It Deserves to be Called "The Best"

It Deserves to be Called “The Best”

By: Paul Stevens

“Ladies and Gentlemen what I have prepared for you this afternoon is the worlds finest grilled cheese sandwich. I have gathered the finest cheeses such as Pecorino Romano from the Island of Sardinia in Italy; it is one of the oldest cheeses in Italy and was once a staple in the diet of the “legionnaires” in ancient Rome. I have paired it with the finest Asiago cheese, which I found after two months searching the various mountain villages tucked away in the Asiago plateau, located in the Veneto regions of Italy. I have fitted these perfectly blended, authentic cheeses between two thick, but not to thick, slices of fresh baked, seven grain bread baked this morning at the finest bakery that the Lakeshore Village has to offer.”

This last part made the judges and the audience swoon; whenever you can add a little local flare into your entry, you know that you got yourself a winner.

“In between those to amazing cheeses your most honorable judges” he continued, “is a homemade Kim-Chi that I prepared myself after obtaining the recipe from a close friend of mine, who is no longer with us, may he rest in peace. But when he was alive, he was an expert in the Korean cuisine and has used this very same Kim-Chi recipe in all of his dish’s that required Kimchi; and it is the very same Kim-Chi recipe that he received from his grandmother and the very same recipe that has been used in his family for generations. It is my honor ladies and gentlemen to continue that tradition for my dear, departed friend.” now he was tugging at the heart strings; this guy was a seasoned pro at this.

“The Kimchi consists entirely of fresh ingredients that I procured after triumphantly battling and scrapping and bargaining with all the ladies in the local market of Toronto’s Korean Town for their best Napa Cabbage, Daikon Radish, Scallions, Onion, Fish Sauce, Salted Shrimp, Gochutgaru, and my own secret ingredient and Asian Pear. And last but not least, your honorable judges; I was able to select the finest potato from the vegetable stand at the local farm that I pass daily on my commute home.” That part got a chuckle out of the judges and the audience “now you put that together and lather your bread generously with a heaping portion of the best sea salted butter from an exquisite Vermont creamery, you grill that in a cast iron skillet over the open flame and hot coals of hardwood in a stone fireplace, and your honorable judges, you get the ‘Worlds Best Grilled Cheese Sandwich’.”

The three judges each took a bite of the sandwich the handsome middle-aged man put before them. All three smiled and said it was delicious, the woman who sat on the left amongst the three of them said she found the kimchi made it a bit to spicy, the overweight gentleman in the middle nodded his head in agreement when she said this; while the man who sat on the right said he found the flavors of the kimchi and the pepper berries blended together beautifully.

“And why do you think the grilled cheese sandwich that you have prepared for us today sir deserves to be called “The Best Grilled Cheese Sandwich in the world?”

           The questioned was asked of me by an overweight, bald man who wore a pecular out of date, grey, handlebar moustache proudly on his face. He was the local resident who was chosen this year by the restaurants in the Lakeshore Village area as the customer to sit in the head seat at the judge’s table. How he won this spot? Of that I am not sure; he looked like the kind of man who should be tending bar in an old west saloon not sitting in the head seat at the judges table of a semi prestigious grilled cheese contest. Whatever system the restaurants of the Lakeshore Village and area used to determine which of their local customers was deserving of such a spot at the judges table, to determine the absolute best grilled cheese in the world, I do not know, maybe he ordered a lot of grilled cheese sandwiches through “Skip the Dishes”. either way this man gave off the impression that he had convinced himself that he truly had the most important job in the world. To his right and my left, was a very tall, beautiful, long haired, red headed woman who looked like she should be on the cover of “Vouge” magazine. Judging by the size of her, I was not even sure if she ate food, what her credentials were, I could not even fathom. As it turns out she was not a supermodel, although I was sure that she could be. Instead of a supermodel, she was a popular food blogger, or “Foodie” as she called herself on her blog; she had I do not know how many thousands of followers and had accepted the request to be a judge at this year’s contest. She said, “it would be an honor”. To the left of the head judge and my right, sat the local chef who judged the contest every year. He was a fit man who looked great for a man in his late fifties. He had a great head of grey hair that he wore perfectly. He had a gorgeous wife who always was accompanying him when there was a camera around. He was a local celebrity who ran one of the local high-end restaurants in lakeshore village which has received many an accolade over the years. He has run a Michelin star restaurant in Europe in the past and currently owns four high-end restaurants in 3 different countries. To me he looked smug and a little to assure of himself.

