It didn't have to end this way.

**This is not a story of redemption but of revenge. The main character is unreliable - you need to read the story to understand what I mean. Some passages imply sexual violence but it is never said outright.**

I hate anybody who gets hung on their traumas, they’re weak, they are pathetic. They are the vermin that need to be exterminated. And it’s always the same people, have you noticed? And they can’t help but drag it on, from generation to generation. To make matters worse, these people are the ones multiplying like rabbits. Maybe my kind is built off stronger material; no matter what, we thrive. Despite my harsh opinions, I am a good man; I am a good boss and a good family man. My only fault is that I have a past – but that’s the past. Only the vermin dwell on their past. I never worried about my wife’s past; she doesn’t have one. When I met my wife, she was all an array of sunshine, no, she was the whole sun. And now, even after six years of relationship and two kids, she still is. I struck gold with her, and by all accounts, she made a good bargain by marrying me. I’m the ideal husband I have the money, the looks and I dote on her. To that, I can add something she didn’t have, a surname that opens doors. To sum it up, I have the ideal life. Well as ideal as it can be. The kids are sometimes troublesome, but I rarely concern myself with them. There is a reason why I pay exorbitant school fees and a nanny. That nanny even travels with us when we go on trips. This nanny is fantastic, unlike the one we had before. The former one was a gorgeous young woman, too gorgeous, and, due to an incident that was as much her fault as mine, we had to terminate her contract. I never gave any excuses to my wife because we both understand that sometimes a man makes mistakes. She never complained; this is to show how understanding she is. However, I must admit, if she knew every detail, she might have been less understanding.

This brings me to the problem that I am facing right now, the nightmare that threatens to destroy my life. The girl. She is now a woman, I guess. It happened during my lunch break, I was crossing the street when I suddenly felt the burning stare of someone on me, I looked up and saw a woman. She was on the sidewalk facing the street, her arms parallel to her body and each of her hands was in the form of a fist. She had those “crazy eyes”, as people say. She looked ugly; her face was puffy, her skin was discolored, her hair unkept and dirty. It was a disgusting sight to behold, and yet I recognized her immediately. Ghost of the past some may say. I stopped in my tracks and almost got hit by a car. Something took over me and I ran, I kept running until my legs gave out. I was dripping in sweat, and I couldn’t breathe; I had to remove my tie and realized that I would need to change my shirt. This was beyond inconvenient. I had an appointment in less than a quarter of an hour and was in no mood to move it. My erratic breathing was drawing unwanted attention to me, so I took refuge inside an alley unusually dark considering the time. I must have looked like a lunatic, walking around with my hands grabbing the sides of my head, I was in complete disarray. I heard footsteps and for a second, I froze thinking it was her. It was a bum. This awoke me from the pathetic state I was in, and I started thinking. I am a rational man, and because I am a rational man, I knew I didn’t imagine her. Why would I? I haven’t given her a single thought in years, I have buried this story. It was easy to bury since I believed her to be dead. Plus, most of the evidence the police succeeded in putting their dirty little paws on pointed out toward some peasant I was hanging out with at the time. The circumstantial evidence that connected me with the case has been blurred by my parent’s lawyers and the connections they have within the community.

