Murder Count

Murder Count by Suzanne Elder

All rise for the honorable Judge Judith.

Sometimes I think these people forget just who they are. Everyone stood except me. It looked like I had no respect for these proceedings and that just about sums it up. I sit with my legs extended feet crossed at the ankles, hands behind my head looking as if I wished I was in front of the tele.

Judith entered the courtroom and the look she gave me had contempt written all over her face suggesting I wasn’t taking this seriously. I can give as good as I get however and Judith got contempt right back at her in spades. We go way back, almost to birth in fact, so we both know exactly how the other is feeling. This is Judith’s and my big moment; one we’ve talked about and practised for over many years and neither of us is prepared to give an inch.

The bailiff, Sam, addresses those present and thoroughly and exhaustively outlines the order of procedures and Judge Judith’s and his expectations. The trial isn’t expected to last longer than one day and nearly everyone present expects it to be an open and shut case.

I am representing the defendant Fred. My friend Josh is representing the Crown. We live in a town where everybody knows everyone and everybody knows everyone’s business or thinks they do. 

My Aunt Matilda is in the front row, I knew she would be present for my first court case. I come from a long line of solicitors or barristers, depending on where you live. She will be reporting to my mother and father who can’t be present. Dad had his own court case today and Mum is operating, a transplant of some sort. Neither could change their plans despite, I’m sure, wishing to be eye witnesses as I attempt to win my first case.

Fred has been made extremely comfortable, it’s almost like he is being given his last wishes. He doesn’t look at all nervous despite a murder count of 12 hanging over his head. He has water and he can sit comfortably or stretch out his legs if he so chooses. I am not in the least bit nervous even though this is a major first for our town.

The prosecution calls their first witness. Whitney gathers herself together and makes her way to the front of the room. She is armed with numerous tissues and she is crying before she settles her ample bulk into the almost too small chair. 

Josh suggests Whitney take a moment to compose herself. I know, and nearly everyone present knows that Whitney is never composed. Her nickname is Drama Queen and for very good reason nothing is trivial and everything is handled at gale force 9. That girl could uproot trees on any given day. Today is no different. Whitney hauls her not inconsiderate bulk upright and bawls out loud for five solid minutes. At the end of the five minutes everyone is on high alert, tissues have been replenished and Whitney is one red faced blotchy individual. Not flattering at all.

Josh starts questioning Whitney about what she experienced on the day in question, which sets off another round of sobbing.  Once order has more or less been restored, Whitney starts to outline the day’s events. She tells in graphic detail how Fred rushed the twelve and proceeded to kill at will. Whitney is not the only person present on the day who will testify but Whitney takes the cake for the most elaborate and the most spine-chilling description I’ve heard to date. I can tell she has spent some time preparing in front of her bedroom mirror as the flicks her head from side to side and sends her hair skimming over her face and shoulders. Along with the fact that Whitney has always been a poser and has taken many hours to determine how she can best represent herself to the world, she can sure spin a good yarn.

Whitney dramatizes the events of the killing at break neck speed almost as though she is worried, she will forget what she has taken hours to commit to memory. To give her due credit, there are very few dry eyes among the females present when Whitney has completed her testimony. The Judge looks my way and I advise that I have no questions for the witness. As Whitney leaves the dock, she smiles at me suggesting she has done such a wonderful job that Fred and I will have no option but to plead guilty. Of course, this is done facing away from the jurors who are oblivious to how devious our Whitney is right at this moment.

Petra is next, it is no coincidence that all the witnesses are female. Any male testifying could not possibly play on the heartstrings of the jury like a weeping, hysterical or, strangely composed, female. It is also no coincidence that two thirds of the jury are female and some of those ladies are very conniving. I don’t see the males having any chance of disagreeing if the ladies decide Fred is guilty.

I have some faith in the jury as the selection process was rigorous but I’m no fool, these witnesses are having an impact and I will need to pull something special from the hat that can reverse their opinion before they go into deliberations.

Petra does a great job, where Whitney was hysterical Petra is calm and reasoned and she has no trouble leaving a lasting impression on the jurors. Ay, ay, ay, I have my work cut out for me. Petra gives me a shy smile. Petra and I go way back, she used to be my girlfriend so I know exactly what she is capable of and I have no doubt that Josh has used Petra as his star witness to extract punishment. Petra has refused all of Josh’s attempts to date her. A sensible girl our Petra. Our split was mutual but I have heard that Petra would not be averse to us getting together again. I have similar feelings but I chose not to make a move with the trial looming. I didn’t want to put her in a worse position with Josh who has all but attacked Petra. I can’t understand why as she is his witness. To her credit she has remained professional throughout. I know how she feels about Fred but fully expect her to be reasonable and honest to the point of ridiculousness.

Once again, I advise Judge Judith that I have no reason to cross examine the witness. Petra is free to leave the witness stand. She trips as she steps down and Josh is the first one there to make sure is alright, this must be his apology for his brash rude treatment. I thought he was a bit 'handsy' but Petra didn’t seem to notice. I will, however, ensure he knows how I saw it later tonight when we get together for a beer.

Josh calls his last witness. This one is a surprise to me. He calls the caretaker at the grounds

Mr Brendan Logan. Brendan is in is 60’s he is slowing down these days and he takes a while to get to the witness stand. He is sworn in, like the others and he takes his seat. Brendan takes a moment to look around, nod to those he knows and even asks Judge Judith how her poodle Jessica is. Judith, highlights the severity of the occasion, but still takes a moment to tell Brendan that Jessica is doing very well.

