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Fiction Funny Mystery

Stacey Hileman Iannazzo

Project J

Contest Entry

9/9/2021

Janine was embarrassed to be driving the family minivan. It had those stick people stickers on the back window that her mom thought were adorable. Janine wanted to scrape her figure off the window and replace it with a Grateful Dead Bear.  Janine would have preferred driving her dad's sporty red Dodge, but even as she pursed her lips to ask permission, her dad was already furrowing his brow and shaking his head back and forth. She grabbed her moms keys with the big dumb ‘Moms Taxi’ keychain and she bolted before they decided she couldn’t borrow the van either.  At least, she thought to herself as she drove to pick up Sharon and Kev, at least the stereo worked and she cranked the knob all the way to the right, feeling the bass vibrating in her tailbone.  

She’d only had her license a few months, and this was the first time her parents allowed her to leave the state to go to a concert venue a few towns over the Connecticut border.  Her father had checked the fluids and even filled the tank, a reward for Janine finally passing calculus. She donned a pair of oversized mirrored sunglasses and rolled to a stop in front of Sharon's’ house. She and Kev were already sitting on the front lawn, anxious to get on the road.  

“Heyyyyyyyy chick” Sharon all but yelled as she hopped into the front seat, dropping her backpack on the floor. Kev climbed into the row of seats behind the girls, grinning so broad all his teeth showed. Before they had even turned the corner at the stop sign, Kev lit a joint, took a long pull and passed it to the front seat. Both girls puffed and passed, singing along with the radio, and Janine felt the pot smoke enter her lungs.  She held it in for a few before exhaling, she laughed and passed it back to Kev.  This was not the homegrown stuff they had all become used to, this was grade a primo skunk that Kev had stolen from his sisters dresser.  Sharon fiddled with the radio passing over the top forty crap and commercials.  When she heard the Chili Peppers offering to ‘give it away’, she was satisfied and let the song play.  Despite what should have been the mellowing effects of the marajuana, the threesome were hyped.  It was only a minivan and it was only 50 or 60 miles or so, but like most teenagers, they felt a false sense of invincible freedom. 

Janine, still a little gun shy, opted to use the backroads and avoid the speed and hustle found on the highway. Kev remarked that this route was prettier anyway.  Kev was always enthusiastic and optimistic. He was fun in a way that set both girls at ease in his company. He was gay, but unlike other guys his age, he cared not who knew and furthermore, he cared less their opinions. The three of them had been inseparable since junior high. The minivan carefully maintained the speed limit and came to complete stops at all stop signs before they hit the bypass and the scenery changed from suburbia to rural route 27.  

When Sharon complained for what seemed like the 100th time that she was hungry, Janine pulled the minivan into a 7/11.  The three of them bought Red Bulls and chips, and Kev even tried to slide a six pack of Bud past the old timer working the register.  As soon as he was asked for his id, he chuckled and told the guy he lost his id while serving in Vietnam. To their surprise, the old kook laughed, but he still made Kev put the beer back in the cooler. Kev shook the mans hand and wished him a wonderful evening.  

Getting back on the road Janine and Sharon could not stop laughing at Kev’s big brass balls. There was no one he couldn’t charm, and Janine wished for the thousandth time that Kev liked girls. She fancied herself in love with him, even knowing he’ could never be hers. In all of her teenage angst she wrote dramatic entries into her journal about unrequited love and how when he smiled, Kev’s eyes smiled too. Not even Sharon knew of Janine's silent suffering.   They drove on, coming down a bit from the weed, she dialed in some Pink Floyd and according to gps they’d be at the show in twenty minutes or so.  They’d have plenty of time to park, and maybe scoop some beers from the tailgaters who congregated there. 

At mile marker 31, they saw him. A man walking alone on the shoulder. To describe him kindly, he was young and disheveled.  To be honest Janinie thought he looked like something out of Woodstock.  His hair was matted and his clothes were dirty.  He wore a beard and mustache, probably not by choice.  He carried a shoulder bag, and when he walked he lumbered as if he had suffered an injury to his right side. He shuffled along, thumb extended, glazed look on his filthy face. Without realizing she was doing it, Janine began to coast, slowing down to get a better look at the stranger hitchhiking on the side of the road. From the back seat Kev shouted “Hard Pass, I haven’t had a tetanus shot in years”.  Sharon laughed and said she could smell his body odor through the glass of the now slow moving minivan. Janine stared at the man, while with zero fan fair she pulled the van to a stop. Kev and Sharon had stopped laughing and were now wondering out loud if Janine had lost her Goddamn mind. “Jesus Christ Janine!” and “what the fuck are you doing” 

Janine steeled herself from her friend's objections, rolled down the passenger window and greeted the young man. “Where to friend?” she asked. Kev was openly fearful and begged Janine to drive away. Janine did not.  She listened as the man, who did indeed reek of sweat and garbage, as he told her he was heading to the same show as they.  “Hop in!” Janine exclaimed. Kev slid over in his seat til his shoulder was crammed against the drivers side door. 

Janine didn't exactly know why she stopped and picked up a total stranger.  Especially one as dirty and weird looking as this one. Maybe, she thought, maybe she was just pissed she couldn’t have the Dodge tonight, maybe I think he’s kind of cute in a Jim Morrison haven’t showered for weeks kind of way.  Maybe she didn’t put too much thought into picking up the stranger as she would have otherwise done. 

