UDAKU

UDAKU

OFU

You took off your clothes slowly, then looked up at the large wall mirror in front of you. It was an act to marvel at your young body, but as usual it ended badly. You felt the arms that you would have preferred better if they were thin. Then your eyes swept a glance over the scars you created beautifully with your razor blade. Mum didn't know, the long sleeved dresses you wore hid your marks from her prying eyes and sharp mouth. You felt your chest, too flat in your opinion for a big girl. The worst parts of your body were those marks, that somehow found you as a child. They were like tiny, ugly roads lighter than your ebony complexion. They betrayed you, and put in you the fear of the beach. Especially when people were looking. You hid from their gaze because of your stretch marks and the marks your grandfather inscribed on your cheeks. Pa Osakene must have had too many gourds of palmwine, for him to have destroyed your face. You would have been beautiful, but for those lines that stretched far too close to your jaw. You looked away from the mirror and then you blamed Dad. If only he had stood his ground. It was too late anyway, and you could hear Mum call you to hurry up.

ABUO

You squeezed your body into a yellow dress, angry at the tight fit and the swell of your abdomen. Mum said your stomach resembled those old Mechelin tyres, and sadly she was right. There had to be something you could do; those diets were driving you crazy and the waist trainer was too tight. Beauty was sacrifice, and you hissed as you took down the zipper of your gown. The waist trainer was a size smaller, but it would do. Your Sunday, however would be devoid of any dancing. Your favourite part of the church service."It was worth the price," you said to yourself as you wore the waist trainer and then the gown. The walk to Dad's car was torture, and you shrugged when he asked if you could breathe. You sat in the car and managed to get two cute selfies on your phone. You would post them on Facebook and then on your WhatsApp status. Maybe Emeka would like them. Maybe not, your stomach resembled a sack of garri and your face was too close to ugly.

ATO

You catwalked into the church building. Amaka gave you the evil-eye, but you let it slide. Too many people were sick with jealousy. Your eyes caught Emeka's but you weren't sure if he was looking at you. So you faked a prayer, hoping to catch him when you opened your eyes. Alas!!!The young man was fixated with his phone. You slid yours out, and went to Facebook. Your friends from secondary school had changed too much. Fejiro had become Fej and Nkiruka had become a sweet chocolate babe. The glow up was instant and you didn't want to be left behind. Your beautiful name, Nmabese has become "Nma Berry" on Facebook and you decided to post a beautiful shot this time. You picked the selfie in which your lips looked smaller and your neck looked thinner. The highlighter was blinding, so you did some editing to make it better. Your nose contouring was perfect, so your nose looked pointed. Your concealer had done a good job of covering your tribal marks. You smiled, it was perfect enough. You posted the picture and took a deep breath. Now it was time to wait for the likes and comments.

ANO

They came and waters of joy flowed in your stomach. It was short lived though, because after two hundred and fifty six likes there was a terrible comment. It said that you were fake, using concealer on your collar bone and chest to cover up your dirty stretch marks. It had to be Amaka or one of her stupid friends. She didn't even have the courage to use her own Facebook account. You hissed and hit the troll with an equally nasty comment asking him or her to get a life. Then the prayers begun and you closed your eyes. You prayed for your stretch marks to disappear. You prayed that you would find favour in Emeka's eyes. You prayed for thunder to fire your enemies, especially Amaka. Then the prayers finished and you dabbed at your eyes with a handkerchief. The tears had come when you didn't expect them. Hopefully you had dabbed carefully enough not to mess up your eyeliner. You took one glance at your phone camera and smiled. Ok. All good. You caught Mum's eye and she gave you the warning glance. No phone usage in church. She had told you too many times, but your ears always failed to carry out their function. You knew that if you weren't careful, she would walk to your seat to disgrace you. In front of Amaka and her friends, mba. You put your phone inside your bag and pretended to listen. The pastor's words were flying into one ear and coming out through another, but it was fine. 

ISE

You waited throughout the service and sighed in relief when it was time to leave. You were happy, at least the waist trainer would go off and you would wipe the makeup off your face. The only problem was Mum. What if her snotty friends came visiting? They would assault your figure with their mouths. Talk about how large you were for a small girl. Ask you if those were really stretch marks on your young body. Say things that made you want to run into your room and hide. Mum would say nothing, maintaining her plastic smile. You felt your anger pent up against her and it made you feel nauseous. You would run to the sink, then stick your fingers down your throat. The food would come out and you would feel your throat burn. Yet it felt good in some way. At least you weren't going to get fat. Your body would be closer to beautiful.

ISII

As if to fulfil your thoughts, Aunty Rose came visiting. She wasn't your biological aunty, just one of those annoying friends your mother loved to keep. She asked that you served her a cup of tea, and Dad escaped on the grounds that he had to go upstairs to watch TV. You served her, then left to your room. You gave them privacy but the volume of their voices wouldn't let you sleep. To say the truth, their gossip was extremely juicy this time. You closed your eyes as the gist entered your ears and stayed in. Some neighbour of Aunty Rose had left his wife for his house help. You could imagine Mum snapping her fingers over her head, rejecting any help that would come to snatch her husband. Then you heard the snap of her fingers and then you laughed. It was funny that your Mum could be insecure about these things, regardless of how beautiful she was. Her slender frame matched her pretty face and she could successfully clip ten years off her age. Yet, fear wouldn't let her get a house help. Odiegwu!!!

ASAA

You strained your ears to listen because you loved the information you were getting. Until it came to your turn and you heard Aunty Rose dissect the matter of your tribal marks. She blamed your Mum for everything, allowing an old illiterate man to put scarification marks on her child's face. She said they were long, giving your small face an odd shaped look. You jumped off your bed to look at the small mirror in front of you. What did an odd-shaped face look like? You ran your hands over your face this time and it felt unnatural. Your foundation stained your hands but you didn't wipe them. You felt ugly and fat. A quick walk upstairs was what you needed to feel better, so you went there. Surprised wasn't what you were when you saw you Dad drinking straight from the bottle of whisky. He usually took shots in a small glass, but it seemed that this time his problems were unusual. You looked at his head, large and balding. Tired of the stress of life and Mum. You pitied him and sat there in silence. There was no use trying to wrestle the bottle from his grip. It could result in violence and violence was never good.

ASATO

You went back to your room, devoid of the comfort you went to seek from Dad. Then started thinking about everything. A Facebook notification came up on your phone and you saw other comments from Amaka's friends. They trolled your hyper pigmentation and your tribal marks. They talked about your stretch marks and body fat. You took all that in and remembered how many times you had failed JAMB. You took the razor blade close to your bedside and watched it perform it's magic. There was blood on your sheets, but you felt fine. Mum called you, Aunty Rose had left. She brought udaku for you to help with the stretch marks. You opened the container and smelt it. The sharp smell gave you the hope that it might help.

GLOSSARY

1.Ofu: one

2.Abuo: two

3.Ato: three

4.Ano: four

5.Ise: five

6.Isii: six

7.Asaa: seven

8.Asato: eight

9.Odiegwu: an Ibo word used to mean "wonderful" in a sarcastic manner

10.Udaku: palm kernel oil processed locally in Nigeria and used for skincare.