I tell you, these small-town courts are the absolute best. I note however that Aunt Matilda has had enough and is near to blowing her top. She catches my eye and I tilt my head purse my lips and suggest is she really going to comment on this. She thinks better of it, grins slightly and relaxes although I can see the toll this day is taking on her. I sympathize as she was coerced into being present by my parents who are no doubt extremely grateful, they could cry other commitments to avoid this. 

Brendan takes the long way around in every aspect of his story telling. To the extent, that once you finally get around to the point you’ve either lost interest or forgotten what the story was about. To be fair, he is extremely intelligent and is a mine of information much of it useless but there are some gems in amongst his story telling. We all have a lot of time for Brendan and I think the feeling is reciprocated.

Brendan answers his questions with gravity and much muddying. It is all I can do to keep a straight face as Brendan wasn’t present at the time of the crime but he was asked to assist in the clean-up. He does manage to comment that this is the worst crime it has been his misfortune to come into contact with. He doubts he will ever see anything worse in his remaining years as caretaker and ‘Heaven help him’ if he does. This clinches it for all the religious zealots who are nodding and sympathizing in unison. Brendan doesn’t break down in tears but he might as well have. This was a touch of genius for Josh to end with Brendan as he epitomizes the honest, hard worker our town is synonymous with. Definitely a stroke of genius Josh. I can see him being a formidable component in the years to come.

I advise Judge Judith that I have no questions for this witness either. Brendan is given the all clear to step down from the witness box. Judith advises all witnesses that the oath they have taken binds them for the extent of the trial and while they are free to take a lunch break, they cannot discuss any of the Court proceedings thus far.

Everyone files out and down the road to the best café in town, Doug’s Diner, for something to eat. I have no appetite as I know I am about to turn everything on its ear after lunch when it is my turn to present my case. Merv, the local vet is having his lunch so I take the opportunity to sit with someone who wasn’t at the morning session. Merv and I also go way back, so there is plenty to talk about not the least being who will win the Super Bowl. I’m picking the 49érs while Merv is backing Kansas City all the way. We have a friendly rivalry and would support opposing teams whatever the case but this is looking to be a cliff hanger and it is a hard call to pick a winner. I am disappointed for the Patriots but, hey, next year’s coming.

Lunch is over and we all file back. Merv tags along. I’m excited about what will transpire at this afternoon’s session.

The bailiff calls the afternoon session to order. Judge Judith re-enters the Court room with a spring in her step, maybe she is anticipating a more exhilarating afternoon or maybe she is just looking forward to getting her feet under the desk to get those ridiculously high heels off. Women and the choice they make under the guise of vanity. Judith has never been one for heels but she is out to make a serious impression today.

Judge Judith asks whether I am ready to present my case. I advise in the affirmative and note that Fred will not be testifying in his defence. That gets a smatter or two of stifled laughter. They will be laughing on the other side of their face shortly. What does that saying even mean!

I call Merv, to the stand.  Mervyn Dexter, Veterinary, is sworn in by the bailiff. I highlight the severity of the twelve deaths, I note that the opposition has presented what appears to be an open and shut case. My opening words are sounding like my closing argument and, to a certain extent, they are one and the same. It will not take long for me to stomp all over the opposition’s case, to discredit his witnesses and to exonerate Fred because I have an ace up my sleeve and one, they won’t see coming. In fact, only Merv and I know what’s ahead.

Merv, I ask, can you tell me your whereabouts on the day in question. Merv confirms that he was at his veterinary practice all day with several minor operations scheduled. I pause, for effect, then I ask Merv to list the order of operations, the patients name and the ailment. Merv begins, there is a hush of expectation over the gallery. They are sensing something is up and all is not as it first appeared. I am getting a little rush of excitement but I caution myself not to hurry, to take my time and enjoy the moment. This could be the first thrill of winning that I will experience. The accused is charged with twelve counts of murder I not only know he is innocent; I am about to prove he could not have committed the crime. Merv laboriously lists each operation on this schedule that afternoon. As he is about to list his last patient, I ask him to pause, is your last patient present in this courtroom I ask. Merv confirms this is the case and points out the defendant. Can you advise how long the defendant Fred was with you on the 3^rd of January and how long he was unconscious.

Merv explains that Fred had been incarcerated in his surgery for the entire day on the 3^rd of January. He advised that Fred’s owner, me, had been travelling that day and I had requested Fred be held in the kennels until his surgery appointment. Merv noted that Fred was, as per usual, very docile and well behaved, and had not caused any trouble. He was brought into the surgery and anesthetized to have a thorn removed that had gotten into the skin under his right paw. It was a nasty infection that required lancing Fred was kept overnight so that he could not wander and get any dirt in the paw. I collected Fred the following evening on my return.

To rub salt in the already raw wound, excuse the pun, Merv highlighted the fact that Fred had been limping for several days before we had sorted out the problem and he would have been incapable of lunching himself into a circle of ducks and committing murder.

There was deadly quiet as Merv finished speaking and then all hell broke loose. “Well it sure looked like Fred who had killed all those ducks”. “Is there another Alsatian that looks exactly like Fred in town” and “who owns that dog” were comments that I heard.

Once Judge Judith regained control of the court I calmly noted ‘Ladies and gentleman of the jury I rest my case, the defendant, Fred, who was calming licking his balls, is innocent of the crime he stands accused. See you all in the bar!

As Judge Judith, professional to the very end, dismissed the case, I did wonder, what my friends thought they might do to Fred if this kangaroo court had found Fred guilty. I didn’t dwell on this because I know Fred isn’t capable of brutality and a youth court held in the community center was all this was. Oh, roll on developing a few more mysteries to debate over winter when there’s not much else to do in Thornton, CO in freezing temperatures.