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Funny

That's How I See It

                         by Presley Kane

"Don't you remember?" Shellie Mae expressed the best innocent look on her face as she looked at her sister, Gina.

Gina, in return, rolled her eyes at Shellie Mae. "No, Shellie Mae, that is something I do not remember!"

Gina looked at the dead and oh so hideous spider at their feet, then glanced back at her sister. "Well, you are the oldest. Therefore, I just thought you would remember where my fear comes from. I can't really remember much about my childhood, with it being so traumatic and all." She cut her eyes over at her sister to evaluate her reaction.

"Traumatic childhood!" Gina exclaimed in disbelief. "Shellie Mae, where on earth do you come up with these wild tales of yours?"

Gina sat at the kitchen table, sipping her tea. Gina knew that she should not have even asked. Yet again, she had fallen in her sister’s trap, just as she had always done when they were children. Now in their twenties, she should have known better.

 "Do tell me about this traumatic childhood of yours."

Shellie Mae sat across from her sister and placed her glass of tea on the table. She clasped her hands together in front of her in excited anticipation of having an audience.

"Well, I remember when I was about three, we lived next door to our grandparents in an old white frame house. There was a raging creek separating our house from our grandparents and a dangerous dilapidated bridge made of wood which we had to cross to get to grandma's." Shellie Mae paused for a moment to take a sip of tea. A usual ploy of hers to imply more drama before she continued.

Gina thought, oh lordy, this is going to be good. She waited for her sister to continue.

 "I remember being trapped at the water's edge at the old well house, and an enormous hornet was in my face! He was buzzing around and around right in front of me! I was terrified! I could hear the buzzing of all his friends coming to help him attach me! Then! Suddenly! He did! He stung me right above the eye! Don't you remember that, Gina?"

"No, Shellie Mae! You always change everything! In the first place, it was not a raging creek. It was a little ditch that, most time, did not even have any water in it. Secondly, it was not a hornet that stung you. It was a wasp, and there were no friends of his coming to attack you."

Indignantly, Shellie Mae replied, "well, I do have a scar above my eyebrow from the sting."

"Yes, you do, Shellie Mae, but again it was a wasp, not a hornet."

"Okay, fine! What about when I was about six years old, you climbed on top of the house and kept begging me to join you? You said I would be fine and that it was safe, and that mama would not care. So, I trusted you and climbed the ladder to the rooftop. I remember you had a table and chairs up there and you said we'd have a tea party and cake. I told you I wanted to cut the cake, and you threw the knife at me, and it stabbed me in the knee! I have the scar from that too!"

Gina shook her head before saying, "unbelievable, Shellie Mae, unbelievable! We did not climb on top of the house. It was a little storage building in the backyard. It was about five feet off the ground. You followed me up there. Uninvited, I might add! You cut your knee on a piece of sharp tin on the roof, and mama was furious! You got me in so much trouble that day!"    

Shellie Mae seemed unaffected by the denials. Instead, she continued.

"Okay, what about when I was ten, and we went swimming, and I almost drowned! I had to have CPR to start breathing again!" she looked at her sister as though daring her to deny that truth, which of course, Gina did.

"Oh my gosh! Where do you come up with this stuff?" She pushed her chair back from the table and went to the fridge to refill her glass of tea. She offered the pitcher up at Shellie Mae as though to ask if she needed a refill. Shellie Mae shook her head in denial at the offer. Then, as Gina took her seat, Shellie Mae continued. "I do not come up with this stuff as you put it. It is my life! My traumatic life, as I am trying to explain it to you. That is, after all, what you asked, correct?"

"Yes, that is what I said, all right. But Shellie Mae, you have gone past the point of exaggeration and straight to flat-out lies! You didn't almost drown; you didn't have to have CPR, and your head was barely under the water for a second!"

At this point, Shellie Mae was slightly perturbed at her sister's accusations.

"Okay, fine! As adults, I might add, what about the time we were on a sister's trip in Florida?" 

"Yeah, what about it?" Gina inquired with eyebrows arched as she again thought, here we go.

"I was driving and suddenly stopped the car on top of that long bridge that crossed the ocean. I got out of the car and screamed! All traffic came to a screeching halt! A handsome hunk of a guy jumped out of his jeep and came running over. Remember? He didn't have on a shirt, and he had an amazing six-pack! Whew! He was so hot! He had long blonde hair that flowed in the wind as he ran over to us! He was so handsome! He grabbed me by the shoulders and asked me what was wrong. I looked up into his gorgeous blue eyes as I replied as best I could between sobs and being unable to breathe. I told him that there was a giant tarantula in the car! It had crossed over my feet! Remember Gina! You know I have arachnophobia!"

Gina could stand no more! At this point, she fell out of her chair onto the floor in hysterical laughter. Shellie Mae stood up and crossed her arms indignantly as she looked at her sister.

After several minutes of hysterical laughter, Gina finally was able to compose herself and sat up. "Shellie Mae, I have to say you are the most interesting liar I have ever known! It was a spider the size of a nickel, and you pulled over in a parking lot. Unfortunately, there was no handsome guy that came to your rescue. Although I must say, that part of your story was amazing! Have you ever considered becoming an author? I think you would be great at it!"

Shellie Mae turned and angrily stomped out of the kitchen, leaving her sister sitting on the floor smiling after her.

                                                           The End.

July 23, 2022 01:51

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