BE NEGATIVE

I reclined in my chair and stared blankly plain white roof of the diagnostics center. It was our second trip to the center, the first time was terrifying. I drove past the center four times before I summoned the courage to drive through its gates. 

I’d never been to a diagnostics center in my life, hell, I’d never even been in a hospital. All my life, my health challenges had been solved with easily-procured over-the-counter medication at pharmacies, so this was a first for me on multiple levels.

“How can I help you today?” the receptionist asked with a bright smile. Sophie and I looked at each other and then back at the receptionist. I expected Sophie to do the talking since she asked to have the test done, but when she said nothing for what seemed to me like minutes, I spoke on our behalf.

As I said the words, I searched the receptionist's face but there was no reaction. That was good enough to quell my worries. For me, it meant people asked for tests like these every day.

She said, “I need you to fill out this form and make these payments and then the test will be conducted. It’s a very simple process, we should be done taking the samples we need in minutes. Once that is done, you will have to return in 2 days for the result of the test because we have a backlog of tests.” She handed us the form and motioned us to the door across from her that led to the room designated as the waiting area.

Sophie filled the form. I didn’t bother taking a look at it. In that moment, all I wanted was to get it over with and move on with my life. I eagerly hoped the test would come out negative. I believed I was still too young to be burdened with the consequences that would come with a positive result. I’d just hit a personal milestone at work and I was just starting to enjoy the freedom of having an apartment to myself. A positive result had no place in my vision for my future, short-term and long-term.

“What name should I use?” Sophie asked without turning to me. I heard the words, but I ignored it. “What name should I use?” she asked again. This time she turned her face towards me but she kept her eyes glued to the form. She had been avoiding eye contact since I picked her up earlier that day. 

“Don’t you have a name?” I answered.

“I thought you agreed to say we’re married to avoid looks and questions?”

I scoffed. “If you know that, you need not ask stupid questions.” I turned my body away from her, There is a lot riding on this, I thought to myself, if I can’t stand her now, what will I do if this doesn’t go my way?

Sophie filled up the form and after I made the necessary payments, we were ushered into a lab where her body fluids were collected for testing. 

The lab was the highlight of my visit to the diagnostics center, there was so much to see and they all brought back all sorts of great memories. It had been a while since I’d been in a lab, the last time was back in college. After graduating, I changed my career path and decided to pursue Investment Banking. After that decision I turned away from labs and never looked back. 

***

“Don’t ever talk to me like that again.” She said, as I drove her back to the apartment she shared with her friends. 

“What did you say?” I asked, mildly irritated. 

“I said you should never speak to me in that manner again. I will not be disrespected.” She added, matter-of-factly, “You are just as responsible for this as I am. Our circumstance doesn’t give you the right to disrespect me.”

I chuckled. “You really are delusional.”

***

The two days it took before we received the result were harrowing. I couldn’t concentrate on anything. Whenever my phone made any sound it startled me, and once the screen came to life I searched it frantically for news. Had she gotten the result early? Was the test negative? Was I finally off the hook? Could I move on with my life? I woke up to all sorts of thoughts and questions each morning and I had to drink myself to sleep at night. 

I’d experienced firsthand the impact situations such as these could have on the lives of those involved, hence my worry for my future. The birth of my youngest sister had taken a toll on the entire family. The hospital bills crippled my father financially and we all suffered because of it. 

As I sat in the waiting room and prayed for a negative test result, I remembered the days when my family had to skip lunch on consecutive days just to make money available for baby food. I remembered multiple occasions when I had to cuddle the baby in the middle of the night after my mother abandoned it in the room I shared with my siblings, if she didn’t stop crying there was no way we would get any sleep. I remembered walking miles with my brothers and my father to the food bank to get some cans of food and some baby supplies. On one occasion, my sandal tore and I had to cover the rest of the journey through the arid terrain with one foot bare. It took a week before my wounds healed enough for me to limp around the house and complete my backlog of chores.

One evening, neck deep in frustration after my father punished me for being cruel to my bratty 5 year old sister, I decided I’d had enough. It had been 5 long years of suffering and there was no hope on the horizon. I’d asked my father to let me return to work earlier that week but he refused to grant me permission. I asked him why, my job paid well enough and I was making enough on the side to raise my daily take-home pay significantly. Why wouldn’t he let me work? He said I was too young, he said the owners were exploiting me, “You’re being used like an ass and being paid like a slave, I won’t let no son of mine suffer such. Never!” he said, ignoring the fact that the daily figures I reported were significantly higher than my official salary.

After numerous confrontations through the week, smacking my sister broke the camel’s back. He decreed that I would be responsible for all the chores in the house for 7 days, and for some reason, as if they’d agreed to it without my knowledge, my family was unusually untidy that week. I toiled all day long, every day. By the fourth day, I’d had enough. I packed my few belongings and left the house, never to return.

I ran to my boss at my former place of work and he offered me another job in a neighboring city. He didn’t know anything about my side deals, so he thought he was getting cheap labor and he couldn’t resist. By sunrise the following day, I was on a truck headed out of town. I was on course to a meeting with my destiny.

I didn’t leave all that behind to come to this. 

***

I exhaled loudly and adjusted myself in my chair. It was the same one I sat on the first time we were at the center. I surveyed the room and as I did, I locked eyes with the receptionist. She was attractive, just the type of girl I would approach on a night out in town. She flashed me a smile and I smiled back. Was it a sign? Was she trying to communicate something to me?

As those thoughts floated through my mind, Sophie exited the door that led to the lab. I locked my eyes to her face as I rose to my feet. I had only one hope and only one prayer. In a few seconds, my future would be decided. 

Was I off the hook? Or would I be having a baby with a college lab-partner who had her way with me while I was drunk out of my mind?