Forever

You saw him from afar.

White shirt. Sweatpants. Messy hair. His phone in his right hand. His left hand in his pocket.

No wonder you loved him. He is the definition of perfect in your eyes.

He took his eyes off his phone and noticed you. He slipped in his phone into his right pocket and jogged towards you.

He took a seat beside you. You inched away from him.

Too close, you thought.

You were fidgeting. Not knowing how to start off the conversation.

You took a deep breath.

"It's now or never," you mumbled.

He heard it. You knew it from the way his ears twitched.

"Just say it," you silently reminded yourself. You knew you'd regret it if you didn't.

The look in your face. The gaze you were giving him. He knew it was going to be something bad. He does not look that scared or does he already anticipated this to happen?

"I am saying this for your own good," you continued. You took another deep breath, this will not end well. You were shaking. He noticed it, but he didn't budge. Resentful? Grudge? You questioned what is going through his mind.

Both of you knew each other for god knows how long. The thing is, he is like a stranger to you. You and him are like magnet - south pole and north pole. A total opposite. People said, opposite attracts. But that does not seem to be the case for the both of you. You just can't seem to understand him. Was there something wrong with you? Or was it vice versa?

No- actually you were right this time. There was something wrong with you. You knew that he was toxic in your life but you kept on making excuses that he is the one. You just could not accept reality. You were bringing him down and he was breaking you apart.

"You and me. I think we should end this." You finally said it. Relief? Regret? You can't put any words to the emotion that you were feeling at that moment.

He was your everything after all.

Both of you just stayed there. Not a single word came out from you nor from him.

"Where did it go wrong?" he asked. You didn't heard him. You were way deep into your memories. You can't seem to remember where did you guys first met. Was it at a cafe? Or was it at the school library? Maybe at the park?

You laughed. Did you hate him so much that you can't seem to remember any memories about him?

"Do you remember the time that we first met, Jake?"

He didn't answer.

Did he really forgot about it? Or was it an act. But you didn't bother about it.

"Do you want to know when did I started to have these kind of thoughts?" You finally looked him into his eyes.

Blue.

The color of his eyes. The only thing that you still love about him.

"After a few months knowing you. I knew you were toxic to me. You don't seem to care about me. Sometimes, you would disappear without any notice." You were crying. You felt hurt, you felt betrayed. All those emotions are coming to you at once.

"I was desperate for your attention. So I acted like you. I became more and more like you. I would't care about you. I would also disappear from time to time. Hoping you would reach out to me."

He nodded.

"Now, I don't even know who I am anymore. I don't know who I was before I turn just like you, Jake. I hate this. I hate knowing that I am becoming you. I hate you because of what you did to me but now, I did it to you too."

"But I stayed with you. Four years. Four years of fake love and fake affection. We argue more. We kept on making excuses. We both know that we are not meant for each other. Too many signs. But we ignored it." You stopped crying. You didn't noticed that you were shouting. You were hitting him but he didn't do anything.

You were mentally and physically tired. You sighed. You can't seem to think straight now. So, you left him there.

"Why does it feels so right when I knew it was wrong?" You stopped in track. You didn't face him but he knew you were listening. "Does true love really exist?" He paused. "I don't really think so. You will either be too bad for your partner or too good for your partner. There is no in between," he continued.

True love. It sounds so pure and it sounds so fake.

"It is so funny how you thought that the person by your side would be the one, when in the end they were just someone passing by." You add on.

He walked towards you and stood right in front of you. You didn't look up this time.

"I really thought that you would be my forever, Emma."

How cliche.

He grabbed your shoulder, urging you to look at him. "One more chance?"

You can hear his voice trailing off. You knew he was sincere this time. Maybe he will change, you thought to yourself.

"We can fix this, together. You and me."

He took a step forward. You had no choice but to face him.

Tears.

You saw tears in his eyes. Was the thought of you leaving him really aches him? Or was the thought of him being alone with no one by his side that scares him?

But, you had already made up your mind. You don't love him anymore. You just love the thought of him being there in your life. You feel reassured, knowing that there is someone there by your side.

You don't want to hurt him anymore. You don't want to hurt yourself too.

"I'm sorry," you took a step back from him.

You knew that this cycle will repeat. If you did gave him another chance, either you or him will ruin it. Both of you are bad news for each other.

"You know that we won't work out, Jack. Why are we still clinging onto nothing? We should stop this before it gets any worse."

"But you promised, Emma. You promised that we will be together, forever." You can see that he is still hoping, hoping you would change your mind.

"And promises are meant to be broken." You looked away.

He smiled, not intending to listen anymore. He turned his back and head on his way. He turned his head to look at you. You gave him a smile. The realest smile that you can give. Were you relieved? Were you sad? You don't know anymore. The only thing you knew was, that the boy you planned your future together, might not turn into your forever.