The Windowsill Talk - Tiny, but Immense

“Hey,”

A cheerful voice tickled my eardrum. When I opened my eyes and looked around, I saw someone knocking on my window.

“Hey!”

The shoutings and knocks made the glass shiver. I picked up my glasses, and tugged myself closer to the window. It was a boy yelling outside.

“You finally woke up!”

The boy said with an interesting face.

“What’s your name?”

“Uh…Finn.”

“My name is Jack. I’m from Jacksonville, right next to this town. My aunt lives here, so I stay here during my summer vacation.”

“Good for you.”

“Can you open the window? I can’t hear you well.”

“Um, okay, I will.”

Opening the window, summer poured down bright sunlight on my bedsheet. Breezing wind and whistling birds drew the hot atmosphere peacefully as the eye of the storm. Jack placed his mahogany-tanned arm on the windowsill aside, and questioned again.

“Why are you just sitting here?”

“Um…I’m just, you know, used to this.”

Jack wiped his sweat dripping from his forehead.

“Wanna play football? Me and my cousins are now having a game. You can come and join it.”

“Sorry, I can’t.”

“What do you mean you can’t?”

It seemed he didn’t understand my response. He pondered for a while, then raised his head as he found the answer. And said,

“Don’t you know how to play football? Let me teach you, it looks kinda complicated at first, but you’ll be charmed when you start playing.”

“No, it’s not kind of a thing you might be thinking of.”

Unfortunately, it was incorrect. He got more confused, and not making neither head nor tail of the reason. He asked me once more, keep wondering why.

“Then what? And what’s that beanie on your head on this hot summer?”

“I’ve got cancer.”

Something unpleasant simmered down from my intestine when I revealed my secret.

“Oh,”

“Yeah. The doctor said it’s called ‘Leukemia’.”

I reached my left arm and showed him the injection site. He was quite surprised and said with a trembling voice.

“I…I didn’t know that. I’m sorry for trying to suggest you go outside.”

“Never mind. Two years went by already, and I’m okay with that now.”

It was right. Two years have passed. 

I sometimes imagine, how my life would be changed if I was healthy enough to manage myself. I actually was a good student at school; getting good scores from tests, passionate member of the club; but suddenly, everything I’ve been building with passion and joy collapsed at once. I felt like I’ve got the death penalty to God.

Things keep got worse. At first it was just slight dizziness and done, but as time goes by, the symptoms got deteriorated. The doctor told us that it will be cured completely in a short period, but my battle against cancer is still now in progress.

“Can’t you walk, then?”

“Huh?”

Jack now leaned on the wall and started to speak again with a sedate tone.

“I mean, it’s not good for your health and your mind when you just stay in your room all day. You might not be intrigued but, only going outside can make you feel refreshed.”

I liked to go outside when I was healthy. I usually spend my time fishing on the lake all day, and I loved to watch the sunset sketching all the skies gold. But now I know it’s impossible. My head suffers from dizziness all day, Blood flows out from my gums, red spots swell up by one itch. I’m being harassed from pain even though I’m sitting still.

“What’s your hobby, then?”

Jack’s words wrecked my meditation and went straight to my ear.

“You must be very bored all day.”

“I liked to go fishing, but I don’t have one now. On boring days I usually just look out of the window, and think of sundry things.”

“Let’s go fishing together! I saw a lake near this cabin, so we could go there, maybe tomorrow.”

“Sorry, I can’t.”

“Why? This isn’t that energetic like football. Don’t you want to see a fish caught on your fishing line, flapping as autumn leaves? Or what about the lake? You haven’t seen it for two years. The sound of streaming water will be marvelous. Let’s dip our feet and feel the cool water flowing and passing by our toes. It will be much exciting than staying in bed all day.”

“I think it would be fun. But…I can’t. I’m too weak to do that. My head is dizzy all day and my gums are bleeding now, too. Day by day, I’m getting skinnier and becoming more scrawny. I feel I don’t have any muscles left in my body. I’m even getting tired of talking with you. What can I do with this body? It’s impossible.”

After listening to my reply, Jack said as if it is indeed,

“Well, maybe that’s because you’ve not tried it before.”

“What?”

“You can’t live your life forever stuck in this room. It’s a necessary process for you.”

“Yeah, well…”

“And in addition, isn’t it a compulsory thing to be conducted by cancer because you have it? If you want to, then come out. Let’s go fishing together.”

All of the sentences were right. But I was still afraid.

“I’ve tried. For months and years. But every time I attempt to stand up and live normally as other people do, I couldn’t hold on three minutes over. I’m scared of being bumped into fails.”

“Yeah, it is miserable, I know that.”

Jack put his hand on his forehead. And he closed his eyes, trying to recall the past.

“When I was in seventh grade, I had an opportunity to join the school football club. But on that days, I was not even able to pick up balls three times in a row. I loved playing football, but I was not good at it. Plus, having a game with great seniors made me lose confidence. I was really discouraged.”

Then he removed his hand from his forehead and clenched his fist.

“But I didn’t give up. It didn’t work out very well at the start, though. But when I tried to pick up the ball three times in a row, I made it, and with skills improved by practicing for the goal, I challenged to a higher level, five a row, and made it, and with more improved skills, now I can pick up hundreds of times a row.”

“And I assume that you will make it. As you struggle desperately to stand up, you will have better strength, and with better strength, you will struggle more, then much better strength is what you will have…” 

“Jack! Aunt Frannie says to come to have dinner!”

A kid was coming toward us, yelling Jack’s name. It looks like one of Jack’s cousins.

“Oops, gotta go. See ya tomorrow, I hope you break your frames.”

He turned around and ran toward his cousin, and got further and further from my window. Silence came again as nothing happened today, trying to wash away the conversations I’ve done with Jack.

Sun goes down to the horizon, and the night comes up from it. Today was getting tied up as the other day did normally. As I did the other day, I washed, cleaned my bed, and tugged myself into the bedsheet. Everything seemed the same from yesterday.

But there is one thing engraved on my mind:

‘I hope you break your frames.’

Roger that.