Life beyond apples

“Ok, to be honest, this is like, super old fashioned.” 

“To be honest, I really don’t care.” 

“Yeah, that’s kinda obvious. Technically though, you should, because like...life.” 

“Life? What the heck? What does that even mean?”

“If you want to get anywhere in life, then you’re going to have to be a put together person who can at least portray themselves as a normal modern human being.” 

“And by listening to the latest music you’re going to become the CEO of Microsoft? I don’t think so.” 

“Well, is apple picking going to get you there?” 

“I am channeling the inner me and letting my creativity flow out...absorbing all the late fall sunshine and letting the crisp air stir my mental capabilities, until my brain is stimulated and my soul is refreshed and I am ready to greet the world with all the skill within me prepared. Plus, I don’t actually want to be the CEO of Microsoft.”

“You’re weird.” 

“Yeah, I know.” 

“But you don’t care?”

“Pretty much.”

“Why are we even going apple picking though? Besides your strange desire to wade through muddy orchards attempting to find non-wormy apples in the freezing cold? Oh, Google Maps says turn here.” 

“Ooh, look at the sign: Spooky Orchards. Sounds so...spooky. Ok, actually, that’s probably the most unoriginal and lame name I’ve ever seen.”

“You’re avoiding the question.” 

“What?” 

“Why are we doing this?” 

“Oh, yeah, right. Well, it’s actually kinda obvious. We want apples.”

“Yeah, I assumed that. But why?”

“Apple cider, apple hand pies, caramel apples, apple crumb muffins, you name it. It’s like, the classic fall flavor.” 

“I thought pumpkin was.” 

“That too. Which is why we’re going to a pumpkin patch next week.”

“Wait what?”

“Ok, where do we park?”

“No. Absolutely not. I’m not wasting another Saturday tromping around in muddy fields. Nope.” 

“Is that a parking spot or not?” 

“You cannot force me to come.”

“Wait, that’s the entrance to the main house. Never mind. Um…”

“I will not go.”

“Yes, you will. And, we are parked. Let’s go!”

“You can’t just expect me to give up everything to come with you to a stupid pumpkin patch.”

“Um, yeah I can. And do. End of discussion.” 

“But,”

“I said end of discussion. Not clear enough?” 

“Fine.”

“Fine. Plus, admit it, you love this.” 

“No I...ok, whatever.” 

“Ha! I win, as usual. The sign says pick up your crate and go pick your apples, then come back and weigh the amount to see how much to pay. Can do. Which way is the orchard though?”

“It’s literally right behind you. See? Like, right there. Bam. In your face.” 

“Ok, you don’t need to rub my unfortunate lack of sight and direction into my already sore war wounds.” 

“War wounds?”

“I tripped yesterday.” 

“Wait, when? What happened? I love your tripping stories!”

“You are such a great friend, Claire. You love it when I make a fool of myself in public.”

“You were in public! Yes, this is getting better every second! And you’re welcome for being such a great friend, Bailey.” 

“Yeah, yeah. So, I’m at work right?”

“Hmhm.” 

“And my shift is done, so I take off my apron and everything, wash my hands, blah blah blah. Btw, Starbucks is like, super busy today.”

“Classic.” 

“So I walk out into the seating area, and for some reason, I don’t see the ‘Caution Wet’ sign that’s literally right in front of me. Which is ironic, since I put it up, because I spilled our order of caramel syrup and had to mop it up for like, an hour.” 

“Bailey, you are making my day.” 

“Anyways, I walk right into the puddle that is still there, and slip. I fall right onto my butt, and my pants are like completely soaked. Plus, I was carrying coffee, which spilled all over my top, so I’m just chilling in the middle of the Starbucks floor all soaked by coffee, water, and humiliation, like hey guys, just in a day’s work for me. So, yeah. War wounds.” 

“Honestly, that’s like your best story yet. Besides you tripping and falling on your face right in front of that group of hot boys. That was pretty awesome too.” 

“Yeah, easy for you to say. Oohhhhh! Look! Apples! And trees! And ladders to climb the trees! Yesssss!”

“Why do you sound so surprised to see all these things at an apple orchard?” 

“I’m not surprised, just rejoicing in the fact that there is still pure goodness in this world, and I am privileged enough to enjoy it.” 

“By picking apples.” 

“By picking apples.” 

“Whatever.” 

“Ok, I’m going to climb the tree, and pick the apples, and you’ll stand at the bottom with the basket, which I can throw the apples into.” 

“Why do I have to hold the basket?” 

“Do you want to climb this really wet tree and stick your head up into its branches attempting to find a fruit you don’t even care about?” 

“Good point. Wait, but won’t the apples get bruised by being thrown?” 