This all happened because I was going through hard times; I was suspended from Uni and my parents were threatening to cut me off. The girl in question was fifteen and I think she might have been the daughter of one of the maids or she was the cook’s helper. Forgive me, this is the type of detail I do not keep up with. Anyhow, I often saw her on her own, around the garden. She was easy to approach and talk to. I convinced her to befriend me. She was so pretty and shiny like a brand-new toy, and I was so positively depressed. The only friend I could count on during those months was some local boy, the type of person often referred to as “white trash”, but I didn’t care. He was the only person I could stand to be around since every college friend I had turned desperately boring after the incident that got us suspended – which only added to my anguish. Anyhow, that is not important. I introduced the girl to drinking, I would sneak her into the guesthouse, making sure no one saw us. We would get smashed and make out. She was so impressionable it was almost endearing. I believe she fell in love with me, she idolized me, frankly, it was amusing until it wasn’t. Given that considerably younger than me and that I was, and still am not a monster, I was gentle with her. One night, however, I lost my control; I am not a saint. There is no other way to say it, but I took advantage of her. I didn’t violate her – I mean, it wasn’t rape but it was bad enough that she ran out of the room, crying in total desperation. I can’t explain why, but I felt a thrill. As I mentioned before, I was going through harsh times. It took me weeks before getting back her trust again. Her naivety was my primary weapon. The day I got her back, I asked my friend to join us. Believe me, I didn’t plan anything worse than what I did previously. I only wanted to scare her off, I don’t know why, must have been the boredom. Truly, I grew some fondness towards her, and I had no intention of inflicting more pain than necessary – it was all fun and games to me. My friend, however, perhaps misunderstanding my motives, took it upon himself to show unrestrained violence. People like him always behave like animals; I should have known better. I must admit that at some level, I was entertained. But then, he went too far, the humiliations and beatings were not enough it seems. But I had enough, so I pressured him to stop. The girl now in a corner was sobbing uncontrollably and my friend, I believed, had calmed down. I therefore proceeded to fetch us some food from the kitchen, but after a few minutes, I ran back to it because I heard screams. Thankfully we were in the guesthouse; nobody heard but me. I entered the room when she bit his face, at that moment he knocked her head against the floor I grabbed him by the neck. She was out. We both stared at each other. Her clothes were torn, she had bruises, and she was bleeding from more than one place. I remember panicking because it was getting late and there was a worker – my parent’s property is large – who always made a surveillance round at night and that included the guesthouse. Like I said, I panicked, I thought that if she weren’t dead yet, she would eventually, and my life would be ruined. We had to finish her, so we did, I mean he did. With a knife. The next thing I remember is that we got her out of my car and dropped her in a forest 200 miles away from my home. I was in a dreadful state of mind, I needed to rest my mind and soul, but the room where things happened had to be cleaned and the car as well. The boy cleaned the room while I took care of the car, everything was finished before dawn. My friend, the boy, had to disappear, it was best that way. I will not go into details, but nobody has heard of him since. When the girl was declared missing, he was the one blamed, primarily. I can not distinctly recall every detail of what happened next, but since some suspicions were laid upon me, I never came back to town after resuming Uni.

Anyhow, after my episode in the alley, I decided to wait. If she survived and hadn’t told anyone, maybe this wasn’t a problem. Maybe I could settle it. Maybe she wanted money. I was delusional, she wanted revenge in the purest kind. I can’t believe that she survived only to destroy my life. In a way we spared her life, unknowingly but still, she should be grateful instead of dwelling on the past. It was just one night, and many years ago, one would think she would have moved on. What she did to me proves she is far worse than me! The day after I saw her, I received an envelope, and it contained my ruin. It was accompanied by a note explaining how the same envelope would soon reach my family, including my parents, as well as my place of work – it did not stipulate when exactly. How she compiled all that evidence, I do not know. I waited, the next day after this, my wife was still blissfully unaware, and I didn’t tell her anything. She is sensitive enough to take this more seriously than it should have. Because this was bound to be mediatized, and my place of work has a reputation to protect, I would be fired. All this left me in a state of confusion. I continued waiting for my fall down to unfold without doing anything, but one day after work, I started walking and walking through the city until it became dark, and somehow, I found myself in the same alley I was days prior. I stayed there and decided I should reach my family lawyer. When he picked up the phone, and before the first word came out of my mouth, I felt a violent pull and then I saw dark. I woke up suddenly, I was being injected with something, a drug, they wanted me to wake up for what was about to come. I promptly received a punch, and then another, and it just went on. I knew she was there, but someone else was attacking me, it was a man. I couldn’t see his face. After the punches, came another kind of assault. It was hell. We were in some garage or bunker, I’m not certain. I was in such pain and thirst, but it wasn’t over. They drugged me again, this time it induced sleep. I woke up in the middle of the woods. There they stabbed me multiple times, but none of the stabs killed me. They threw a water bottle and left. I crawled to it. Here I am now, I do not believe any miracle will save me. I’m not sure I want to be saved, the life that awaits me is no longer ideal. It’s over for me.