Between Dream and Reality

I had a love-hate relationship with school reunions. On the one hand, they allowed me to catch up with my best friend Amanda since we lived across the world from each other. On the other hand, middle school sucked, and I was in no hurry to meet the idiots who made it so. Yet here I was, fifteen years later, stuck between Hotshot Andrew and Lofty Alice. They hadn’t changed a bit.

“So, tell me, Zoe…”

The way Alice said my name, making it sound like ‘zoo’, raised my hackles, but I returned her sly stare with a crooked smile. I’d be damned if I let her get under my skin.

Undeterred, she went on. “How is the library work going? Still sorting out and placing books on the shelves?”

Keep calm. If you kill her, there’ll be too many witnesses to deal with. “How would people find them otherwise?”

“Don’t the French order online and get them from you at the desk? Or do you not have that kind of service there yet?”

“You know how it is. We still use pens, paper, and the dreadful index cards.” I said it with a straight face and relished in the flash of uncertainty in her eyes. It didn’t last.

“Yes, backward countries are a PITA. It must be difficult for you.”

I took a sip of soda to collect my thoughts. It also kept my hands off her neck. Amanda had been whisked away by her boyfriend and wouldn’t come to my rescue, so I scanned the room for an excuse to leave the bar without losing face. That was when I noticed him. Him being Nathaniel Williams, my secret middle school crush. I always had a soft spot for his quiet demeanor and the fact that he spent as much time at the library as I did. On a more physical level, his eyes—eyes of such a pale blue shade, they veered towards grey—drew me in every time.

He wore tinted glasses as he walked in, but I had spent so many hours sketching his face, the almond shape and hypnotic shade were carved on my mind. My fingers itched to run through the light blond curls spilling over his shoulders. His sturdy frame didn’t have a hint of overdone beefy muscles—always a plus, in my mind. Not to mention his ‘eyes in the stars but head on the shoulders’ attitude. What was not to like? A click of the tongue from Alice brought me back to reality. Her smirk didn’t bode well.

“Look who’s here! Hey, Nate! How are you?” Alice waved and beckoned him over, and my hair slid around my face as I stared at my glass. The perfect cover to hide the flush in my cheeks. “You haven’t changed.”

Eyes scanning the room, he joined us. “Hey.”

It was only one word, but the velvety soft sound of Nathaniel’s voice sent my heart into a frenzy. Hope springs eternal, as they say, and his presence reawakened the sentimental teenager I thought I’d locked away.

Andrew held a hand out to shake his. “What’s the new thing over your glasses?”

“A bioptic telescope.”

“Does it help you see better?” I flinched at the sound of my voice, and Nathaniel’s puzzled glance made me want to hide under the table.

Not one to let the spotlights move away from her, Alice outdid herself. “Cooler than the old eyepatch. Can you see through walls with it?”

Why couldn’t she grow up and stop with the snide comments? Hadn't she given him enough flak for his albinism in the past? My fingers squeezed the cup until soda ran down the sides. Bitch. Nathaniel ignored her jab with the jaded look of one who had heard it all.

“It’s a telescope, Alice, not a doppler radar.”

Alice dropped the subject with a frown. For once, she didn’t have a ready retort. “Spoilsport. Grab a drink and let’s catch up. Haven’t seen you here in years. Where have you been?” She changed tactics and rubbed her arm against his.

It took all my self-control to refrain from rearranging her perfect teeth. Oblivious, she poured Nathaniel a gin. He left it in her hand and helped himself to a glass of orange juice instead.

Her lips puckered. “You still don’t drink?”

“I still don’t drink.”

Nathaniel’s calm, even tone pulled my head up from its hiding place. He’d removed his glasses and, as they had in the past, his eyes drew me in. I caught myself smiling at him. It only lasted until Alice found a way to make him twitch.

“You know you’re not your father, right?” she asked.

In the heavy silence that followed, eager to transform Nathaniel’s scowl, my mouth bypassed my brain. “There’s a stargazing event at the observatory tomorrow evening. Would you like to come with me?” I asked him. My brain caught up when Andrew scoffed, but it was too late to stop now. You only live once, right? “I won two tickets for Saturday night. If… you’re erm… not busy.”

Nathaniel perked up at my words and, even if his scowl remained, his voice lost its monotone. “The night sky party?”

“Yeah. You interested?”

His hand came to rest on my elbow while he offered a curt nod to Andrew and Alice. “If you’ll excuse us…” Without waiting for an answer, he led me towards the appetizer table. “Thanks for the rescue. Maybe we should start with introductions, I’m Nathaniel Williams.”

