Beautiful

Ever since she was a little girl, Andrea Marisca was obsessed with fairy tales and Disney movies. She watched the scenes with Cinderella and her fairy godmother on repeat play, until her mother destroyed the VHS tape in a fit of frustration at hearing the same scene for the eight billionth time. She loved the story of the ugly duckling and demanded that it be read to her at bedtime every night until she turned eight and her parents declared that she was too old for bedtime stories. But her family’s discouragement didn’t stop Andrea from reading and watching every rags-to-riches story and magical girl transformation anime she could find. Because even at a young age, Andrea was sure of two things in life: that the most important and valuable thing a girl could be was beautiful, and that she most assuredly was not.

The stories gave Andrea hope that someday her mousy brown hair would be glamorous beach-blonde waves instead of lank and oily. She dreamed that she would wake up one morning with clear skin, a smaller nose, and fuller lips. But even without her thick bottle-cap glasses, each morning she was disappointed when she looked in the mirror. She was still plain and on the chubby side, and no amount of hair dye or cosmetics or tweezing seemed to make enough of a difference for the world to consider her beautiful.

Andrea had even gone to cosmetology school and become a beautician in the hopes of discovering some secret technique or secret that could help her achieve the looks she’d always dreamed of. All she’d accomplished so far with her certifications was getting a job at a nail salon and becoming the best stylist there at doing French tips with jewel insets. She still had little to no luck on dating apps and few friends, which she attributed to her physical appearance in spite of her rigorous beauty regimen. Her manicures were always perfect, her outfits immaculate, and her makeup well done, but it seemed to Andrea that people only spoke to her when they had to; she was convinced that no one wanted to be around her because, in spite of her best efforts, she was ugly.

Her therapist, Mindy, encouraged Andrea to spend more time in mindfulness pursuits. “You have to learn to like yourself as you are,” Mindy advised before recommending that Andrea take up yoga and journaling and go for walks outdoors. So after work one sunny spring afternoon, Andrea decided to go for a walk in her neighborhood to give that advice a try. She made sure she looked as cute as possible, just in case she happened to run into her soul mate while she was out; high-waisted denim shorts, Prada sneakers, a turquoise blouse with a headband to match, and a Coach wristlet completed her look.

At first, as she walked along the sidewalks in her neighborhood, Andrea’s mind was too occupied with her appearance for her to take pleasure in the walk. She couldn’t walk too fast, or else she’d start sweating and ruin her blouse. She had to stay out of the sun for the same reason, and to protect her skin, even though she’d put on sunscreen before going out. And she had to make sure that she was walking Correctly–perfect posture, and projecting equal balance between an afternoon stroll and a Fitness Walk. After a few minutes, though, she took a turn and found herself walking down a paved path through a grassy area studded with trees, with no houses in sight ahead of her. A sign next to the path said “Silver Streams Metro Park.”

“I had no idea this was here,” Andrea said to herself, and in spite of her constant anxiety about appearances, she started to relax a little bit as she walked further into the park. The path led directly into a wooded area, and soon Andrea was surrounded by trees and dappled golden-green sunlight filtered through the leafy canopy overhead. A gentle breeze caressed her, and a slight smile tugged at her lips. She paused to watch a couple of squirrels chase each other around the trunk of a massive oak tree not far from the path. Their antics brought Andrea’s smile into full bloom.

Then, as she continued down the path, a bluebird flitted in front of her. Andrea yelped and jumped backward. Her heart skipped a beat and all of her muscles tensed as she watched the bird with wide, wary eyes.

“I forgot outside means birds,” she muttered to herself, trying to do some of the breathing exercises Mindy taught her to calm the racing of her heart. But then a crow cawed behind her, and Andrea took off running down the path, all thought of keeping her outfit nice abandoned. Ever since a neighbor kid’s pet parrot had bitten her hand when she was six years old, she has been terrified of birds of all kinds. Subsequent disgusting experiences with feathered creatures, from seagulls pooping in her hair during a trip to the beach to cleaning up dead baby birds when she worked in a lawn and garden center, had only made her fear and loathing of birds worse.

So Andrea ran through the woods as fast as she was able, trying to escape the birds and reclaim the peace and joy she’d felt while watching the squirrels play. Her breathing quickly became ragged; she wasn’t used to running, especially not outdoors instead of on a treadmill. She slowed her pace and then stopped, resting her hands on her knees and trying to steady her breathing while glancing around to see if she’d escaped from the crow.

A sunspot in the trees caught her eye, and before she knew it, Andrea was walking off the path towards the sunny place in the woods. As she got closer, she saw that golden light was illuminating a perfect circle bordered with flowers and toadstools.

“A fairy circle,” she marveled, creeping closer to its edge. She never thought she’d see one in real life, though they’d often featured in the stories she’d favored from childhood. But there was no doubt in her mind that she was looking at something extraordinary. Skepticism warred with wonder in her mind. Maybe this was a cruel joke from someone who knew her love of fairy tales and wanted to humiliate her. But on the other hand, with all the stories in so many cultures about supernatural beings, it was possible that some higher power could have left this here for her, wasn’t it?

Andrea decided there was one way to find out, and she’d never forgive herself if she passed up on any opportunity to make her dearest wish come true. She took off her earrings, necklace, and statement rings and put them into the circle, trying not to think about how many hours of work had gone into buying them. It would all be worth it if this worked, she told herself as she knelt beside the ring of flowers and toadstools.

“Please…whoever you are. Whoever made this circle here. Please, make me beautiful,” Andrea prayed. Over and over she repeated her plea, eyes closed and hands clasped in front of her, until a tinkling bell-like sound caught her attention.

