Insight

“This is a weapon Jesse and you are not using it only on yourself but also your family, your children are in agony because of you. Nothing matters to you anymore, is there? Please take a second and think what you are doing to all of us. This is not a new world for me but it is for these three.”

“Whatever you say won’t change the fact that there is a person out there who won’t stop knocking until you open the damn door.”

“And then what? What are we going to offer them? I can swing that door open and smile widely at whoever is out there but what next? You know sometimes I wonder what goes on in that head of yours.”

A knock on the wooden door is heard once again. It’s as if the couple has an audience and the knock is an applause. The kids are lying on a small mat huddled together sound asleep in their own little world which is unfortunately also filled with sadness. They are barely visible because of the dim lantern light but the parents know exactly where they are and that’s enough. To them, the universe didn’t need them in it and nothing would change if they weren’t breathing the stuffy air in the self-contained room.

Air filled with the soil’s dampness because their parents cannot afford a carpet, let alone a cemented house. Air filled with the smell of alcohol because their father finds serenity in nothing but alcohol. Air filled with their stinky sweat because they cannot afford water to wash their clothes. This is what the universe has offered and they are okay with it.

The family doesn’t mind coming home every evening to the same room but they do mind letting a stranger in.

Jesse staggers around the room kicking and dropping almost everything but the good thing is none of it shatters because the impact with the ground is not strong enough.

“Jesse, no!” Melanie, his wife and mother to the three kids pleads for a hundredth time to no avail. The man of the house is tired of the endless pounding on the door which has led him to act. It would be safe to say that his actions are meant to suit his desires and whatever happens to the others in the same room is none of his concern. All he wants is a peaceful nap and whatever Jesse wants, Jesse gets.

The door holds his average weight after he stumbles on a lump of soil and staggers a few steps forward. He wraps his trembling fingers on the door handle and pulls it with a smile. His facial expression as he looks at the stranger says it all, “save your knuckles woman.”

“Thank you so much kind sir. I am so sorry to bother you but there is a storm coming and my destination is four hours away. This is the only house with the lights on in this small settlement so if you could please extend your kindness and let me stay for the night, I will be eternally grateful.”

Melanie looks at the middle aged woman with a sad face. What have you done, Jesse? Is the only question running in her mind but there is no one to answer her.

“Melanie, you have a guest,” Jesse says in a drunken voice and staggers back to the mat he was lying on.

“Melanie, can I come in?” the woman asks softly but it is like she in intentionally further piercing Melanie’s already bleeding heart.

“Yes, yes, come in.” It takes all the courage in her being to utter these words. She is unable to hold back tears that are flooding her eyes and thanks to the dim light, her tears are invisible.

The woman enters and shuts the door behind her. She walks towards Melanie and sits on the floor next to the kids with her back rested on the wall.

“I will be here for a few hours, Melanie ,and in case you are wondering, I don’t think any less of you because of your condition. You are pure of heart and that is the greatest gift anyone can poses. All these mean nothing. When our lives are no more, none of it will matter. Your pure heart will however save you. Don’t ever let anyone destroy it.”

“I didn’t choose to live this way, you know? I could be living in better circumstances and still have a pure heart.” Melanie finds herself pouring her heart out to the stranger.

“I know but we cannot always have what we want. You feel like you fell the hardest. Alcoholic husband, unconducive environment, three children, no permanent job but no, your life is only about to begin.”

“You do not know my life at all, okay? Because if you did, you would know that it ended a long time ago. These are just words people say to make me feel good but guess what? None of it works, ever. I cannot feel good living like this.”

“You are right, no one can actually. Have you ever thought of all those times you had to smile so your child can’t see you crying or sad? All those times you waved happily at your friends and wished them a good day while your heart was bleeding? Of course you do. What you cannot remember is how the short moments felt like because you never allow yourself to. Truth is, even when you are so sad that pretending to be happy becomes impossible, you will smile for your kids and friends. Make that count. When this is finally behind you, you will remember not only all the unending sad days but also the days you smiled for others.”

“I’m sorry but I don’t understand.”

“You will, soon. And, if you are a prayerful woman, my message will make sense soon enough. It never hurt anyone to smile, it never hurt anyone to be a good person and most importantly, it never hurt anyone to have a pure heart. This is your gift Melanie, cherish it. I wish I could go on but I have a long journey tomorrow. Sleep well Melanie.”

“Have a good night.” For the first time that night, her heart is at peace when she utters the words.