Bubbie's Mandelbrot

The wind whistled outside the window pane.  Snow blew fiercely through bare trees that lined each side of the empty drive.  Natalie stared out at the emptiness.  The holidays wouldn’t look the same way as they used to.  This would be the first year without Bubbie.  Natalie walked to the phone and rang her mother.

“Mama.” she whispered into the phone, closing her eyes. 

“Yes, Natalie, are you ok?”  Mama said into the phone.

“Yes, I just...I miss Bubbie.” Natalie wiped a tear from her eyes.

“Oh, me too, Natalie, me too.”  Mama paused.

“Do you have Bubbie’s recipe for Mandelbrot?” Natalie waited. 

“No I don’t, Natalie.  Bubbie never wrote her recipes down, but Natalie...you used to make it with her.  I’m sure you could figure it out.”  

“Mama, I miss you.”  Natalie wiped another tear.

“I miss you too, Natalie, but it’s just not safe to get together this year.  We love you, Papa and I.  Give Micah a kiss from me.”  Mama hung up the phone.

Natalie grabbed a notebook and sat at the table.  She wrote down the ingredients she remembered.  

Bubbie and Zadie had moved to America from Germany before the onset of World War 2.  They had moved with hopes of owning a bakery here, but once they arrived, they realized that America wasn’t as accepting as it had originally appeared to be.  Zadie had to start out working in a factory, until he was finally able to make Bubbie’s dreams of being a baker come true.  They made traditional Jewish breads, but Bubbie was a savvy business woman and she knew she needed to appeal to the typical American in order to be successful.  She was progressive.  Around the holidays she embraced the traditions of others.  She created baked goods for each and every person so that they would feel welcome when they came into her warm bake shop.  As a girl, Natalie often helped at the bakery.  She never tired of mixing together ingredients and learning new techniques.  As time went on, Bubbie developed a rich and diverse group of patrons who would come to her shop for coffee and treats and share pieces of their lives.    

When Natalie met her husband, William, it was Bubbie who supported her choice to marry someone outside of her culture and religion.  It was Bubbie who had spoken to Mama and Papa about acceptance and about love.  It was she who convinced Zadie that Natalie’s choices were her own.  Bubbie had even designed and decorated Natalie’s wedding cake.  

As Natalie gathered the ingredients she would need to make the Mandelbrot she wondered if she would be able to get the measurements right.  She thought about the temperature of the oven and about the need to not overmix the ingredients.  As Natalie opened the cabinet to gather the chocolate chips, she realized she didn’t have any.  Frowning, she sifted through the pantry for a suitable replacement.  A chocolate bar was hidden behind the flour.  She pulled the chocolate bar out and placed it on the counter.  She grabbed her cutting board and began chopping it into small pieces.  This recipe was already going the wrong way.  The ingredients were already wrong.  Regardless, Natalie pushed on.  

“Mom, can I help?”  Micah stood in the kitchen, his little hands folded in front of him. 

“Are you done with your learning already?”  Natalie asked, leaning down to kiss his head. 

“Yes I’m all finished.”  He smiled. 

“Can you get the measuring cups for me?”  Natalie asked him.

“Yes I can.” He bounced excitedly and ran to the drawer.  He pulled out the cups and ran 

back to the counter.  “What now?” 

“Ok, can you grab a mixing bowl?”  Natalie smiled at her son.  

Micah ran to the cupboard and pulled out a large bowl.

“Will this one work?”  His eyes lit up as he asked. 

“Yes that one will be fine.  Can you grab the mixer too?” Natalie finished chopping the chocolate and placed it over to the side.  

“How do we start?”  Micah asked, leaning forward to peek into the bowl.  

 “First we need to mix the oil and the sugar.”  Natalie said, placing those ingredients in front of Micah.  

“How much of each?” Micah stared at Natalie, waiting for clarification.

“You know what...let’s do this differently.  How about you pour and I tell you when to stop.” Natalie smiled at her son.  

This was the way that Bubbie had taught Natalie to bake.  She would let her pour and she would count in seconds.  There were never measurements.  

“Ok.” Micah grabbed the oil.  “Are you ready?”  

“Yes I’m ready.” Natalie responded.  “Go ahead and start.”

Micah slowly poured the oil into the bowl. 

“1...2...3...stop.”  Natalie instructed.  

Micah stopped pouring and placed the oil to the side.  He grabbed the sugar and began pouring it in.  This time, Natalie counted to 4.  They continued on adding in the ingredients while Natalie used the mixer to create the sticky dough.  

“Ok the last step is to add the chocolate.”  Natalie slid the chocolate over to Micah.

“How much?” He asked. 

“How about...all of it.” Natalie watched as Micah excitedly dumped the chocolate into the bowl.  

“What now?” Micah questioned. 

“Now it needs to rest in the refrigerator so it can harden a little.”  Natalie covered the bowl in plastic and put it into the refrigerator.  

“What do we do while we wait?” Micah stood, his hands on his hips, covered in flour.  Natalie could see Bubbie in his eyes.  

“I have an idea.  Why don’t we make Mama and Papa Hanukkah cards.”  Natalie said.  “First though, let’s wash up.”  

While Micah drew pictures for the cards, Natalie made coffee.  She watched the driveway.  The drifting snow.  William would be home from work soon.  She loved her little family.  As well as her traditional Hanukkah pieces, a Christmas tree stood in the corner of the dining room.  Wrapped presents sat underneath.  She thought about Bubbie’s acceptance of others and realized that she too possessed the ability to embrace differences.

She walked over to Micah and saw what he had drawn.  On the front of the card he had drawn a Menorah and standing next to it was Santa Claus.  A tear fell down her cheek.  This tear was different.  It wasn’t sad or empty.  It was a tear of gratitude for Bubbie.  In that moment, Natalie realized that it didn’t matter if the Mandelbrot came out the same as Bubbies.  The most important piece of her grandmother was already inside of her.  It hadn’t needed to be written down on paper.  

“Hey, Micah, do you want to make daddy some Christmas cookies?”  She smiled at her sweet boy.  

“Yes!” he popped up out of his chair.  “Can we make reindeer?”

Bubbie wasn’t absent this holiday.  She lived inside of each of them.