With him sitting behind her, she stole glances in the rearview.  He was leaning forward trying to be heard over yet another Pink Floyd song. She flipped the radio off to concentrate on what the strange stranger was saying. When he spoke, it was as if his tongue was too small for his mouth, and almost every word was unintelligible.  Spit gathered in webs at the corners of his mouth, mounting into globs that eventually dripped down his chin. One of his eyes was void of color and bulged a bit, straining against his socket. He had no eyebrows, but Janine didn’t know if that was on purpose. He wore plugs in his earlobes, large plated gauges weighing down his ears, allowing anyone sitting close enough to notice the grime that was built up in his ear canals.  Still, he spoke. And when he ‘spoke’ he waved his hands in the air like an old Italian woman, and when he waved his hands in the air, Janine could see a half inch of black much built up under his overgrown fingernails.  His palms were calloused and covered in new blisters that were weeping and upon inspecting them, Janine could all but smell the infection.  New bandages covered old bandages on his forearms. He wore a razor blade on a string around his neck. 

Kev had retreated to the third row of seats and Sharon was quietly begging to be let out of the van.  Janine decided that while old what’s his name here was indeed grotesque and difficult to look at, he did seem harmless. He even showed them his ticket to the show while he fished out a can of spray paint and a rag. Without a shred of embarrassment he sprayed the paint into the rag, held it to his face and inhaled deeply. He held the rag out to Sharon and then Kev, but they politely declined.  When Sharon demanded that Janine pull over and that either she or the hitchhiker leave the van, forcing an ultimatum, Janine pulled over and reached over Sharon’s lap to open her door for her.  “Unfuckingbelievable” Sharon shouted, “See you on Unsolved Mysteries!” She slammed the door and then she too began walking on the shoulder.  

After several wet attempts at giving Janine his name, he wrote it on a fast food napkin and held it up with pride. His handwriting was unusually neat.  “Joshua” “Nice to meet you Josh” Janine smiled and extended her hand to shake his outstretched one. His grip was gentle, but the large lump stationed just between his neck and shoulders shook under the skin that wrapped it tightly. Skin that had maybe been burned very badly in his past.  He gave up trying to speak, for which Kev was eternally grateful as the sound of hot wet phlegm moving around in Joshua’s mouth was turning his stomach.  Kev wished he had bailed with Sharon, as he shrunk smaller into himself, hoping to be forgotten. The monster in the middle row of Janines mothers minivan removed his skull cap to reveal a wound so disturbingly infected, it festered with fruit flies and maggots. Kev yelled for Janine to pull over, and even as she came to a stop, Kev was out of vehicle, bent over some weeds puking the contents of his stomach, splashing some back up to cover his sneakers. To his horror, ‘Josh’ had also exited the vehicle, and dragging one leg behind him, he approached Kev.  Kev backed away, telling Josh in no uncertain terms NOT to touch him. Janine joined them outside the van. Even after noting that Josh had only one nostril, Janine ignored her violently ill best friend and hurried to Josh’s side to gently rub his back. Seeing Janines well manicured hand on whatever that thing was, turned Kev’s stomach and again he puked. 

Janine was frantically trying to tell Kev that all human beings counted, and that Joshua could not help the way he looked.  Kev wanted to argue that the mongoloid that was their riding partner could have at least showered and put on fresh clothes. Instead, he pulled another number out of his pocket and did not pass it to Janine or Joshua, but smoked it down to a roach all on his own. 

When Kev was done, he glanced at his watch, noting that the show was starting without them. As much as he wanted to be in that crowd, he could not and would not get back into the van with Janine and her pet project, Joshua. He crossed the street, gave a half hearted wave and began walking back in the direction they had come from.  He did not look back when he heard the minivan start up and pull back onto the road. He focused instead on the small dot in the distance that he was sure was Sharon.  

Alone in the front seat with Joshua, Janine chatted away, trusting that helping out another human being was the Christian thing to do. Joshua salivated with excitement as he tried to follow along and recite the words he’d learned over the years. He had scars on scars and his shoes were torn and the rubber souls were thin slippers separating his feet from the pavement. Janine saw kindness in his one good eye. She reached across the seat, and clasped their hands together. Joshua’s face contorted into what had to be a smile. 

Two miles back in the other direction Kev had caught up with Janine.  They were glad to be free of the stench that had permeated the minivan. After a while they stopped talking about Janine,the show they were missing, and the stranger called Joshua. They were relieved to be away from whatever that ‘thing’ was, but quietly worried about Janine, driving her mom's minivan across the border. 

Kev, while checking his phone for service, and Sharon who had stopped to sip from her water bottle were oblivious to the sound of the oncoming truck.  An old fashioned dog catchers rig.  When they finally looked up, their eyes widened and anything they had been thinking was cut short when the truck sped up and mowed them down. Seeing Sharon crawling towards the grass, the truck slammed into reverse and double tapped her already mutilated body. Satisfied the teenagers were dead, the driver continued on his route, towards the border, in hopes of catching up with Joshua. Or project J as was his official title. 

Fin

September 06, 2021 14:34

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