Near to individuality

Keeping Busy:

Sometimes I get too happy, excited, feel so much energy inside me, and sometimes get too sad, nervous and very low self esteem. I do not know what happens to me. But still I motivate myself like doing some chores.

My mother is very proactive and she does all her work in a perfect manner. How she manages herself as well as home. I asked her many times about her self motivation but she always says to me:

“Everybody feels the same thing, what you feel but the difference is that they keep trying to busy themselves in their work or hobbies.”

Today I got the video call from my Mom as usual. I just got free from the kitchen and headed to my living room with my warm cup of tea. 

Hey! Mom, good time you called me, just got free of my chores.” replied to my phone full of energy and smiling face.

Oh! Are you ok?? You look so tired. Is everything fine??? She asked with a worried face.

I literally do not know how she always caught me with my true face!!

After that she reliefs herself and looked at me with smiling face and asked me :

“ What happened to my dear, why are you look so upset with fake smile”

“I understood that, something bothering you, tell me.” 

Everything is ok, but ... “ I paused with an awkward smile. Just took a sip of tea.

She urges me to finish my sentence.

“Why am I not feeling motivated? Even I have all the daily luxury needs.” I comforted myself.

She advised, “ why are you annoying yourself? Sometimes I thought about your hobbies. Why don’t you like to take your own hobby? As you know your old one.”

“Oh no! Again hobbies, What does the old one mean???” I grunted and asked in a very rhythmic way, finishing my last sip of tea. 

She always motivates me to pick my old hobbies, but I think it is so boring, not to feel so excited. Maybe it’s because I left my job long ago. 

“Does it matter??” I questioned myself.

I used to go to the office and have fun with family and friends like there were no responsibilities on my shoulders. Being an advertiser I loved my work. For the last 8 years now it seems impossible to reenter work. Now I want to try again and have some space for myself also.

As I lost in my weaving thoughts, suddenly my phone lost the signal. 

Hello!! Hello Mom! You there?? I interrogate.

Just thought that I should call again?? Because it was already 3 p.m and I am in between my lunch time. Put my phone away and headed to the kitchen to serve food myself. After having my lunch I just put all the utensils in the right place. I sighed, then sat and thought that not to do the same thing. Realized about myself, getting tired and maybe I could go on vacation soon with my family. 

Next day, around 11 a.m, I went to the dental pediatrician for my kid. There I met a visitor, she also came for a dental checkup for her kid. We talked to each other and she told me about herself and how she manages her time between home and her work. It was great. During that time, the receptionist called my son’s name. 

“Aarav” , called receptionist.

“Yes” ,I nodded my head and headed towards the receptionist.

She was looking at me and showed me the doctor's cabin by pointing her finger. I got up  with my kid and rushed towards the cabin.

Hey kid, what’s your name? Asked the doctor with a dimple smile on her face.

“Aarav” he answered.

“Open your mouth, I need to check your cavities and pain areas.”

He opened the mouth and the doctor started to examine the areas. My son got so scared as I could see his hands and legs got shivered. Doctor started cleaning his teeth.

“It seems like you are very passionate about eating sweet things and do not like cleaning your teeths properly. This is not good for you buddy.” Doctor acknowledged.

“No, this is not true. I brush every morning.” Aarav explained confidently.

“Oops!! Only morning! Not fair… you need to do both morning and evening.” Doctor interrupted with a glaring smile.

After completing the procedure she gave a dinosaur toy to Aarav. He loves dinosaurs so much.

“Thank You so much doctor.” Aarav cheered.

While leaving the doctor’s cabin, I was staring all around the walls with signatured paintings and sketches. That was so magnificent. I couldn’t restrain myself, and suddenly I hesitantly asked, 

“You made all those sketches right!”

“Oh yes! It’s my hobby, generally like to do sketches. It relaxes me.” She answered.

“It is really elegant and beautiful, I liked your sketches.” I acknowledged.

“Thankyou” the doctor said, overwhelmed.

Left the doctor’s place. It was already 1 p.m and we hungered badly. After reaching home I cooked a meal for us. Continuously, those paintings and sketches ran in my mind and I was recalling my old days, when I was used to doing the same things as a hobby.

After having lunch, my son went to play with his friend. I took my seat on the chair and sighed for a little while, and picked my phone and started scrolling the names and numbers through my finger. I paused the finger to my mom’s number and dialed her. In a little while she picked up the call

“Hello dear” voices from the other side.

“How are you”

I replied, “hello mom, I am good and just had lunch.”

I told her all the brief details of today, told about the doctor’s sketches, and how her work attracted me.

She was listening very silently, I can feel her breath on the phone.

“Remember, yesterday I called you and recalled you in your old hobby.” She recalled me.

“Before marriage you loved to do paintings, drawings, sketches. You were used to winning prizes on your drawing stuff. This is the perfect time to put your hobbies in priority.” She added.

 “And you take out some time from your busy day, and start to make a sketch of me. How is it??” she says.

“Please send it to me.”

I was surprised and happy from inside to listen for myself. I feel relishing myself. Suddenly the voice breaks and pauses. Maybe network issues. But somehow I felt that she was not so comfortable today in talks. So, I decided to visit her. Very next day, I finished all my work as soon as possible and got ready. Took my keys and rushed to the door. As I opened the door I saw it was raining heavily outside, I just thought that it would stay but my heart was also pounding fast to think of my mom. So, I rushed towards my car, opened the gate and got inside in a hurry. I started to drive and reached mom's house. After I reached the house, I saw a perfect smile on her face and hugged me like a baby and she forgot all her pains and loneliness. We spend good time together, making tea, snacks. 

Afterwards she gave me my old sketchbook and paintings, and urged me to make the book more thick.  

“Thankyou Mom!” I smiled with high spirit.

Then I realized why I am not feeling so happy! Even I am keeping myself busy with other work and chores. It's the only point of keeping busy with my hobbies either I am doing my professional or personal.