Wonder Woman

Oh it's been so long since I went horse-back riding. The wind feels amazing on my face. I catch my reflection in the clear stream next to me as I pass it. I look good! My dark hair flowing, my red cape billowing, my bracelets of submission glinting in the sun. I don't even care if the saddle on this horse will end up chafing my thighs in this Wonder-Woman costume, I've not felt this free and powerful in a very long time.

The trees, mountains and fields, all are fading into a blur around me. Its just me and this beautiful black horse. The only sound I can hear are the clippity-clop made by its galloping hooves. Actually, no. That's not exactly what it sounds like. It's not as rhythmic as it should be. It's more like a faint "tap-tap-tap". Did I leave the faucet open in the kitchen last night? Impossible! I don't do such mistakes. "tap-tap-tap". There it is again. Maybe I did. I will take care of it when I get back home.

"Mommy?"

Where did that sound come from?

"Tap-tap-tap... Mommy?"

There it is again.

"Mommy? Is Friday a holiday?"

Hah! No. It is not. But you would think that wouldn't you Teddy boy? Now go get washed up while mommy makes us something to eat.

Wait a second! I pull at the reins of the horse suddenly as I try to slow it down and stop. But it gets startled instead and throws me in the air. As I am airborne for a terrifying second, I realize that I had been dreaming. And as I hit the floor of my bedroom in my pajamas, I know for sure that that's what I was doing. As I lay there contemplating my life choices, there are three things I notice.

a.) I must run the vaccum cleaner under the bed more often.

b.) Wonder-woman costumes are completely impractical.

And c.) I was horribly late.

I scramble up from the floor. Unbelievable! My shiny new alarm clock did not gone off at all. And I am half-an-hour late! This is sacrilege in my universe.

"Mommy will be with you in a second darling. Go pee and brush your teeth!", I call out to my son.

"No! I am gonna sit outside your door until you come out. Why did you lock your door again?", he responds with his little boy whiny voice.

Because you were making it a habit of coming into mommy's room every night and you are almost 9 years old and everyone already judges me for babying you too much and I don't want to add one more thing to their ever growing list of why-I-suck! - I think to myself.

"I am sorry honey! I am coming out now. Step away from the door."

I open the door as gingerly as possible, as I know he was still sitting propped up against it, which meant as I opened it, he fell into my room. With a toothy grin.

"Very funny! Let's go get washed up now. We are horribly late today!"

He doesn't move. Just lies there, on the carpeted floor, looking up at me.

"Ted, please do not test my patience today. We are already late, let's go NOW!"

Nope. Such a cocky little devil. Fine. I lift up his arm and he suddenly decides to go all dead-weight on me. With a mighty effort, I pull him up, put him on his feet and push him out of the room.

Once he is in his bathroom and I'd made sure that he is indeed following the whole peeing - brushing - pooping morning ritual, I run back into the kitchen. The clock on the microwave shows 6.30 a.m. Only half-hour to go before we absolutely have to leave.

"It's okay! I'm fine. Everything's fine. This is nothing I can't handle. I am Wonder-Woman." I quickly say my mantra to myself to calm my nerves.

Okay so no time for coffee. I can have the slightly burnt brew from coffee shop around the corner. Let's focus on the break fast and lunch part. I can heat up yesterday's leftover pasta for breakfast, but the lunch needs to be something healthy. I decide to make an artfully cut salami "smiley" sandwich for him. But as I am surprisingly inept when it comes to art and was in a rush, the eyes came out slightly squinty and the smile ended up being borderline creepy. Great! My son's lunch looks like Pennywise the clown. So, I stick a post-it note on the little minion themed lunchbox declaring my love for my little prince and call it a day. I am really into overcompensating these days.

We rush through the rest of our routine and barely make it out of home on time. If I am not late to drop him off at school, I promise to treat myself with the pricey coffee at Starbucks. So, once my little boy was safely deposited at his school I drive to Starbucks, stand in the line for no less than 20 minutes, while tapping my foot impatiently, rolling my eyes at the patrons before me ordering ostentatiously complicated drinks, and mentally screaming at the barista to "HURRY THE FUCK UP!". I finally make it to the front and order my simple mocha latte with caramel sauce and promptly bleed through my ears when I hear the price. With a locked jaw and forced smile I pay for the coffee and leave for my store. With such an overpriced coffee in my system, today better be a good day! If only I knew what awaited me.

