The Monster

The Monster slowly settled itself over Jessa's head, enveloping her in a thick smog like film. The stench made it difficult to breathe. Jessa tried in vain to push it off. It was heavy. Super heavy. Like carrying weights around on your shoulders all the time. Just breathing was a struggle. It was obvious that the creature was settling in for a nice long stay. Jessa felt panic clawing its way up her throat. This horrible creature was planning to suck all the life out of her. It would kill her. She knew that as surely as she knew her name was Jessa.

It was a beautiful spring morning. Sunshine flooded the park where Jessa had come on her usual morning jog. She had never even noticed the monster, until it was already to late.

Tired and out of breathe from her run that morning, Jessa had sat down on the park bench to catch her breathe. It was then that she'd noticed that she had a voicemail on her phone. It has been her mother telling her that her older brother Ricky had gotten arrested. What he'd been arrested for had given Jessa a jolt. She'd chosen to believe that it was over. That it was no longer happening. The realization that it had not just been her, that he had not stopped, had numbed Jessa. It was while she sat on that park bench with all the sordid memories she'd boxed up running freely through her mind, that the monster had come upon her. She'd had no chance to fight.

Getting up, Jessa headed out of the park. She was fully prepared for the screams that were sure to come when people saw her. Someone with a normal human body, and a monster for a head, well who wouldn't scream, if they saw that. It was likely people would think that aliens had invaded. Maybe she would even get shot by someone who mistook her for an alien. That would definitely be preferable to the alternative. And that was to live the rest of her life with this monster attached to her.

But strangely no one seemed to be able to see the monster. People smiled and waved like usual. So Jessa smiled and waved back. Apparently the monster was invisible to others. That was a good thing, right? This way she would not mistakenly get shot for being an alien.

Back at home in her kitchen, Jessa tried to think. She was somehow going to have to take these memories and box them back up. But they were worse than her children were. They reeked havoc on her mind, until Jessa had difficulty forming a coherent thought. Who knew that one single event could unleash such a torrent. If her brain had a release valve, and she pulled it, it was a very real possibility that the whole town would be flooded.

Therefore in order to keep everyone safe it was vital that she not let any out. It was imperative that she box them up as soon as possible.

A cry from the bedroom caused her to get up. She met her husband on his way out with the baby. "Oh, hey, you're back." He smiled, handing her the baby. "I need to get ready for work now."

Jessa reached out and took the baby. Holding his little body close, she breathed in that clean baby scent. It calmed her ever so slightly. There was another reason to just try to live with this new reality. Pretend the monster did not exist, and just maybe it would go away.

By the husband kissed her goodbye the other two children were also up and clamoring for breakfast.

"Good luck" her husband grinned at her as he went out the door.

When Jessa stuck her toungue out at him and said, "You're just glad you don't need to do it." He only grinned broadly, and closed the door behind him. He apparently didn't notice the monster either, Jessa mused while she fixed breakfast for the kids. So, if no one could see the monster, except for her, then pretending it didn't exist should be relatively easy. Jessa breathed a tiny bit easier at the thought.

It wasn't as easy to pretend that the monster did not exist as Jessa had thought it would be. It soon affected every part of her life. Her relationship with her husband suffered and was soon on the verge of collapse. Her patience with her children was almost nonexistent. Getting out of the house was harder and harder. Social situations were next to unbearable. Jessa always felt as if she was on public display.

Even though she knew it was all the work of the monster, that people weren't really staring at her, or whispering about her, it still took its toll. Mentally and physically. Jessa was exhausted. The monster was winning. And soon she would be gone, and the monster would go on to its next host. And do it all over.

Time passed. Life went on and the years rolled by. Somehow Jessa managed to hold on to the tattered remnants of her life. She managed to hold on to her marriage. Slowly she learned how to live with the monster, so that it was no longer consuming her life. Her brother was released from prison, and seemingly turned over a new leaf. Everything was going well. So well that for a time Jessa even forgot about the monster. Her relationship with her husband improved again. Life appeared brighter than it had for a long time. Jessa took the time to ensure that she was taking steps to get better. Putting the past behind her, and little by little she felt less of the monsters weight.

Then.... another shocking revelation. Jessa felt the impact clear to her toes. What? How? He'd changed, hadn't he? His speech, his actions were so different from what they had been before. With this new information it appeared it had all just been an act.

And the monster returned. In full force. Jessa felt hurt, betrayed all over again. She felt sad, sick, and angry. How? Was it really so hard to be a decent human being? He had a family now. How could that not matter to him?

But this time Jessa was not going to give in to the monster so easily. It was NOT going to take over her life again. Oh, no, not again. It was time to do something about it. It was going to be up to her. She thought of her own children. And felt more determined than ever. Her brother's children deserved better. They deserved a chance at life too. If things continued as they were they had no chance whatsoever. It wasn't fair, and she was not letting the monster take over this time. She was going to get the proof she needed, and then she was going to confront whoever she needed to, until one way or the other something got done. There were lives at stake. No more children needed to grow up, and become acquainted with the monster she carried and would always carry.

While her monster no longer carried the weight it used to, Jessa knew it would always be there, lurking, just waiting biding its time hoping she would once again give it free rein.

Jessa knew what she had to do, and that she would find the strength to do it. In a way Jessa supposed she owed her monster a thank you. If not for it, she would not have fought nearly so hard to rise above it, or to move on. Her memories were now neatly shelved, instead of just haphazardly placed in a box and locked in the closet of her mind. She was no longer trying to live as if the memories did not exist, instead she built her life around them, and let the experience make her stronger.