Take Back Your Story

“Woah, they’re beautiful,” I said, astounded by how mesmerizing the twinkling specks that light up the sky really were.

“See what happens when you take a minute to look at the bigger picture, life isn’t just about studying and getting good grades, it’s also about appreciating the little things such as the stars in the sky.” I looked over at my best friend who brought me here and smiled because I knew he was right, he always was, but I’d never tell him that. I feel like I’ve been living my life on autopilot, living the life everyone else thinks is best for me, never being able to take control and go my own way, but left drifting aimlessly farther and farther from my dreams. He spoke again, “When was truly that last time you took a second look at the things that everyone told you were useless or not worth your time?”

“It’s been a while actually,” I say looking back up at the glowing lights, “but I’ve never had the time to revisit any of those things because of everything I’m expected to do.” My everyday schedule is always packed full of school activities and if it’s not school stuff it’s community service things. The only time I really have to myself is when I sleep and shower and even those have a strict time limit that I can’t go over. On top of all those things, I still have to maintain good grades and stay on the honor roll so I can get into the best colleges and possibly get a scholarship from the one I choose because if I don’t I’ll end up never being able to take my life back and forever be controlled by the people around me.  

“Have you ever tried to live a life that isn’t controlled by your parents, like have you tried to break free of the short leash they have you on?” he asked looking over at me, I looked away from the sky to him and gave a small smile, then looked back to the galaxy, wondering life would be like if I were to have ‘tried to break free of the short leash’ instead of doing what they say all the time. Would I feel free? Or would I still have them over my shoulder telling me that what I’m doing is wrong or not going to get me anywhere in life? Would I ever truly be free of their judgment? It’s not like I want to disappoint them, but I also want to be able to live free of all the expectations they have set, I want to be able to not reach one of their high set goals and not feel like the world is crumbling down on top of me. Everything always comes back to the same questions of ‘is that really too much to ask?’ or ‘am I just being childish and should grow up and accept my fate?’ 

Somehow he knew what I was thinking because he responded with, “you shouldn’t have to feel worried by what your parents think all the time. You should be able to live your own life without them always hovering over your shoulder telling you what not to do and discouraging you from something you want to experience. You’re not being selfish or childish for wanting what every other kid our age has. It’s just how life is.” Yet again he was right, but it’s not as easy as he made it out to be. You can’t just drop all your fears of judgment or that you’re being impulsive after that’s all you’ve known.

“You know if you continue to strike valid points I’m going to have to either stop talking to you or educate myself in the ways of sarcastic comebacks,” I teased, to which the blonde standing next to me laughed.

“Well if you stop talking to me, you’ll be alone ‘cause someone’s anti-social self doesn’t know how to make friends.”

“I wonder who that could be?” I said putting my index finger on my lips while making a ‘hmm’ sound to act as if I were thinking. 

“Don’t think too hard,” he smirked and I knew exactly what was coming next, “you don’t want to break something up there.” He tapped the side of my head like he was checking everything was still working. I shot him a glare, and he responded by laughing, “you look like an angry child whose transformer didn’t transform.” I had to laugh at that, there was absolutely no way I could have kept a straight face with that analogy even if I tried. 

“You’re an idiot,” I looked back up into the night sky and sighed.

“What’s on your mind?” I could feel him looking at me with gentle eyes, but I stayed still taking in the different patterns that the stars created.

I took a deep breath before I spoke again trying to stay calm even with the tears threatening to spill free from my eyes, “I just wish I could be like every other high school kid. Sometimes I just lay in bed and imagine what it would be like if I could care less about everything and just live. Even if life would be worse than it seems to be now, I wouldn’t care because it would have been a decision that I made for myself, and I would have no one to blame but myself, and I would be fine with that. Just to be able to know what it feels like to be free of the crushing weight, maybe I would have the time to take in the little things that are overlooked by the average person.”

“You can still take control, you have to stick up for yourself when you're told to do something and you want to do another thing. You have to do the things that you’re scared of because if you don’t then someone else will and you might not get the chance again. You need to take control of your story. Don’t just be a background character in someone else’s book, be the main character of your own.” He put his hands on my shoulders forcing me to look at him, “I’ll help you in any way you need. It pains me to see you locked away like an animal, unable to run free on one of the many paths of the world.” The tears I tried so desperately to hold back before were now flowing down my cheeks like waterfalls off a cliff. I didn’t know how he would respond to what I was about to do, but I didn’t mind the possible outcome. I pulled him into a hug and rested my head on his chest, at first he was stiff by the sudden contact but after a few seconds, he relaxed a bit and rubbed small circles into my back trying to calm me back down. 

After about five minutes I was able to settle down enough to form understandable sentences, “I want to take control, but I can’t do it alone.” I pulled away from the hug and looked him in the eyes. He smiled, and I think he could tell that I already had the framework of an idea for how to break free. We spent the entire rest of the night talking about what I had in mind while he added onto it. 

It has been six years since that night on the roof, after our conversation we set up everything that we needed, and two weeks later I finally stood up for myself, taking back control on my life. Once I did that, my parents and I had a discussion about how what they were doing was suffocating for me and after about three or so months, they finally backed off, letting me take control of what I wanted to do with my life. Even though I had taken back control, I still completed high school with honors as they wanted, but I decided to take a year off to visit each state. After I took the break, I went back to school, and things got a little more hectic than I thought they would, but I got through it. 

“Daddy?” a small voice called for me, “What are you doing?” I looked over and was met with the bright blue eyes of my daughter. It turned out that my girlfriend from senior year was pregnant and didn’t tell me till after I got back from traveling the country. After finding out about her, I swore to myself that I would never be like my parents, and I would let her experience life to the fullest whenever she could.

“Hi sweetie, what’s up?” I asked, closing my laptop so there was a place for her to sit on my lap.

“I wanna go outside.” She looked at me with puppy dog eyes and added in the sweetest voice, “pleeeeeeeeeeeease.” I smiled at her and nodded. A small squeal of excitement left her lips. She jumped to the ground waiting for me to get up, after standing I picked her up and started walking to the back porch. Once we got to the railing, I set her down on it still keeping my arm around her waist so she didn’t fall, “Daddy look!” She pointed up at the sky, “They are soooo pretty, Daddy,” I smiled looking up at the twinkling specks that lit up the night sky.

“Yeah sweetie, they’re beautiful.”