Because, by 9 a.m. my "good day" started veering dangerously into the "bad day" territory when my store manager took an impromptu day off leaving me to handle the delivery of all the new garments that were supposed to be arriving at the store. "It's okay!" I tell myself "It's okay! I'm fine. Everything's fine. This is nothing I can't handle. I am Wonder-Woman."

So, I start taking deliveries at the back while my very inexperienced newbie "sales consultant" took over manning the counter and accepted customers. I check in with the doe eyed sales girl in between deliveries and my other chores, and each time she manages to look even more terrified than before.

By 11 a.m., as it was turning out to be an uncharacteristically busy day, I decide I would call for reinforcements and dial my best friend's number and she agrees to help me out after lunch. At 11.30 I put my little helper out of her misery and tell her to go get something to eat. I close the store for 10 minutes to take a little breather, quickly scarf down an energy bar with the tasteless coffee from my old coffee maker.

After my laughable lunch, I open the store up and wait for my sales girl to arrive. By 12.10 I start getting antsy. But by 12.40 I am pretty confident that the girl was not coming back. And sure enough when I check my phone, I see her message. "I QUIT!" In all caps. Okay. I get it. It is not the ideal job, but you don't have to yell.

"Its all right. Everything's fine. I am going to be okay. I only have couple of hundered invoices to book into the system and check with at least 10 customers at the same time. Nothing I can't handle. I am Wonder-Woman.", I tell myself weakly.

It's my fault after all. During the pandemic I had to reduce the overhead costs of paying my employees their salaries. So, I ended up firing everyone with an incredibly heavy heart. But it was either keep them employed or keep the store afloat. I've been working with a threadbare staff ever since. Which meant longer work hours and offering discounts which I couldn't afford. Living on store brand corn flakes and ramen noodles at times. But now that things were opening up I am hopeful again. This was more than a livelihood for me. It was something my mother and I had dreamt of together. And I'd made a hell of a lot of sacrifices to be where I am today. That meant I could never quit.

At 1 my best friend arrives with her signature wide smile and warm hug and a much needed cup of coffee from the overpriced coffee shop down the street. Bless her soul! We work in tandem for 3 more hours until I have to leave to pick my son up from his school and drop him off at the baby sitter's after which I get back to the store. It's 6 p.m. now, which means that I have been up on my feet for 12 hours straight. But the day isn't over yet. I still have to go meet with a potential customer. And the meeting is downtown in a pub.

Although I abhor the idea of having the meeting at a pub I knew I could not lose this contract. It is for some ethically produced organic clothing brand which is a big deal these days among the "young millennial" crowd. So, I check up on my son and his baby sitter. Make sure everything was under control. I close up shop, say a little prayer of thanks to my mum and leave for this happening new pub.

As soon as I enter this place, I feel massively out of place. Like a colorless little 35 something sore thumb sticking out in the crowd of mostly 20 somethings. Except for my smudged ruby red lipstick I am dressed from head to toe in black. It felt as if everyone had stopped in their tracks and were now looking my way. I touched my hair self-consciously, glanced-down at my shoes, pulled at the skirt of my sensible black dress and beat it to the restroom.

When I catch a look at myself in the mirror, I do a double-take. Gosh! I look so frazzled. No wonder they were all staring at me. My hair, that I had wrangled into a bun in the morning, is now out of it and sticking up in all directions and to my forehead. My lipstick: non-existent. The mascara: long gone. The dark circles are making themselves known once again. And also, I was looking my age.

"It's okay! I am fine. Everything's fine! This is nothing I can't handle. I am Wonder-woman.", I chant to myself as I run a brush through my hair, dab a little concealer under my eyes, decide to forego the mascara and line my eyes with my trusty kohl which made the chocolate brown in them pop and refresh my ruby red lipstick. Taking off my crumpled blazer, I stuff it in my over-sized bag. "Okay! I am ready now", I smile and say to my reflection.

I sit myself at the bar. It's 10 past 7. We were supposed to meet at 7. No worries. In this traffic, it's absolutely normal to be a little late. I decide to order myself a vodka and tonic and wait. It's 7.30 now and I think I have a head ache and a shoulder ache and a body ache. The bar stool was becoming increasingly uncomfortable, poking me in the backside. My drink is left mostly untouched. By 7.40 I am almost sure that the meeting is not going to happen. As I am about to leave, I receive a text from the customer that his infant daughter had to be taken to the hospital as she had not pooped for 7 days straight. I can't even be angry at the guy! "Perfect! Just perfect!" I huff out a laugh and empty my first drink and order another. "To hell with it! I'll Uber it. Tomorrow's the weekend. I've got nowhere to be. With the day that I am having I deserve it."