Introductions? My mind fumbled to keep the illusion intact, but the thought niggled: had he forgotten my name? “Do you want more orange juice?”

“I’m okay, thank you. Can I get you something, hem…?”

“Nah, I’m fine thanks. So… I do have two reservations. But if you don’t like the observatory anymore, no big deal… I just thought you might.” Yes, head in the sand all the way.

“How do you know I like the observatory?”

My heart stopped trying to pound its way out of my chest and sunk into my stomach instead. Did he not remember me at all? Had I not been sitting down, I might have lurched.

“You told me during our school trip in eighth grade.” I swallowed into a dry throat and hurried to hide behind my hair again. The bottom of my glass was fascinating. “It’s been a long time, and I think we only spoke twice. Stupid of me to assume you’d remember, sorry.”

“Please, don’t be… It’s my fault. I should have.”

His hand caught mine when I stopped scrunching up my paper napkin, the touch so soft, I dared a peek through my long bangs. The way he stared at my fingers made me want to lace them with his, but I refrained. I’d made enough of a fool of myself.

“Truth is, my middle school years are a blur. Too busy taking care of my brother and sister and keeping the peace at home to pay attention to what was right under my nose at school. I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay, I was never memorable. Dull hair, no body shape, no personality, shy as hell…. The whole boring package. Oh, erm… I’m Zoe Peterson. Dull name, too.” I chuckled, self-deprecation jumping ahead of a potential mention of him not remembering my name either.

“I like it.”

“You like what?”

“Your name. Zoe… ‘Life’ in Greek. You can hide behind your hair, but you can’t hide the kind soul that lights your eyes.”

My breath caught in my chest, and my brain turned to mush. “That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me. To think I wasn’t going to come tonight.”

“Truth be told, I almost didn’t come either. Haven’t returned since I moved out of state and haven’t missed it. I finally found people who appreciate me for who I am instead of disparaging my looks.”

“I like your looks.” Obviously, my mouth didn’t think it had made enough of a fool of me yet.

A faint smile curved a corner of his lips, and pale eyes bore into mine. “You must be the only one. Good thing we both came. I’d have missed out on getting to know you, otherwise. What time should I pick you up tomorrow?”

It took me a full minute to answer. If this is a dream, please don’t wake me. “Is 8 pm okay for you?”

“Sure is.” He glanced around the room before his gaze stopped on the nearest window, wistful. “They’ll be chatting a while. How about a walk before they start the speeches and the music?”

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

We walked out of the lunchroom side by side, close enough for our arms to brush against each other. The hair on my skin bristled in anticipation. Alice frowned at me as we passed by. I winked at her in return. Puerile as it may have been, I couldn’t help myself. We strolled past the parking lot and reached the playground before either of us said a word. The kids were treated to a full jungle gym with a slide, acrobat bars, a fort, a covered play deck, and climbing apparatus. Lucky them. All we had in my days were a metal spider and two basketball hoops.

Nathaniel was the first to break the silence as we stood side by side with our backs against the climbing net. The sun had donned a fiery mantle to flirt with the horizon.

“What have you been up to?” he asked.

“Oh, well… with my love of books, I could only become a librarian. Are you an astronaut?”

He turned his head my way, and the breath from his laughter caressed my ear. Eyes closed, I fought to keep the delightful shivers it triggered from being too obvious.

“Nah, I studied forensic anthropology. I love my job at the lab, no regrets about not becoming an astronaut. But I’m amazed you remember.”

“Well, I erm… have an excellent memory.”

How did I explain, without sounding like a pervert, that I had such a crush on him in seventh and eighth grades, I followed his every move from afar while dreaming of the day I’d have the courage to tell him?

“I wish I remembered something about you. Tell me something.”

“Don’t worry about it. Lyncrest is a big school. Let’s see… My mother is French, and my parents moved the family to France at the end of eighth grade.”

“That’s too bad. I think if we were together in High School, I would have remembered you. After my father died, things became… easier.” I opened my mouth to ask him what happened, but he filled the brief silence before I could. “Tell me something else. It feels like I’m missing vital information.”

“Must be irritating for a criminalist.” He chuckled, and my dread of saying something stupid evaporated. “Okay… Let me help then. I always had my nose in a book. Team sports were my bane. I wore glasses too, thick ugly glasses that kept sliding down my nose. Alice and her gang of harpies liked to make fun of that.”

