A Neuroscientist's Study Break at the Christmas table

A Neuroscientist's Study Break at the Christmas table

• Déjà vu – already seen: If you've ever participated in one big Christmas family gathering, you know them all. You know what's coming. The only change this year is that I'm preparing for my temporal lobe exam, and different déjà-categories have been on my mind for days now. I don't just dream about the exam items; apparently I even think with them.

• Déjà gôuté – already tasted: The cranberry sauce’s sourness constricting my saliva and its tanginess makes my taste buds do a double take, as if they're on a flavor rollercoaster and didn't see the twist coming. It pairs perfectly with the crispy skin and tender meat of the roast turkey. It’s a dinner even Gordon Ramsay would approve with a “YES, CHEF!”

• Déjà senti – already felt (in a particular way): I nervously chew on the turkey at the festive dinner table. I feel as though my relatives attentively listen to my poor attempt at having a solitary meal amid the social loneliness. 

• Déjà presenti – already "sensed" (or had a presentiment): The hum of fluorescent lights above feels like a spotlight, casting their judgmental glares upon my every bite, foreshadowing the inevitable arrival of "The Question."

• Déjà dit – already said (content of speech): Why haven’t I brought anyone to our Christmas dinner this year either? According to my family, now that I’ve turned 31, my uterus must be in a constant state of passion, trying to create a hundred babies. 

• Déjà parlé – already spoken (act of speech): “Give my synapses a break, will ya?” I say irritably. “Save the interrogation for a crime novel! We're here for gingerbread cookies and festive cheer, not a thesis defense on 'The Lonely Life of a Grad Student’!” I’m blinking nervously. My eyelashes flutter rapidly, as if they were a butterfly just about to take off from a flower.

• Déjà éprouvé – already tried or attempted: But they don’t depart. Instead, I try to change the topic and talk about my current exams, but no success so I try to sneak out unnoticed for a cigarette.

• Déjà rencontré – already met: In the chilly backyard, I spot the nape of the new neighbor my mom talked about. His posture and coat feel oddly familiar… Can I know him from… Tinder? 

• Déjà voulu – already wanted: When he spins, I want to die in embarrassment. I'd recognize his grin from a thousand, as all I can see is Donkey from Shrek. Oh my, he’s Mr. Donkey from my blind date three weeks ago! It’s time to delete Tinder from my phone.  

• Déjà fait – already done or accomplished: As a matter of fact, I had deleted it many times before, but then loneliness and boredom always eventually chased me back.

• Déjà connu – already known (personal knowing): Even though I knew exactly how it would end, over and over again. Consider Mr. Donkey as an example. Despite having a gut feeling after spending two hours on the date, I waited out the entire dinner before politely making my escape from him.

• Déjà vécu – already lived through (behavioral consequences): I was mortified on that date when, after a miserably failed attempt at his stupid humor, he just patted my belly and said, “A little too much dessert, yeah? You're gonna have to lose it if we date.” I was completely caught off guard, and despite how badly I wanted to say something offensive, my mouth refused to open. I stood there in shock with arms throwed and jacket in hand, like John Travolta in Pulp Fiction, visibly confused, looking around in disbelief. Has anyone else heard this? The nerve.

• Déjà su – already known (intellectually): I’m aware of what is realistic for my league, so to speak, and I know that finding a partner shouldn’t be that hard, statistically speaking. However, it is never as simple as it looks on paper. After an awkward wave, I’d rather hurry back into the house.

• Déjà raconté – already recounted or told: Of course, I can tell such stories to curious relatives a thousand times, but they don't even listen – they’re either uninterested or too drunk already. I swear the more cheap wine they drink, the bigger the fruit-fly halo circling around their heads becomes. Some people’s mouths are even painted by red wine, slowly transforming them into a suburban, rip-off version of The Joker.

• Déjà pensé – already thought or pondered: How much longer can I endure this Christmas? Is there a way to leave early without regrets? Despite the crazy family dynamics, I’d better stay for the sake of Craig, my little brother, who is the only normal one in the family.

• Déjà entendu – already heard: And who could forget the jokes repeated to the point of boredom? The same stupid jokes that everyone merely laughs at or smiles at out of politeness?

• Déjà lu – already read: After dinner, I scroll through online news about a record snowstorm heading our way and it’s better to stay at home. Well, there goes my pondering regarding an early escape.

• Déjà rêvé – already dreamt: And then, I dream of various snowstorm horrors as soon as I succumbed to food fatigue and dozed off because, of course, I had eaten too much, and my stomach was tired from the anxiety throughout the day.

• Déjà visité – already visited: Late at night, looking for a glass of water, the kitchen feels different. Each decoration evokes childhood memories that once made Christmas so special for me. Festive lights illuminate my pale face in a blue glow, and the air carries the lingering aroma of holiday spices and scented candles. The laughter and loud arguments from a few hours ago echo between the now quiet walls. The surrounding buildings sleepily blink at me through the snowfall’s foggy veil, resembling a tranquil cascade of frozen crystals, blanketing the surroundings in a hushed, wintry stillness. Okay, I guess it’s not that bad that I stayed.

• Déjà arrivé – already happened: Soft footsteps interrupt my thoughts, and Craig greets me cheerfully, his voice reflecting a constant smile. Somehow, he’s always awake late into the night when everyone else has already gone home or is sleeping in the next room, passed out from alcohol. We spend hours reminiscing about our childhood, filling the cold lit kitchen with the warmth of our nostalgia.