The Grocery Game

“Okay, the woman in front of the milk”

“The one in the red coat?”

“Yeah”

“Alright. She’s uhh. She’s married-- was married, there’s a shadow of a ring on her finger. No kids, her ex husband didn’t want any. She looks defeated, probably gave up a umm vegan lifestyle and is regretfully going back to dairy products. Two cats, maybe a bird--”

“A bird?”

“Yeah why not? Anyway, she looks like a teacher, probably for lower elementary: She still has hope left that she can change the world. You’re up, how about the man next to her?”

Making up lives for the people around them was always something that Arthur and Penelope liked to play in the supermarket. It made shopping less boring and gave them something to focus on besides the shopping list that Penelope’s mother had always assigned them. It was a habit that they kept for years after.

Now Penelope made her own shopping lists, but Arthur almost never failed to join her. The pair remained inseparable throughout everything life had thrown at them, and their weekly grocery adventures kept their lives entertaining.

“Okay, so he’s wearing a leather jacket. Probably a biker. He’s um, somewhere in his late 20s or early 30s, never married-he wants to live that bachelor lifestyle for as long as he can. No pets, travels. He could be in a band.” Arthur decided.

The pair watched as the man in the leather jacket walked over to the woman in the red coat and kissed the top of her head. Penelope started to laugh. Arthur pulled her in to the nearest aisle before the couple could see them before he joined her in the laughter. One of their favorite parts of the game was when they were proven wrong, which they rarely were. They almost never saw the people they made lives for interact with other character that they had made up.

Clearly the couple didn’t lead the lives that Penelope and Arthur had made for them. They made up wild fabrications when they invented lives. They were going for entertainment, not accuracy. Penelope always created more elaborate lives for her chosen person, making them live emotional rollercoasters of lives. Arthur tried to go more realistic, he hated making up people to add to their lives.

Penelope wiped the tears from her eyes and grabbed her shopping list out of her cart.  “Next up is the bakery,” She declared.

With a dramatic twist of the cart, Penelope headed confidently in the direction of the bakery section. The momentous wind scooped up Penelope’s list, carrying it away from her and tucking it neatly under the nearest shelf. 

She hadn’t noticed the escape, but Arthur had. He trailed behind just enough to watch. He bent down to grab the paper and jogged to catch up with Penelope and the cart. He walked backwards, waving the list teasingly at her.

“Dop something, Pen?” He asked, keeping the list just out of her reach.

Penelope furrowed her brow, trying not to laugh at him. She grabbed for the list, but Arthur kept moving it. He just held it up over his head as Penelope attempted to jump up and pull it away from him. With one huge leap, Penelope snatched the list from his hands. She skimmed her eyes across the page, making sure that they hadn’t torn it in the scuffle.

“This isn’t my list.” Penelope said, “I don’t know where you got it from, but I definitely don’t need blue cheese.” She held the list back out to Arthur.

Arthur peered at the list. It was strange, and not things that Penny would have needed.

Blue Cheese

Salad Dressing

4 yarn

Egg

D Tape

Dye?

Soap

Spooky bois

Soy milk

Pretzel bun

3 peppers

Dragons

Sriracha

Kombucha

P. Pears 

POt/dirt

Rambutan

Almonds/nuts

Snacking bois

“I’m gonna be honest,“ Arthur said, “I don’t know like half of the things on here. A dragon? Rum-ba-tans? What is a ‘spooky boi?’”

They stared at the list together, curiosity bubbling out of them. Penelope looked at Arthur, then to the list, then back at Arthur, ideas already forming in her head.

“Alrighty then, we have basically three choices,” Penelope declared, “we can put the list back and pretend we never found it. We could find everything on the list.” She hesitated.

“Or?”

“Or, I think it probably belongs to a woman. College age do you think?” Penelope grinned.

“Ooh! Dyed hair then? Definitely has her roots showing. She gives me pink hair vibes.” Arthur declared.

They continued walking to the bakery, spitting out ideas and assumptions about the owner of their mystery list. Hipster, natural blonde, big wire-rimmed glasses, college student, high-top vans.

“She probably shops mostly at the thrift store, just for the quirky value of it.” Arthur remarked, “She’s probably fond of polaroids.”

“She definitely keeps a polaroid of her and her best friend in her phone case. Do you think it’s arms around each other or like against the sunset with heart hands?” Penelope added.

“I feel like its a typical picture, maybe in front of a tree or something. Definitely not a selfie though.” 

Once they started, the ideas kept flowing. Long hair that was usually braided, very talented at makeup, liked to cook, had an energetic golden retriever, they couldn’t decide if she was a flower crown or beanie kind of girl. The more they created about this girl, the more specific they became.

“Do you think she has hippy parents or super stuffy conservative parents?” Penelope wondered, “I feel like hippy parents would have named her Daisy or Amaryllis, but stuffy parents would have named her like Beatrice or Lucille.” 

Eventually they decided that her name was Emma. It wasn’t too eccentric or old. It was a pretty common name that normal parents would name their normal child. Emma probably unlocked her more adventurous hipster side in college. They decided that she probably chose to go by her middle name in college, but they didn’t know what it could be. 

As they continue to create Emma and her life, Penelope filled her cart with everything that she needed to buy. Arthur was still spitting out ideas when Penelope couldn’t remember any more of her list. She had gotten so involved in Emma’s life that she had forgotten the lost list. 

Arthur stopped talking abruptly and nudged Penelope until she paid attention to him. When she finally looked up, he gestured to a girl across the supermarket. She had pink hair and was walking with another girl who was carrying a shopping basket. Before she could stop him, Arthur took the list and ran up to the pair.

She couldn’t hear what Arthur was saying to them, but he was attempting to hand the pink haired girl the list that they had found. She wasn’t taking it. Penelope watched as Arthur’s face turned red and he waved awkwardly at the girls as they hurried away.

“That...That was not our mystery girl.” Arthur admitted bashfully, “Maybe I was a little quick to jump the gun on that one.”

All Penelope could do was laugh, which she did loudly. Arthur’s face glowed brighter at his friend’s glee.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.’ he grumbled, “Let’s just get out of here, it’s time to go home.”

‘What?” Penelope teased, “Giving up on your mystery shopper already?”

Arthur didn’t answer. His eyes were on the little old man who had just approached their cart. He was wearing a sweater vest and walking with a cane. He tapped Penelope on the shoulder before introducing himself.

“Excuse me, young people.” He rasped, “I couldn’t help but notice the bright paper you have. I lost the list my wife gave me, and it was that color. Would that happen to be that same list?” 

Penelope gently took the paper from Arthur’s hands and handed it to the man. “We found it on the floor and have been looking for the owner. I’m glad it found its way back to you.”

The man thanked them and left. It wasn’t the point of the game to be right, it was just for entertainment.