           I was not sure how to answer the question the judge had asked me; I could not give him the same form of answer that my opponent gave. My opponent who had as many culinary accolades as the chef on the judges panel, even more. My opponent had also run a Michelin star restaurant in Europe and had even been a judge on a couple of those reality cooking shows on tv. He gave his answer with such elegance, confidence, charm, and grace that it made everyone in the audience’s mouth water and gave them the urge to storm the judges table and steal a bite of such a glorious grilled cheese sandwich.

Now how was I supposed to follow this man’s answer? I very well could not highlight my ingredients and the struggles I went through to obtain them. There were no struggles, I could not look at those judges and tell them the truth. That I scoured the aisles of the Fosters Grocery Mart in Bruce Mines for the finest block of old cheddar that was on sale. I believe the cheddar will blend perfectly with what I judged was the softest looking loaf of “Wonder bread” the store had to offer. Two slices of which I have lathered heavily with what they “Can’t Believe Is Not Butter.” I very well could not say this, could I? Although I do think my ending joke was funnier than my oh so charming opponents.

And yet they were looking for an answer, the judges, the audience, and what I found out later was many people on the internet were all sure that I could provide the answer to the question as to why my simple grilled cheese, made by a bushman who climbed down from the hills of his trapline in Northern Ontario with his cast iron skillet that had been used thousands of times over  almost a hundred year span on the trapline. Carrying in one hand a plastic grocery bag containing a loaf of bread, cheese and butter and in the other hand a bundle of dry sticks gathered from the very hills that I climbed down from. They wanted to know how my sandwich was neck and neck in fan voting over the course of a week at the festival for the lead in best sandwich when there were so many other skilled and creative entries. I could not answer this question but at the closing of the fan voting I had won myself a spot in the final.

The internet had gotten a hold of the story earlier in the week and soon it had gone viral. And why wouldn’t it? It was the kind of story that everyone loved. A true underdog story, a Cinderella story if you prefer. The simple bushman who climbed down the hills from Northern Ontario against the world renown expert in the culinary arts and a well-known celebrity chef. A name we have all herd once or twice before, at the very least. What we had here was your classic “David Vs Goliath” story and who does not love one of those? It was the kind of story that would intrigue anyone. The fans who tried my grilled cheese loved the fact that they had an authentic Trapline Grilled Cheese Sandwich, and they all said it conjured up warm memories of childhood and days gone by. That they said is why they voted my grilled cheese sandwich as the “best in the world.” My opponent told the press that my close second place finish in the voting was the result of internet trolls who were out to humble him because of how arrogant and cocky he comes off when he judges food competitions on TV. And who knows? He could very well be right. In the end it does not matter, I am here. The judges and what I’m told is a whole lot of people on the internet are awaiting my answer to the question “why I think my Trapline Grilled Cheese Sandwich is the best in the world?” So, I will give them the best and most honest answer I can give. I stood up and just as proudly and confidently as my opponent did I addressed the judges.

