Yours Truly

Yours Truly

Good morning I don’t understand. Question? Am I the only one who sits down when it’s a party? I got invited to a get together. It wasn't my type of crowd. I came in,& smiled at every drunk face in the room. I got tapped on the shoulder for being attractive but they said some about me didn’t seem active. I came to this party thinking that my outside life will fit some type of match for my sake. Instead it showed I should’ve never came. I knew 3 people inside who looked at me like I was from the outside looking through their dirty glass window. Since when is it a problem to sit down the whole time at a place where you're supposed to fade your problems away. I guess when they said party I was supposed to engage. At this point I could’ve stayed home,& bumped my music to 100 to the max to be tuned out. I would’ve been all alone, but that’s ok I have a phone I can call somebody. Now that I am home I can change out of my so called attraction clothes. I feel sick, very sick. I don’t want to throw up, so I’m going to drink so much fluids to keep my insides compressed. I feel like I’m holding in something how I really feel, but I’m afraid to say what. It’s not really that late, so I got to write some things down for my daily agenda. Even though I may not know what tomorrow may bring, I’m going to always offer my daily doings first. When the day comes I never follow it. I got so many things running through my little brain, I say something that happened years ago. Why do I bring up flashbacks? It’s the only conversation I don’t mind repeating myself.

Roses are green, my violets are true. I say random things, because that’s how you spark a conversation. Last time going out of my way to ask someone how you feel, I got asked what my ordeal is. Anywho I want to know why my energy won’t allow me to be aggressive. I try,& try but I can’t give in. Well I am always the first to say you can’t be walking around with angry bird feelings. I try to explain to a 10 year old what's the importance of being yourself. Of course I was told to mind my own. I am feeling so out of place. I can’t ever find the right way for my piece to fit in. Maybe it’s not meant. I can’t see myself being that popular chick. Behold the weakest, that may be me. It’s time for this non regular girl to find her real world.

I want to find a new house, and move away. I realized if I move I can find better ways to fit into place. Fast forward 3 months, boom here I am! In an unknown forest. It has addresses, and street names don’t get me wrong, but some about this street reminds me of water. A smooth road. Everything we come across won’t always be perfect, but we can avoid purposely hitting bumps. I know there are times when I feel like I’m not going to make it through, I would get the backlash encouragement to drop everything, and say forget it. One time I saw a woman ask me for change, I didn’t have enough to give her, so I offered up my last to help her. Words of an evil mouth said that couldn’t be me. I see that that’s why it wasn’t you. I can’t make this game up when I say I planned a meeting at my job, to where at the end the crowd got up and walked away with silence. I stayed to clean up. I got out with a smile, and told anyone if they needed me I would be around for a while. I need to go grab a snack real fast. Ahh an apple. All I need is a knife to shave off the skin of it. What’s the point of eating something you don’t want a lot of? Why even touch the apple that’s a waste. I got looked at weirdly for a good 15 minutes till the apple was at its last seed. My hair needs to be in a new style for about 2 weeks now. Yes the hair is mine, natural beauty at its best. Someone told me if I was to cut it you would look even better than ever. Wasn’t I not that before? Mhmm is what I heard back in response. Well perhaps one thing can help me out. Clothes. Let’s go shopping all out. Found me a leather jacket, with the cutest boots. Something approaches me by the feet to state what shirt is going with that? Oh no I have a shirt at home that can fit well with this set. Yuck! Is that what I heard? Is that what I am hearing? The eye roll spoke louder than the click of the ignorant person's tongue. Wait wait I’m tired of this.

What does it take for a person to want to be themselves? How hard is it for people to ignore people’s appearances, and start to listen to the heart? My whole journey I was labeled as a monster without being told to roar to the loudest. I looked like my movement was shaking the world. I told myself I am the Misunderstood monster of the party. Nobody knew where I was coming from at any point. I felt so sick to feel like I needed to breaded into importance, but I wanted to feel like I was heard enough. I looked in a mirror and saw green feet, giant nose, fur starting to come all over my skin, teeth spreading further than my reality appearances. I am a monster, misunderstood monster. I never wanted to or even tried to cause harm. Actually I’m happy to see that I am this monster, I still can’t cause pain to those. People never understood me. I never meant any wrong. Now I can live peace in my own world for how ever long.