I check with my baby sitter again. My son was sound asleep by now, she assures me that he had had his dinner and instructs me that I should stay out for a little bit more and relax a bit. I thank her profusely and hang up with a smile on my face. I am just sufficiently buzzed from my second drink when I decide to look up from my phone and join the land of the living. The crowd around me is getting wilder by the second. "So, this is what happens after dark on a Friday! Fascinating."

Just as I am going back to my drink while doing my best to blend into the background, my eyes get caught on to another pair on the other end of the bar. My heart involuntarily skips a beat. My smile drops as I realize those eyes belonged to a guy. Sharp features. A regal nose. Dark eyebrows. 5 o-clock shadow around a solemn mouth, which curves into a small friendly smile as soon as our eyes get connected.

I look away immediately. "Was that for me? It couldn't be. Gosh, I am too old for this shit!" I glance back at him, as indifferently as possible, and yep! He is definitely looking at me. He was not bad-looking, maybe even handsome by some people's standards.

"Why is he looking at me?", I think, looking away again. "How long has he been looking at me? And why is it bothering me so much?" It's been over 4 years since my divorce. 4 years in which I have never been on a date because I'm always so focused on my son and my business.

"There is no harm in looking right? I am not going to approach him for sure. I hope he doesn't approach me either. And if he does, I can unleash my patented resting bitch face to deter him. So what's the big deal in just perusing?" I give myself a mental pep talk, straighten my back, take a fortifying sip from my drink and a deep breath and slowly look his way. Oh! But he is looking somewhere else now. Bummer! Disappointed, I am just about to look away when he glances towards me. And our eyes connect once again. Then he smiles. Close-lipped. Eyes twinkling. Subtly crinkling in the corners. Knowing.

"He smiles as though he knows all my secrets", is my first thought. It is difficult to make out the color of his eyes from here. The mood-lighting in this place was not helping. But from how his eyes were glimmering in the dim light I guess they must be jewel toned. "Maybe his eyes are green. With flecks of gold around the irises. Like a field of golden wheat surrounded by a deep green forest". Look at me going all poetic. I mentally roll my eyes at myself and smile. In reciprocation his smile grows wider and warmer. As if it made him genuinely happy that I had smiled. It was the most bizarre thing. "Why would a complete stranger care about my happiness?"

"It's okay! I'm fine. Everything's fine. This is nothing I can't handle. I am Wonder-Woman", I repeat my mantra in my mind as I engage in a war of wits with the good-looking stranger on the other end of the bar. We are competing to see who would look away first or who would make the first move. Certainly not me. The evening reaches its crescendo, he makes a move as if to stand up, but right then my phone rings.

"Hello. Hi Catherine. Is everything all right?".

"Yes everything is fine. I don't want you to worry but Teddy just had a little episode. I gave him his inhaler and he is doing better. But he's asking for you."

"Okay. Tell him mommy's on her way. And thank you so much for being there. I really appreciate it. I am leaving now. I will see you in a bit."

I am already gathering my stuff, paying the bill and sliding off the bar stool as I speak to her. But as soon as I stand up I stumble. I hadn't realized exactly how tipsy I was. Just as I fall, he is there, out of the blue. He grasps me by my elbow as he steadies me and puts me back on my feet.

Rattled and I put my hand to my racing heart, and I look his way, straight into his eyes.

"Are you all right?", He asks.

"Green. I was right", I say with a sigh.

"Sorry?", he says with a puzzled look on his face.

"Oh nothing. Thank you for your help. But I've got it from here", I tell him with a kind smile and he smiles back. And just as he opens his mouth to say something, I say, "Goodbye. Goodnight and thank you again."

He looks confused for a second and replies, "It's not a problem."

Then, I walk away from him. Order an Uber and go back home to my son.

Later, as I settle down next to my son for the night, my mind wanders and I think of my stranger again. He, for an instant, made me feel attractive, wanted. I was just a woman out on a Friday night for those few minutes, not a mum or a store owner. And I am unashamed to say that it did give me some validation, which I didn't even know I needed. It certainly did transform my mostly "bad day" into an almost "good" one. I did feel something akin to disappointment when I left without even asking for his name. But that feeling was fleeting just like those moments. As I stroked my son's hair I reminded myself, "It's okay! I'm fine. Everything's fine. Nothing I can't handle. I am wonder-woman."

And all was well in my world!