"I also like girls," you said while staring bluntly at the almost forgotten macchiato in front of you. It was past two in the afternoon. You are in the usual coffee shop. With the usual macchiato you got. This is what you always order all the time. You said this is your favorite but the truth is... you are just frightened to admit that you are afraid to try a new one.
You are sitting next to the girl who you admire greatly. Just the mere thought of her makes your heart beat fast. You throw your eyes away, wanting to escape from the intensity of her stares.
You felt the sudden movement of the chair in front. You would be a hypocrite if you will not admit that you are terrified. Your palms are as sweaty as hell. You are absolutely scared to death.
You made your eyes occupied with the ambiance. Mixture of fear and excitement drove you the moment your eyes landed on the lady in front. You immediately withdraw your look but it does not lessen the racing of your heart. Saying she is beautiful would be an understatement. You remembered the first time you met, wearing the usual shirt and jeans. She was sitting on the sofa next to her parents, smiling widely while her eyes are twinkling in gladness, very much happy to see you.
A small hot tear escaped your eye; without looking at her, you felt how intense her stares are. "Are you out of your mind?" she said in a disgusted and almost whispered voice. She searched for your eyes, and you are happy to see her hazel eyes but hoped that you just did not got a chance to see it at all...
You were staring at the cup almost empty in front of you. It was your third cup for this day. These past few days, days seemed to be too fast. You wake up, work and sleep at night, wake up the next morning, work and sleep and do the same routine over and over again. You occupied yourself with tons of paper works, may it be from work or Masters, but still, end up with a huge hallow from within.
You were shocked when the snoring man beside you spoke in a hoarse voice, "Why don't you just spend the night here?" he said while caressing your fingertips. You just finished working with your thesis. You did not notice that you stared at nothing for so long that Blaze finished his power nap already. He was also exhausted from work but you both decided to see each other and do both your errands on his house, because you feel a sense of responsibility of doing that. It is almost ten in the evening, so you being yourself, just nodded like a puppy; like the usual.
You stand up to fix some stuff when you felt Blaze's hand wondering on your waist. You remained calm and rational. He kept caressing your back until it got closer and closer in between. For years of being together, Blaze is usually touchy, but you are afraid about where this would be heading tonight and you are not on the right state. "Your hand," you said without looking at him. He immediately removed his sinful hands and swiftly pecked on your lips.
You have been together for five years now. He courted you for god-knows-how-long years, and you finally nodded when you felt his sincerity. "So we are official?" he said in a very wide beam. You nodded as he hugged you very tight. That was the most beautiful smile you had ever seen in your entire existence... which was soon changed when you had met someone that confused your entirety, your sanity, your heart. She was a mixed of paradox, an analogy that you will be glad to figure out; but she was complicated. And you hate any form of complication.
Blaze held your hand when he noticed your nervousness. You saw his parents very glad to meet you, you noticed a lady prolly two or three years older than you. She was smiling widely while her eyes are twinkling in gladness, very much happy to see you. "My mom, this is my dad, and here's my sister." Blaze said as he point out who is who, but his words suddenly became meaningless. You shook your head to stop staring at her, rather you decided to smile as sweet as possible as you held his hand tighter.
You would say that Blaze is sweet and very fun to be with, he understands you all the time even more than you understand yourself. The very reason why you are still together. It is comfortable. It is what you are used to. It is your norm, no complication involved. You painfully smiled with that thought. "Okay! I will text tita!" he said cheerfully as he went inside.
"Claire..." you called for her when you noticed that she is about to leave the table. You noticed how her eyes are full of dismayed. "This talking will lead us nowhere, Pat," she said looking straightly into your eyes. "What does your texts mean, your hugs, the way you care, the way you smile... I know it's---" she cut you off when a tear rolled down her eye.
"Patricia! Look..." she said with eyes almost crying. "I like you, but that is as my brother's girlfriend. Not anything more than that. So please... shake that off," she said while leaving away.
In your twenty three years of existence this is the very first time someone commanded you to shake your feelings off. You had been keeping your real feelings in the closet for so long but this is the first time someone asked you to do that, it felt... bizarre. Being asked to do something you have already been doing for years, yet no one seemed to notice nor appreciate.
An arm wrapped around your shoulder and a peck landed on your cheeks. "Sorry late. I love you!" Blaze said as he went to the chair where his sister had been sitting earlier. You smiled widely and uttered the words that shattered your entirety, "Ditto! The usual macchiato for me, my love."