Sins Atoned

My reflection wavered and blurred, the coalescence of colors becoming sloppy like abstract art, paint strewn across a canvas without thought. The tears coursed down my face cold and wet just as the blood from the cooling body behind me felt when I touched it. I never knew suffering until now. My life had been untainted by fear or sin, I had been content. Until that night when something happened, something I didn’t understand even four days later when I thought I was fine. I thought everything would get better. I remained in the room with the body, choosing to avoid its empty gaze, opting for my own in the mirror instead. I slowly turned to close the blinds, letting too much light into my dim room, taking a peek outside at the growing brightness that signaled the next morning. I wished for eternal darkness to hide the sin that lay behind me collecting dust and rot. 

Alas, that could not be as I stood by the curtains drawn, taking deep shaky breaths. I held up my phone, seeing no texts, no calls. No one worries for me yet. I would much rather sleep to achieve that complete darkness and hide everything from my blurred vision, but something would not let me rest. I could not rest. I allowed myself a moment's respite and closed my eyes. But quickly, they burst open to a knock on my door. I walked towards it, reaching for the doorknob. Before I could touch it, I heard footsteps retreating. Had I taken too long to answer? Who could be knocking at this early hour? Was it them? 

I backed away from the closed door in horror, my bare feet hitting something solid and cold. I jumped with a shriek and gave the thing on the floor a wide girth as I made my way to my bed. I sat with my head in my hands, rocking to and fro, the tears a never ending stream on my face, creating puddles on the floor. I still couldn’t bear to look at the thing on the floor. But something inside me told me I would find no peace until I did. I looked again into the mirror, seeing a pale oval face, wide blood-shot green eyes, stricken with grief. A mouth turned down in a frown, brown hair surrounding my head in a frizzy halo. I turned to what lay behind me, and kneeled before it. Folding my hands in a prayer. 

Suddenly, the door burst open. He entered. I shot back with fear, a scream escaping my gaping mouth. He held a large black plastic bag and a bone saw and looked up at my scream, confused and whirling his head around in confusion. I felt my anger grow until it reached its peak, how could he? It was all his fault. I saw that what lay before him was my own mousy brown hair, clotted with blood. 

My pale dead face, all gaping orifices and dead eyes. A large bleeding hole in my head, a gun lying in my hand. I may have pulled the trigger, but he forced it upon me. I looked again in the mirror seeing his reflection behind me, beginning his bloody work. 

This sin was not mine to atone for. I saw him chuckle to himself as he moved the gun away, stroking my bloody hair on the ground, “Oh silly girl. If you had just listened to me.”

If I had just listened, done as he asked, and given into the blackmail. Told everyone I loved who I used to be before giving myself over to God, or all of my money.

Of course not. He wanted me to give him all of my life savings, everything I had ever earned and more. With that of course came what I needed to give my sister for her cancer treatment. If I had not given into the blackmail and remained alive, she would have discovered that I used to sell myself for money, and would die from shock. In what world was that fair? I couldn’t do it. Transferring my savings to her and killing myself seemed a much more suitable option. 

Watching this man defile my corpse, experiencing this after-life torture however, was not something I had predicted. Once he began sawing into the bone, the sounds reverberated around the room. I turned around, facing the mirror and focusing solely on my eyes, until I felt those reverberations so deep within me I could sense every vibration in the building. My entire apartment complex was full of these little vibrations. A woman walking downstairs in heels, keys turning in a lock, a closing door. Every little movement made a vibration, and I found I could focus on it. 

Maybe I could force it externally, with some effort. I felt the world blur around me, the mirror shaking with force. I heard the man say, “What the fuck?” Before the glass exploded right through me and behind me. 

 I smiled viciously as I turned to see him lying on the ground, glass shards burrowed deep in his flesh, one directly in his neck, hopefully in an artery as well. He gurgled and choked on blood. I made those vibrations flow through me, now a little easier. He looked up at me, his eyes wide with fear and shock. 

“This is what you deserve for your sins.” I whispered. I turned to see my form wavering in and out of focus as if I was struggling to remain neither here nor there. Soon enough I knew I would disappear, my sins now coming full circle, I felt more easily able to leave this plane. 

I touched my cold corpse, and whispered a farewell, leaving the man to choke on his blood and despair. I turned to watch my reflection in the mirror finally waver one last time and my form began to float away, like motes of dust on the wind.