When Andrea opened her eyes, she found a slim young girl with butterfly wings sprouting between her shoulders hovering in the middle of the circle, holding the sacrificed golden jewelry with long, delicate fingers. Although the girl was small, between two and three feet tall, her features were exquisite and her skin was flawless. Her hair tumbled down her back between her wings in pastel rainbow waves, and her lilac eyes looked into Andrea’s muddy brown ones with piercing clarity.

“So. You want to be beautiful?” the girl asked Andrea. The timbre of her voice was reminiscent of a wind chime.

“You’re a fairy,” Andrea breathed, unable to believe what she was seeing. Giddiness rose up in her chest as she blinked and blinked again but the strange being remained.

“Call me Iridia,” the fairy answered. “Now tell me, Andrea. You want to be beautiful. Anything else?”

For a moment, Andrea just gaped at Iridia while the fairy strung her rings and earrings onto the chain of her necklace, all while regarding Andrea with unsettling scrutiny.

“I couldn’t ask for anything more,” Andrea managed after a few false starts. “All I’ve ever wanted is to be beautiful. Would you be able to do that for me…Iridia? Please?”

Iridia smiled in a way that unsettled Andrea a bit. “Of course I can. I am pleased with this offering and can grant any wish, mortal. But are you sure about this one?”

“Yes. I’ve never wanted anything more in my entire life.”

“Be careful what you wish for, Andrea.”

A sob tore from Andrea’s throat. “Please. I’m sure. Being beautiful will solve all my problems. People will like me. I’ll be able to get a boyfriend. My parents will be proud of me. Just please, please…” Her words were swallowed by another strangled sob of desperation.

“All right. I just wanted to be sure that you are sure before granting your request. Once granted, a wish cannot be undone.”

“You mean, I’ll be beautiful forever?” Andrea could hardly imagine anything more perfect.

Iridia tilted her head to one side, as if contemplating something, and then jangled the jewelry with a sense of decisiveness. “Walk through these trees, keeping the setting sun in front of you. Soon you will find a little pond with water still as glass, ringed by flowers much like these,” Iridia instructed, waving a hand at the blooms in her circle. “Take a swim in the pond, and make sure you go completely underwater, head to toe. Then your wish will be granted.”

“Oh, thank you, thank you–” 

Andrea would have said more, but Iridia vanished in a puff of sparkle, taking her jewelry with her. And so Andrea scrambled to her feet and rushed through the woods in the direction of the setting sun. Her eyes raked through the landscape for any sign of the pond Iridia mentioned.

The journey to the pond lasted only five minutes or so, but this felt like an age to Andrea in her wild, impatient excitement to finally be beautiful. Just as Iridia had said, Andrea found a pond with still, clear waters, surrounded by daisies and violets and foxglove. She took a minute to strip down to her underwear, so that at least she wouldn’t ruin her designer bag and sneakers by getting them wet, before stepping into the pond. She gasped at the sharp coldness of the water and the way it made her skin tingle, but she was not going to let a little discomfort get in the way of achieving her dream. She’d certainly endured worse in all of her past failed attempts to beautify herself. She took a deep breath and plunged all the way into the pond, letting the water close over her head.

Blinding light engulfed Andrea as the cold tingles from the water ran through her whole body like electric shocks. She burst through the surface of the water again and floated on the surface, letting the water calm down so that she could look at her reflection.

A long, white neck and an avian head with black eyes and an orange beak met her gaze when she looked down at the water. She tried to scream, but a trumpeting honk rang through the clearing instead, and huge white feathered wings spread at her sides when she tried to raise her arms.

There’s been a mistake, Andrea told herself. This can’t be me. It’s just another nightmare. I’ll wake up–

Her eyes caught sight of pastel rainbow hair and butterfly wings at the edge of the pond. Iridia fluttered where Andrea had left her clothes.

“Perfect. I knew you’d make an absolutely beautiful swan,” the fairy beamed, looking at Andrea with pride. A sinking feeling plummeted through Andrea’s feathered chest. “I think you’ll be much happier this way. No human society with their unrealistic beauty standards and ridiculous expectations. Just at peace in the forest, like you wanted to be when you were running from that crow. Isn’t that so, Andrea?”

Andrea honked with frustration and indignation. This isn’t what I wanted and you know it! she wanted to tell the fairy, but her ability to speak had left her with the transformation.

“Oh, don’t be like that,” Iridia told the swan in the pond. “I know it’s a bit of a shock, and probably not what you had in mind, but I did ask you if you were sure. You didn’t tell me what you meant by beautiful, or put any qualifiers on your wish at all, and so…I did what I thought would be best for you. And look! You really are beautiful. Wasn’t ‘The Ugly Duckling’ always your favorite story? Isn’t it such a treat to see literature come to life?”

Andrea wanted to say a lot of ugly things to Iridia in that moment, but her new form made that impossible. Instead, she looked at her reflection again, hating her beak and every pristine white feather. She spread her wings and beat them a few times, then trumpeted with surprise when she lifted off the surface of the pond.

“Oh, that’s right. You can fly now. Isn’t that a delight? I think you’ll love it.” Iridia vanished again with chiming laughter that echoed through the pond clearing. Andrea kept flapping her wings, rising above the treetops into the light of the setting sun. This form was far from what she wanted, but as she surveyed the neighborhood she once called home from above the metropark, she thought maybe that pesky fairy could be right. Being a swan could be better than being a human. And besides, she remembered all too well what Iridia said about wishes: Once granted, they could not be undone.

The only choice she had was to try to make the best of the beautiful nightmare she’d become.