For The Love Of Dance

You kept staring at me, across a crowded , smoke-filled room. I couldn't seem to look away no matter how hard I tried. My friends each grabbed an arm in an attempt to pull me off the dance floor. I stood firm , transfixed .Nothing and no-one could pull me from my spot. I had never experienced such a strange state of paralysis in my life!

Megan and Tully had been at me for weeks to stop mulling around the house and get back to my first love, which of course is dancing. I didn't have it in me. I truly didn't. I was exhausted both mentally and physically after discovering a family secret kept hidden (especially from me!) for over twenty one years.

Mother and father pleaded with me to just listen! Normally I would respect everything they had to say to me. But this, well this was not something that warranted my respect. I couldn't even look them in the eye! Not after they had dropped such a huge bombshell on me!

I felt as though someone had died. And in a sense , they had. Forget about everything I thought I knew about myself! It was all irrelevant now! Just when I felt my life was finally coming together. Why did they have to do this now? I just can't get my head around it!

Megan and Tully had always been by my side. Through thick and thin. We had found each other through an online forum aptly named "For The Love Of dance". There were of course thousands of members. Yet we had somehow managed to connect. They saved my life. They really did! But this new predicament I had found myself in, I wasn't sure how they could help me on this one!

It's not that I hate my parents, oh no I could never do that! I just couldn't stand them at this time. They knew when to give me space, and with this recent information coming to light, They sensed I needed to be alone. I really had no clue how to process the emotions I was feeling at this moment in time. It was all a little too much!

Tully was the first to arrive, even though I insisted they stay well away! Carrying a bottle of cheap chardonnay, not because he couldn't afford anything else. But because it was the very first drink we had shared together when we finally met face to face. Megan was moments behind, lapping at his heels like a "good little doggy". Her arms laden with cupcakes, chocolates and doritos. Our go- to emotional snacks.

I was reluctant to open the door. But their pitiful faces won me over, as they always did. We hugged, and cried and stuffed our faces until we could barely move. The chardonnay washed it all down nicely , with the added bonus of feeling a little tipsy and numb. That's what I love about these two, no pressure to spill the beans until I was ready.

The morning after I still couldn't find the words to bring my friends up to speed with my emotional state. We hugged some more and just sat in silence with a nice hot brew of my favourite mushroom latte. Food was the furthest thing from my thoughts. Yet I managed to pick at the blueberry pancakes dripping with lashings of maple syrup, made by "Chef Tully". I managed to devour the whole lot without even realising it!

"Okay guys, um, let me just begin by saying that I love you both no matter what. And I really really appreciate all that you both do for me. Um...Oh why is this so hard?Bugger it! I'm just gonna say it!"

And then there was a knock on my apartment door. Making me jump out of my skin! Causing concern for my two best friends as they witnessed my already pale face turn ashen, and just like that..I passed out!

"Senna! Senna babe! Can you hear me?", My almost hysterical friend Megan blurted out.

I heard myself groaning as I tried hard to fight the waves of darkness threatening to take me under its depths once more. Tully had seen sense to grab my emergency bottle of lavender oil from my hand bag laying close by. Wafting it under both Megan's and my nose, we both become calm really really quickly!Gotta love my lavender!

A look of confusion appeared on my face as I glanced towards the door. Tully could sense my question before I even spoke and handed me an envelope that he had been given by the postman ( the mysterious door knocker) during my "episode" earlier. My hand was shaking as I grasped onto the thin slip of paper tucked inside.

Fast forward back to where I find myself once again, Paralysed on the spot, staring at the figure that was now walking it's way towards me. I couldn't breathe! My heart was pounding a little too fast and my knees were threatening to give way! I was absolutely terrified!

Megan and Tully were once again by my side, holding each of my hands in theirs. I immediately felt my sense of calm return. I had my "Posse" by my side. I felt strong, brave , ready to face whatever was headed my way. Because I was not alone.

I managed a weak smile as I recognized the face that had once seemed unfamiliar and unrecognizable. I know longer felt the fear that had almost taken over nor the unexplainable emptiness that had followed me for as long as I could remember. "You" completed me.

It had all been a terrible nightmare, the kind you felt you may never wake up from. Of course it was all in my head, because that's what being in a coma is all about. I had been in a horrendous car crash on the night of my twenty first birthday, which left me with life threatening injuries. I had to be placed in an induced coma in order for me to have any chance of surviving.

The scenes that had been playing out in my head while I was in a coma, were my mind's way of trying to work through the physical and emotional trauma I had sustained as a result of the accident. My mind was protecting me from the heartbreaking truth that I had died, and miraculously returned, albut in a state of paralysis and deep sleep. On top of that, I was shielding myself from the painful truth that my two best friends had been killed!

On the day of my twenty first birthday, I had been given shocking news from my parents. They were divorcing after thirty years of marriage, which felt like a bolt out of the blue for me! Because I was not good at accepting change. Of course they could have picked a better time!

I had seen the signs of my parents failing marriage. I just didn't want to believe it was happening! I was also fuming over the rejection of a job I had been angling for with a reputable dance company (the slip of paper) I had longed to be a part of ever since I was a little girl!

I took heart in the fact that the paralysis I had been experiencing was only temporary. But the pain of losing Megan and Tully was something that would last my entire lifetime! I couldn't even begin to imagine how the driver at fault was feeling!

The mysterious figure that I had seen on the dance floor, was in fact me..The "me" that was so in love with life and dancing. I knew that Megan and Tully's spirits had found their way to me, to help remind me that although they were no longer here in the physical, They would always be a part of me. It was not only time for me to return to the land of the living, but i also needed to return to my first love.

"Thank You Megan and Tully, once again you have both saved my life".