Trust & Advantage

PART ONE:

“I’m sorry Henry, I can’t do this again.”

“I thought this was what you wanted.”

“It is. Or, at least, it was. Things between us were easier when you were over there and I was here. Now things are just complicated.”

“Oh, I see. You don’t want anything real; you want some half-ass, long-distance relationship, where sexting is our only form of intimacy!” 

“No! That’s not true! I want it all. I want it all with you!”

“Bullshit!”

“Please just listen to me! Because of my autism, my brain has a hard time processing things. Words. Numbers. Emotions. I can’t do my own taxes. I can’t finish a book because I have to re-read every paragraph over and over again. I can’t sense what people want from me. I can’t tell if someone wants to be my friend or just wants to take advantage of me. And that’s my worst fear! Being taken advantage of. I don’t ever want to be Bernie Madoff-ed. My ex knew this. He knew that I could easily be taken advantage of because of my disability and promised me that he would never do that to me. And that he would always take care of me. Until the day he walked out on me. He made me believe that our relationship was okay. That it was perfect. He never talked to me about the doubts he was having about us. Or how he wasn’t sure that he wanted the same things that I did. Instead of being open and honest with me about his concerns, he decided it was better to pack up all of this shit while I was at work, planning our next date night, and breaks up with me when I got home. He told me that I was the love of his life. We talked about getting married, having kids, and moving away. We had this whole future planned, and now it’s gone. He may not have taken my life savings, but he made my greatest fear come true. I’m not saying that I think that you, specifically, will hurt me like that. But, it’s hard to trust anyone with my heart and… I can’t go through this nonsense again.” 

“So what? You're just not ever going to trust anyone ever again? Never fall in love again? You’re just going to live in fear of being heartbroken again. You don’t think you can have that same future with someone else. Or with me?”

“That’s the problem! Despite what I have been through, I brought you back into my life. Into my heart. I gave you a second chance, regardless of our history. And I do want it all. With you. I want it all with you. You have to understand that I am scared as hell. If we do this, and if we can’t work things out between us. I just - I can't mourn another lost future. I just can’t.”

“Daisy. Give me your hands. Look right into my eyes. Listen to me very carefully. Give me your full attention so you can understand me. I. Will. Never. Never! Put you through what that stupid son of a bitch has put you through. What he did to you was complete bullshit. A real man, who loves and cares for you, who doesn’t care about what flaws or issues you may have, would never break like that ever again. I can’t guarantee you that you won’t get hurt again. That’s just part of life and something you have to accept and deal with. Especially if you want to date someone else. What I can guarantee is that I will never hurt you or take advantage of you. You did give me a second chance. So there is no way in hell I’m screwing that up. I’m not screwing this up again. You can count on that.” 

“Damn it you’re not listening to me! My ex has told me the exact same. That he would never hurt me like other people have in the past. That he would always love me. For three years I believed that. We were madly in love with each other and he just threw it away. He threw everything we had away and left me with all the memories. I want to believe everything you just said, run into your arms, and jump your fucking bones! Nevertheless, all you have given me is words. A person’s word should be enough to relieve our worries. But it doesn’t mean shit. You wanna know what the worst part is? There’s no way for you to prove anything to me. All you can give me is your word. That’s not your fault though. There’s no way for you to prove any of this to me. There’s nothing you can do to show me that you meant everything you said. Actions do speak louder than words, yet there are no actions to be taken. I’m so fucking sorry Henry.”

“Daisy please-”

“I’m so sorry.” 

PART TWO:

“Henry! It’s me! Open the door!” 

“Daisy? What’s wrong?”

“My Mom is a crazy, manipulative, two-faced bitch. You know this.”

“Okay?”

“She’s a compulsive liar. She seriously lies for no reason. She lies because the damn sky is blue and I can never fully trust anything she tells me. On the other hand, I can trust her; and talk to her about anything. Any advice she gives me, I really do take it to heart. She may be my best friend. I don’t if that’s sad or not, but that’s a situation to deal with for another day. She can easily take advantage of me, I mean she has but has never done anything too serious. I mean, she can really Bernie Madoff-ed me. But she never has.” 

“Uh-huh.”

“Instead of taking advantage of my disability, she tries to help me live with it. Teaching me how to be an adult and live independently. To take care of myself and notice red flags when they come up. So I don’t ever have to worry about being taken advantage of. I just got off the phone with her. We were talking about you. I mean, it was more of me just listening and her doing the talking, but the point is: she told everything, Henry. She told me that you called her last night and that you told her that… that you care so deeply for me that you can’t imagine breaking my heart. That you don’t think I’m stupid. That you love my personality. You think that my quirks are cute and funny. That you want to help me through all the hardships I’ve been dealing with and the ones that I will deal with someday in the near foreseeable future. She told me that she likes you. That she respects the kind of man that you are. She truly believes that you're a good man. A good, kind-hearted man that I can trust. And she thinks that I should. Trust you that is. In case that wasn’t clear. You got her seal of approval. Trust me, that’s hard to get from a Mexican Mother. I can’t fucking believe it. You did the impossible and turned your words into actions. Oh my God, you actually proved that you could never…that you can never actually hurt me. That even if we go our separate ways again, that you’ll, that you won’t shatter my heart and soul, and leave me broken. Or make me any more broken than I already am. This is so fucking crazy! It’s like in that movie, ‘A Walk to Remember’, when Landon took Jaime to the Virginia state line, you remember right? Anyways, he took her to the state line and he had her put one foot in Virginia and the other one in North Carolina, so she could be in two places at once. It was on her bucket list. He helped her accomplish it. I don’t know how the fuck Jaime thought that she could ever be in two places at once, that’s insane, why the hell would she put the on her bucket list? What was she think-”

“Daisy.”

“Oh fuck, sorry I’m rambling, I know. Okay, I’ll get to my point. I’m not in love with you. But I could be, someday. I at least want to try. Try to have something real, more meaningful. Have a relationship that is intimate and goes beyond flirty and sexy text messages. To look at your face all the time. Hug you whenever I, or we, want to. I want to remember what your lips feel like on mine. Maybe feel your lips on other parts of my body, if you're cool with that of course. Henry, I messed up. I know. I said a lot of things to you that I can’t deny. But everything I sent you, all my words to you, are real. Pure, true, and real. If what we have is real over the phone, then maybe we could have something real-” 

“Daisy Gloria Mendoza.”

“Yeah?” 

“Will you please shut the fuck up, and let me kiss you?”

“Yeah.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay then.”  

“Okay”