“Poking fun at people was their specialty.”

“I remember they made fun of you too.”

The nonchalance in his shrug couldn’t hide the hurt the hellions’ words had left behind. It was in the tightness of his voice and in the way he shook his head when he closed his eyes. “Yeah, I often wanted to punch them.”

“Me too. Anyway… let’s not ruin such a beautiful evening with memories of them. They’re not worth it. Gorgeous sunset. Does it hurt your eyes? I remember sunlight wasn’t good for you.”

“It isn’t comfortable, but I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

His hand brushed mine, tentative, so I pressed my knuckles into his palm in encouragement. Like bashful kids, we stood hand in hand, staring at the horizon while the sun displayed its finest colors. My head leaned against his arm of its own accord. If I snuggled closer, it would be on his breast. Perfect fit.

We missed the speech from the president of the Alumni Association, but it didn’t matter. As the sun went down, something slid into place inside me, like the last piece of a puzzle finding its spot.

“Would it sound crazy if I said that, despite not remembering you, I feel like I’ve known you my whole life?” he said, echoing my thoughts. “Don’t get me wrong. The last thing I want is to sound like I’m pulling a fast one on you. Not my style. It’s one of those moments I can’t explain.”

“I know what you mean.”

“When are you going home?”

A ball of dread settled in my chest at the mention of home. It squeezed the air out of my lungs until I had to fight it to keep breathing.

“Two weeks. You?”

“On Sunday. How about we make a date of tomorrow? Early dinner before the sky viewing?”

“Awesome idea. Yeah, I’d love that.”

His fingers trailed up my bare arm in slow motion, leaving a stream of goosebumps in their wake. My eyes caught his overhead, and I lost myself in the light dancing in them. The need to taste his lips grew. I curbed it. Kissing on a first date was negotiable, but kissing before dating? Not so much. Once again, my mouth found the perfect solution.

“Maybe we should call this a date too?” it said.

His hand squeezed mine, the only thing that kept me from bolting. “Great minds think alike.”

To say I was relieved would be an understatement. Funny how worry over losing something you never had could cause such a panic. One thing was certain: if I stayed in my shell, if I went home without at least hinting at my feelings, I would regret it forever.

And if it doesn’t work out, you’ll lose your illusions, and you’ll get hurt. Won’t you regret that forever too?

I almost listened to my inner pessimist, the one who’d rather live in dreams than face a world in which she didn’t recognize herself. But perhaps it was time to give the world a whirl. Maybe it only gave back what you put in, and what had I put in so far?

Before my brain tried to convince me otherwise, I let my heart do the talking. I couldn’t keep living in a fictional past. “I can’t wait to watch the stars with you tomorrow,” I said. My hair sheltered me as I looked at my feet again, but I forced the words out. Baby steps. “Ever since you said you wanted to walk among the stars, I’ve been thinking of it. When I won those tickets, I almost gave them away, though.”

“I’m glad you didn’t.”

“Me too. I mean, I don’t believe in fate, but it was like someone was whispering in my ears to keep them. Then tonight, well… it’s like it was meant to happen.”

He was silent for so long, I dared to look up from my shoelaces. Was I reading too much into his smiling face? “You had long hair braided down to your lower back. You liked to stick the braid in the hole of your baseball cap.”

A smile bloomed on my lips. “Yeah.”

“I’m sure more will come now that I remember your hair.”

“Yeah, it became popular after Alice’s sidekick cut it above the hairband. But let’s talk about something more pleasant.”

“Talk?”

I found myself face to face with him, though I couldn’t say which one of us moved first. His lips hovered above mine, close enough their warmth tickled my skin. A slight lean forward was enough to brush them, and electricity ran through me.

He sampled my upper lip, lingering as if he couldn’t resign himself to pull away. My hands fisted on the back of his shirt when he fluttered over the lower one. With a husky moan, he slid his palms up my arms to frame my face. His words left tremors on my mouth as he spoke.

“Would you consider a few days in New York? If I’m not swamped with work, I can show you around. I realize it’s not ideal.”

My heart leaped against my chest at the thought. “A stolen hour here and there is better than nothing. We can meet when you have a break or something.”

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes.”

Soft music filtered from the party room, but we didn’t miss the first song. Glued together as we were, it didn’t take long for the slow rhythm to make us sway and twist in an unhurried dance. With a groan, he buried his face in my hair, and I melted against him, our bodies a perfect fit. The tempo at the party changed, but we followed our own music.

School reunions weren’t so bad, after all.