“The reason that my trapline grilled cheese sandwich deserves to be called the ‘best in the world’ your honourable judges, if I may steal a line from my opponent? The reason is because it provides what the best grilled cheese sandwich in the world would and should provide; something that my opponents well crafted and finely grilled sandwich with all its fancy ingredients from all the exotic places in the world could not match in effect to mine, and that is comfort and complete satisfaction. What I was able to capture in the grilled cheese sandwich that I present before you today are the comfort and satisfaction that comes with each bite of this simple sandwich of “Wonder bread” and “Select” brand cheese and margarine, all bought from the local grocery store. A recipe that has been used by everyone for generations and generations to come. By cooking this simple recipe on the camps iron skillet, over a campfire of dry deadwood from the trapline, I have captured that feeling of comfort and satisfaction you get when you spend a hard day out in the cold checking your traps, your pack heavy with a load of fur, your feet so cold they hurt and throb, and your hands have gone numb and void of feeling. But now your back at camp, the fire is going, and after wrapping your numb hands around the sizzling sandwich, the numbness in your fingers begins to fade and the throbbing in your feet ceases. The only thing you feel at that very moment is complete comfort and satisfaction; like it was worth feeling cold and miserable then so you could feel this good now.  If the rules of the contest permitted me to provide a thermos cup full of “Campbells” tomato soup to dip it in I could without a doubt in my mind send you to heaven.” I paused for a second, to let the judges ponder what I told them before I continued.

“And that is why, when you take that first bite of my sandwich, and the cheese is clinging to your mouth as it stretches from your lips to the sandwich you are pulling away from your mouth. At this moment you will close your eyes as they roll back in your head behind your eyelids, and your head will slowly turn up and away as you are flooded with memories from your past, whatever they might be?”

As I looked at the head judge, the local customer choice, I addressed him directly and continued.

“I bet for you sir, when you take that first bite, it reminds you of “snow days” when you were a kid. Playing outside with your older brother, building snow forts and having snowball fights with all the other neighborhood kids; your mom eventually calls you and your brother in for lunch, and if I was a gambling man, which I am, I would bet my skillet that she made you and your brother grilled cheese sandwiches. For you fine Sir, my sandwich represents those days as a youth spent having enormous amounts of fun and not having a care or worry in the world.”

The odd looking, overweight person smiled after I said this, and I knew I had hit the nail on the head.

“And you, fine sir” I said as I turned to the local acclaimed chef who acted as a judge for the contest every year, “You look like you very well could have been a mommies boy, and I’m willing to bet that when you take that first bite it takes you back to days on the couch, home sick perhaps? And your mom would make you a grilled cheese. I am even willing to double down and say that she gave you a hug and a soft kiss on the forehead before you dug in to eat. For you, my sandwich will represent the comfort you would feel from your mother’s love. That feeling you get when your mother hugs you as a child exactly when you need it, it feels safe and comfortable”

The man did not move, his facial expression was stone cold silent. perhaps I was way off with that one? I do not think I could have been to far off the mark though.

“And that brings us to you, young lady.” I said this as I turned my attention to the beautiful, red headed, food blogger.

“I can tell that you are extremely sweet and kind with just a touch of a wild side. A wild side that you got from your college dorm roommate who was wild as all hell but had a heart of gold and really brought you out of your shell.” She was smiling already; I really hit a homerun right up in the top deck with this one.

“I can see the two of you making grilled cheese on a hot plate, even though having a hot plate in your room is against the rules. The two of you could have made hundreds of them by the time you finished college and I bet if I were to ask your mother she would say ‘knowing the two of you back then they more than likely would have used an Iron.” The food blogger let out a high-pitched chuckle after hearing my prediction.

“The hot plate burnt out after three months” she said, “the iron lasted all 4 years.” Everyone and I that were in attendance laughed when she said this, even Mr. Stone Cold, Award winning, local chef let out a clearly visible chuckle.

“For you, young lady my sandwich will represent all the emotions and feelings of being young, alongside your best friend, and the whole world is out there in front of you, and the opportunities are endless, it represents the comfort of being young and free”

“For me, my sandwich represents the comfort in a complete warmth, the kind that wraps you up like a blanket and warms you fully when you were just shortly very cold. The grilled cheese sandwich’s job is to provide nourishment and sustenance. But my sandwich honorable judges Achieves that and so much more and is not that what something that is called ‘the best’ does? My sandwich does do that ladies and gentleman, by providing you with the comfort of warm memories. And that, your honorable judges, is why it deserves to be called the ‘Best Grilled Cheese Sandwich in the World.’ At least that is what I think, but that is why they made you the judges, you will have to tell me.

The End