He Wanted To...

He walked all the way to the middle of the forest, gone off the trail, climbed through trees and rocks to find a place where he could be alone. He walked all the way out there perhaps because he was tired of feeling alone whilst surrounded by people, or maybe to escape everything that reminded him of something. Or who’s to say he didn’t just enjoy the fresh air. He walked to the middle of that forest where he stood alone, feeling the breeze on his plum cheeks. He was tired from walking, or perhaps from running away. His sweat dripped through his dry, cold cheek like a wave that refuses to crash before reaching shore.

Then it was as if the eyes noticed the drought in the boy’s cheeks and watered them with sorrow and memories. Before the saline could stain his face, he tugged his sleeve to cover his hand, and used it to wipe the memory from his cheeks. He starred straight up at the tree-covered view and exhaled the pain he had brought with him to the forest. Before he could consider suffocating, he inhaled it back in, heavy on his chest.

He had forgotten why he had walked out here in the first place. If it was to hide or just to find a new place to breathe. He wanted to know why he was out here amidst the emptiness thinking that here was where he was going to find himself.

He wanted to know why he still viewed the forest as empty when it, more than anything else in his artificial world, was breathing back into his lungs more than just pain. He realized that perhaps it wasn’t just one thing driving him out there, and it wasn’t just ‘things’ that took up space.

He wanted to…

He took his phone out of his pocket and checked the time, realizing that he had been standing there for hours. He exhaled again, this time not trying to litter but simply making room for fresh air.

He put his headphones on and walked out of the forest.

On his way back home he noticed someone walking in his direction. He considered crossing the sidewalk to avoid them, as he often does, but instead he just took out his phone and pretend to look busy to avoid eye contact.

Starring into his social media, refreshing every page hoping for something, he didn’t notice the crack on the side walk. His ankle landed right in the middle of it, and he fell right on top of the man passing by him.

The man stumbled, but he appeared confused. “What the heck was that?” It was as if the man could feel the boy knocking him over, but like wind, the boy was nowhere to be seen. Present in matter, but translucent to the eye.

He had always dreamed of it. Of disappearing. Not like suicide. That was too cataclysmic for him. You know, with the gore, and the looming uncertainty of the after life. That wasn’t for him. He knew wanted to be something, someone. But he hated who he was now. He wanted to grow without being there. Fast forward through the years unnoticed to a time where he was happy, so radiant he would no longer need to be translucent.

But he couldn’t believe it. Maybe that guy was just a jerk. So he sprinted down the street up to the boutique down the corner from his house.

It was the first time he walked in and nobody greeted him. Nobody told him the specials or offered him a shopping bag. And in a way it made him happy. He came in the store for one purpose, and he enjoyed the idea of going about undisturbed. Like walking around with your headphones on to let people know that you don’t want to listen to them. He sped through the store straight to the fitting rooms.

He shook a couple of doors to try and open them, but only on the fourth did he stare into the mirror only to see nothing staring back at him. He smiled. He couldn’t see himself but he felt his lips push his cheeks like land slides to the corners of his mouth. He walked all the way up to the mirror and starred at himself. Or at nothing. Mesmerized by the idea of being without the bother of the external world.

On his way home, he thought about how his family would feel. Would they notice he was gone? His parents had always loved him, almost to a fault. He was almost 20, and his parents still didn’t trust him with anything. They always wanted his life to be their idea of perfect. They never wanted him to want. But he did.

As he stepped in the house, he could hear his mother screaming at his father about something ridiculous again, like crumbs on the couch or a dead plant. They had grown so unhappy with each other since dad got his traveling job and it’s made this house feel like its being submerged in water and there is no air left to breathe. he pass by them, unnoticed and stroll straight up to my room. his room was his safe haven. It is the only place where he felt free to do and say what he wanted. It was the only room in the house left uncovered by the water.

At around dinner time, he headed down to the kitchen to make himself a sandwich. He passed by the dinner table to notice his family eating, more quietly than usual. There was no empty spot for him, as if they didn’t even notice. “Thanks mom!” He said sarcastically, knowing that none of them could hear.

As he started to make himself a sandwich, he can over hear the conversation in the room.

“We’re glad your brother is gone and that we get to have dinner with just you. You know, there is something your mother and I need to tell you.”

“Your mother and I? I wasn’t the one going around…”

“Honey, please… Don’t start. Look… I cheated on your mother and we’re getting a divorce.”

The boy filled rage. His face was sweltering hot, as he stormed into the dining the room.

“We don’ want to tell your brother yet because we just don’t know how he’s going to handle it.”

“I AM SO TIRED OF THIS” He screamed.

But his family didn’t even notice. They just kept talking about the details of the divorce and who would get to see who on what days, planning my life again. And he wanted so badly for the first time in a long time to be seen. To be heard. To have direction over the way he wants to live, the life he wants to live. He wanted to…

He walked upstairs to his room and packed a book bag with food, a flash light and sweater. He headed downstairs, and he leaned at the dining room entrance watching his family. His cheeks full like oceans bursting into his chiseled chin.

He opened the door, and he walked all the way back to the middle of the forest.