“Yes. Which is why I’m expecting you to catch them first. Another reason you are stationed at the bottom, not me.” 

“Um, I guess I’ll do my best.” 

“That’s the spirit! So, spill the tea.” 

“What tea?”

“Everything you’ve done in the last like 5 hours since you last updated me.” 

“I’m pretty sure tea is supposed to be juicy information. Not every detail of mundane life.” 

“Expanding your vocabulary? Mundane. I approve.” 

“I don’t need to expand my vocabulary. It’s already very large.” 

“Not true.”

“Example?” 

“Well, if you did have a so-called ‘large vocabulary reference,’ you would have said your knowledge of the aforementioned vocabulary was extensive, not large.” 

“Aforementioned?” 

“It means like mentioned or talked about earlier.”

“Oh.” 

“Yeah, you really don’t have a large pool of interesting words that are rarely used to draw upon.” 

“Do you even want to hear about what happened?”

“Oh right! Yes, of course, Claire. Do go on.” 

“You won’t interrupt?” 

“Nope. Lips sealed. See? Zip! Oh, watch out! That apple just...hit your head. Okay, sorry.” 

“Ugh! Why didn’t you warn me earlier? Why are you looking at me like that...oh, you’re not talking right. Well then. So, I told you how Asher said he had a surprise for me tomorrow? Yeah, well, today he texted me and was like, update! Make sure you have your nails done. I’m like, my nails? What about makeup or something? And he’s like, yeah, sure, but nails are more important. I’m like when did you get so interested in my nails, but he said it was for me. Whatever that means. So then I was like, I shouldn’t do my makeup? And he literally said ‘Sure, babe, if you want, but you are just as beautiful without makeup as with it on.’ Maybe an overused line, but still, my heart was like Ahh! And I almost died. So, really confused. But excited. And scared. Yup. You can talk now.” 

“Wow, that’s just, wow.” 

“Why do you look like that?” 

“Like what?” 

“Like you’re trying not to laugh, lie and give away a secret all at once.” 

“How do you always manage to interpret my facial expressions so accurately?” 

“But why?” 

“I can’t say.” 

“Wait, do you know what this is about?” 

“Yeah.” 

“What?!!! What is it?”

“I can’t tell, I already said.” 

“Talk about being a good friend, Bailey.” 

“Trust me, tomorrow, you will be very grateful that I didn’t tell you. And probably thinking I’m the best friend in the world.” 

“Whatever. Also, I’m tired of waiting.” 

“For what? Okay, this tree is done! Honestly it looks like we have enough apples. You wanna just head back?”

“Yeah, sure.” 

“What are you tired of waiting for?” 

“Well, Asher and I have literally been dating for 3 whole years. And I’m 23. Like, why can’t he just ask me to marry him and get it over with? I’m starting to think maybe he doesn’t care.” 

“Oh, I wouldn't say that honey. Remember what we were just talking about?” 

“About him wanting me to paint my nails for the surprise tomorrow? Yeah.” 

“Um, connect the dots.” 

“What dots?” 

“Oh my gosh Claire! Where is your brain?”

“Inside my head. Unlike yours, which is literally, like, everywhere, as soon as you see anything pretty. Like that leaf.” 

“Ah! That leaf is so pretty! Here, let me just...take a picture...there. It’s so gorgeous! How can nature be this amazing Claire?” 

“Um…”

“Do you ever just stop to wonder? Like, look around you! Beauty! Beauty in everything! The blue sky, the vibrant orange leaves, these delicious tawny apples!”

“I’m cold.” 

“The fact that it is finally cold enough to wear sweaters! Sweater weather!”

“Bailey, I’m literally freezing.”

“Okay, fine, fine. Let’s go. All the apples together cost $50, so here you go! Thanks so much for letting us come to your apple orchard!”

“Letting us come? It sounds like that old lady is doing you a favor. You’re literally paying her.”

“It’s called manners, Claire.” 

“The lady could have had some manners herself. She didn’t even respond.” 

“Don't criticize strangers. You don’t know what they’re going through. But, yeah, she did seem a little grouchy.” 

“Wait, where are you going? The way home is the other direction!” 

“You need to go get your nails done, remember?” 

“Wait, you're coming with me! But you hate the salon!”

“Yeah, but you hate the apple orchard, so I figured I’d better pay off my debt by coming with you.”

“Yes! Thank you! Ah, I love getting my nails done. It’s like, the best. Will you get yours done?” 

“Do you want me to?”

“Um, yeah. Duh.” 

“Sure.”

“Really?”

“Of course. Oh, and Claire?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Thanks for coming apple picking with me.” 

“What are friends for?”