Ferryman's Holiday

He is craving it again and wonders if the pesky dragon will visit to keep an eye on his ferry for the dead while he nips through the barrier House doorway to get one.

“Ferryman, we are new arrivals and we have our gold coin.”

A round blonde woman tugs at her top to try and cover up the hole in her stomach.

“Put your coin in the sack and mind your step as you get on my boat to paradise. It takes me a while as I take two at a time. One year I had a whole battalion of roman soldiers who wanted to travel together. What a headache that was. But I got there in the end.” 

“How long have you been here then Ferryman?”

Long grey bones move out from the Ferryman’s cloak.

“No idea, but I remember thinking Venus was beautiful before my eyes were plucked out for ogling her too long.”

The couple side eye the creepy Ferryman and step into his black, slimy boat.

-===-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-

Sawing down his horns and brushing his fangs for his daily routine makes Qenya itchy for another adventure.

“Any new temp jobs for us today?”

'I hear the Ferryman is craving another holiday. Fancy tormenting the lost souls on their way through the river of the dead? We could take a few and scare some whomans as it’s Halloween on the way back."

"Er, yeah, adding gold to my hoard is always on my mind Miss Kitty. We can nab a few of the dead on the way back to quicken the whoman’s dying to get in your bottle."

Miss Kitty taps her ornate mirrored bottle hanging from her black corset.

"That's settled then, eat your gold crush breakfast cereal and we'll be off."

"Think I'll shift into my tall gothic whoman form but keep my front fangs. Last time many screamed and hid. Later they gave me more than one gold coin as the holiday temp Ferryman. I think black suits me."

“It does tonight, anyway.”

Miss Kitty and Qenya head to the dark door at back of the barrier house and slip around the back vent to the underworld shortcut she had made before.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

"Better late than never, what took you so long? This time just take their coin and ferry them across. Sing a song they ask for if they are tearful. I'm craving one of those human world pumpkin spiced lattes. It reminds me of the pumpkin pie someone used to make me. But like a lot of things down here, I've forgotten who."

Qenya, the former King of dragons, misses having victims to torment.

"He won't mind my little game."

"He said that last time it took him ages to fish 'em out of the river of tears and lost dreams and he doesn't have a spare black cloak so had to drip dry."

"Yeah, yeah, I'll just leave him a spare."

-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-

“Look at him, he looks just like Father Christmas on holiday. Blimey that beard is old fashioned and look at his pop belly. That top is something I need to tint my shades down for.”

The tanned man with luminous white teeth watches the Ferryman and hears the shop bell as he stands in line.

“We need a pumpkin spiced latte anyway so why don’t we queue up to see what he orders.”

Her lashes almost reach her nose as she wrinkles it to laugh at the Ferryman ordering his hot drinks and gingerbread cakes.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-

“That was a fun time. My purse is now full to the brim with gold so it will be time to go to a Halloween party soon.”

“Yes, my party at my country house. Geeves will have all the whomans drunk by the time we get there. So bringing a few dead to torment the whomans out of their life force will be as easy as pie.”

“Brilliant idea, Miss Kitty Bon Marche, magnificently cruel as always. No wonder you are the former water elf Queen’s assassin.”

A scraping sound behind them had Qenya side eye the handle of an axe moving towards them.

“Excuse me, you said we could get our life back if we scared a few living folk. How do we get out of here? The underworld is well known for keeping us stuck here.”

A man with an axe in his head flings his eyes out of his sockets and worms run around them. They return so he can blink, but bulge under his eyelids as he lifts up his broom.

“When the Ferryman pops back to give us a dinner break, be under Qenya’s cloak and you’ll get to go to a party. We’ll get you back by sun up.”

The axe waggles as he nods his head.

“I think I return anyway when the sun is up as my ghost fades.”

Miss Kitty claps her hands as the Ferryman returns with a takeaway pack of lattes and treats.

“See you at sunup Ferryman and you can stay on holiday for a week at mine to see the fun.”

The Ferryman nods and hands over their snacks.

“Humans are weird. Two in particular asked to touch my beard and admired my big orange holiday shirt. I wear it as a change from black, to be honest. I still forgot to buy a second cloak, but I see one of you has hung one up for me. I appreciate that, as it’s not nice to drip dry on a windy day.”

“Time for my annual Halloween party Qenya, I hope you remembered the key to the dark elf cupboard?”

“Oh those snarling servants of yours? Yeah, yeah I have my keys so we can collect the life force of those greedy whomans. Don’t worry your wrinkles will be gone by morning dear Lady.”

“I need their life essence. It’s alright for you, as you are all magic as the former king of the dragons. Me, as half whoman and half water elf means I need an annual energy top up or I look like a witchy hag. Halloween is the perfect scary time to petrify whomans out of their life and into my jar.”