The Letter

“Three beautiful kids, a husband who completely dotes on you, a big house, what else could you want in life, Mindy?” mum said to me, trying to put on the same stern voice that she did when she wanted to put her point across. Only that now she was a lot older and her voice was shaky.

“A great career, mum!” I said, throwing the sepia-toned envelope on the table next to her. I had tears in my eyes that I was trying very hard to stop from rolling down my cheeks. 

“You do have a great career. You think it’s easy to be a banker?” she said.

“Stop pretending as if you don’t know what I’m saying,”  I said, pointing at the letter.

“It was a mistake calling you over for a few days!” 

I laughed and said in all sarcasm, “Yes, and it was a mistake that I decided to clean up the store room! Strange, you did not stop me!”

She was quiet. 

I continued. I had to vent out my anger.

“Oh! Unless you had no idea that I would find this!” I nearly screamed, again pointing at the letter.

“As a matter of fact I had completely forgotten about it!” mum said in a low tone, as if making a confession.

“What a shame! It should’ve been bothering you all the time. You’ve no conscience, mum? What are you made of?”

“What makes you think that I did not think of it after I got the letter? You think I’m made of stone? I of course did all this for your own good! Saved you from living a life full of hardship.”

“Ha! My good!” I snorted. 

“And yes, it did hurt me for many years but then it all faded away when I saw your growth, great married life, kids and good job.”

“I would have got all of this anyway!”

“So you think!” she said. 

“Thank you for ruling over my life, mum!” I almost yelled as I picked up the letter from the table. I gave her one last look before leaving the living room. She looked me in the eye, no regrets. We both knew this was perhaps our last conversation with each other. I went up to my room, the room where i had spent my entire childhood and part of adulthood too, looked around one final time and then packed my bags. I kept the letter in my hand bag and made my way out of the house. I knew mum could see me from where she was sitting in her rocking chair in the living room. I did not look back. She did not call for me either. 

I walked a bit away from my home, dragging my bag. I then stopped and booked a cab that came in less than a minute. Mani and kids were supposed to join me over the weekend at mum’s place and then we were to go back home together in our car. It was a one-hour journey that went by very quietly. 

As I sat in the cab, I went back to my past , 20 years ago. 20 years was a long time. I was barely 17 or 18 then. Fresh out of school. Full of vigour. Teena, my best friend, and I shared the same dreams and the same goal. We knew what we wanted to become in life when we grew up. In fact she was my source of inspiration.

“Are you sure you can do it?” I clearly remember her asking me when we were in Year 8. 

I was offended. 

“What do you mean by saying if I can do it?” I said angrily. 

She laughed, the ice cream was melting so she continued eating it without stopping.

“Well, I just asked! There is nothing to get so red about!” she answered, finishing her ice cream. 

“Yes, I can do it and I will do it!” I said, sounding fully determined. 

“Great! Dad is enrolling me in a summer camp next month. Would you like to join too?” Teena asked.

“I don’t think my folks would mind,'' I said. Would it be ok if your dad called up mine and explained to him about the summer camp?” I asked.

“It makes sense, yes! I will ask him to call your dad then.”

And he sure did. Dad looked at me with a surprise when he found out about the summer camp that I wanted to enrol in.

“Go for it!” he said and patted my back. I remember that was the last year too when he was at home. He and mum had separated then. He continued to meet me but it became lesser every year as he moved to another continent. 

I tried recalling what was mum’s reaction then. Was she happy with the decision? Was she miffed? I could not remember. I tried hard but I couldn’t.

The summer camp that year and the following two years were the best ever moments in my life. I was glad that I had met Teena. She came as a blessing in my life. Giving me a life goal. I could see the spark in her eyes.  It was as if she had passed on some of that spark to me as well.

I still remember that day when I reached home all excitedly.

“Teena made it, mum! Have I received the letter too?” I asked in all enthusiasm.

“Yes, but no, you did not make it, I’m afraid,” she said. I don't remember mum’s tone now. Was it bland? Was it apologetic? Did she come over and hug me? 

“Oh!” I said. I could not believe it. I had no words. I had just met Teena and she was jumping with joy with tears flowing out of both our eyes.

It had never occurred to me that there is always a chance of being rejected. I just looked at the letter lying on the table. I went to my room. The letter was still there. I had broken the news to Teena, who couldn’t believe it either.

That was the last summer we spent time together. She joined the army. I took up Business Studies in college. We did not keep in touch thereafter. It was too bitter for me. I regretted not getting into the army. I never touched the letter….until now. 

 Mum knew I would believe her. She played with my emotions then. Tears finally rolled down my eyes as I opened the letter congratulating me for making it to the army. I smiled. I had not failed after all.