you and your sisters here in the summer to throw a penny into the fountain that sat in the middle of the cobblestone courtyard. As you grew up, this is where your friends would hang out when the summer heat would get to be too much for you, and you just really needed that icecream that the older man sold out of the little ice cream bike that he always had parked right beneath the west arch. This is where you took photos of the vines that covered all four of the arches in the springtime when the purple flowers that climbed the stone became too beautiful to ignore.  But you had never been to the park in the winter. You had always assumed that it would be closed during the season because of the snow. However, that is not what you see in front of you. 

Each archway has its own set of lights, its individual twinkling stars that have been wrestled into submission by wizards who obviously knew what they were doing when they placed them there. A reflection of the vines in the springtime. Beneath the west arch was a small wooden shack on wheels that looked to be selling warm drinks to fight off the chill. But that wasn't what made you pause in the middle of the path, beyond the arches. Beyond the pine trees that lined up past those beautiful stars was the fountain. 

It had been turned off for the winter to keep the pipes from freezing, no doubt, but the city had taken that opportunity to create a masterpiece. Strings of light climbed a thin metal form that surrounded the fountain. Curling up and up until they joined at the top in the form of a four-pointed star. There were gaps between the lights at the bottom just big enough for people to get through. Small families laughed at the base of the lights in the six feet of space between the bottom of the fountain and the base of the shimmering tree. Little kids clung to their parents in wonder as they looked up from the inside, declaring it pretty and beautiful in tiny voices. 

It took your breath away. 

A soft chuckle sounds from beside you, and you snap out of it long enough to turn and look at him. Then all at once, you feel like you've died and are floating around in the afterlife because the scene before you could not be real. 

The lights play off of the sharp features of his face. Shadows dance across his cheekbones as the lights flicker, and it seems that somehow the shine is coming from his eyes as they dance in what you know is amusement, but you really don't care if he's laughing at you right now. You feel your face break out into a smile so big that for a moment, you wonder if it will stay like that permanently. You kind of hope it does.

"Beautiful." You say though it comes out in a whisper. You're not entirely sure if you're talking about the park or him. Either option rings true. 

His smile is blinding as he tugs you towards the shack where they're selling hot drinks to fight against the chill in the air. You follow beside him. Your arm never moves from its position through his as he orders your drinks. 

Hot cocoa in your hands the two of you make your way to the fountain, moving to sit under the dazzling lights as you sip your drinks slowly talking about your days in between watching the people walking by. 

Then there's a pause in the middle of your conversation. There's a tension between the two of you that you can't name, but you know its essential to take note of. 

He shifts in his seat as he unwraps his arm from where it's been relaxing against the cold stone just behind you and reaches into his coat pocket again to fiddle with whatever rests inside. You give him a curious look as he sets down his now empty cup to grab your hand in his. 

A deep breath in and a slow exhale. 

"I know this probably wasn't what you expected for a date," He starts, eyes shifting nervously around the park. "But I brought you here for a particular reason, so just hear me out, yeah?" 

The way he keeps shifting in his seat has you nervous about the conversation to come, and a million questions race through your head.  

What is he talking about? What is happening right now? Is he breaking up with me? What is he doing? 

"These last four years have been the best four years of my life."

That does nothing for the insecurities your brain keeps pointing out to you. 

"I know we've had our share of ups and downs, but I knew from the moment that we met at that stupid little meet and greet that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you." 

Your brain shuts down. The only thought you have in your head is one repeating word. 

What? 

You aren't quite sure what kind of expression is on your face at the moment, but you're sure that he's interpreting it to be an uncomfortable one when you see the nerves begin to climb all over his posture. His hand grips yours as his other pulls out a small black box. You immediately feel your eyes well up with an emotion you're sure you couldn't express any other way. He stands up in front of you only to get back down—this time on one knee. 

Vaguely you're aware of the other patrons of the park. Most have stopped in their tracks to watch what is happening under the dancing lights of the tree, but right at that moment, you could care less. Your face breaks out into a smile, which visibly helps him to relax as he huffs out a laugh.

"Didn't peg you for a Cryer." He teases. He knows for a fact that you are most definitely a Cryer. Hell, you've cried during that 2014 Superbowl dog commercial. You've even searched It up on youtube so you could cry at it again. 

The laugh that makes its way out of you is a little broken but full of love for this man. 

"I feel like I've loved you forever, and I want to continue loving you for the rest of my life. So what do you think? Will you let me?" 

With one hand, he opens the lid of the small box. Nestled inside is a simple band—gold in color with three diamonds embedded into the surface. You immediately start crying even more. 

"Will you marry me?" He asks, and it feels like the world has stopped turning in that moment. Like its taken a deep breath in preparation for the answer, you're about to give. 

You look back up into his eyes. There's so much love in them, but you can see the nervousness in the corners. 

Your face breaks out into a smile as you nod your head. 

"Yes," You say, and it comes out a lot stronger than you thought that it would. 

And then the world is back in its place. 

His face lights up, outshining the multitude of Christmas lights strung up around the park. 

Faintly in your head, you can hear the clapping and the whistles from the people around you. Still, at the same time, you can't focus on anything else other than the man before you who picks up the golden band from its place between the folds of velvet and slowly slides it onto your finger—a perfect fit. 

He kisses the ring where it sits on your finger before you pull him up and into a proper kiss. 

Your eyes close and your breathing picks up. 

Around you, the cheers of the crowd disperse until all that you can hear is your own breath. He backs away. The scarf from around your neck picks up in the breeze and unwinds from its position. You don't watch it float away. You don't watch as the lights of the park dim down until its nothing but darkness that surrounds you. You don't watch as the ring on your finger fades into nothing.   

Your eyes blink open again to stare at your bedroom ceiling. Alone in bed, you curl up on your side and stare at where the ring used to sit.

 Just a dream is all you can think as the tears begin to fall, and you clutch to the pillow that used to be his before he left.  

Just a dream.