Loser

It was freezing cold as if the air itself had frozen till crypt. Thomas sat on a wooden bench as took a sip of his favourite burning hot espresso. Despite the age he’s struggling within, he yet has the guts to take upon this nature along with espresso, but who could not, when this is the day they promised long ago. He took another sip of that burning espresso, but this time the dream pulled him beneath till the old memories can still be enjoyed. 

It was long when life was hard, but unlike now when death did not want him inside the grave. Thomas wandered in the school corridor unknown to his destination and known to just humiliation. Maybe it was this period who resulted in him as an arrogant, but who could have explained the meaning to a twelve-year-old Thomas. However, this was one time he still could be happy with his childhood friend, Sasha. Sasha stayed beside him even after the death of his parents, she stood right next to him even after the bully bullied him and even after when he said he hated her from the bottom of his heart. She stood right beside him knowing that was a lie, and just because of her, he somehow reaches the high school, and yet, they still have to be apart from each other. It was pretty obvious, her parents did not want her to be with him, after all, Thomas was not wealthy enough after his parents died in a car accident, moreover, he was not kind who wanted to kick higher even if it meant his victory.

It was snowing as the night darkens to perform a show before stars. It was the last train, yet, they slept together beneath a warm blanket under a torn house, naked. It might be pretty childish, but little they know the destination of each other. She wanted to run with him, far from this world and reach new stars above in the sky so high and still, Thomas declined. ‘I can’t. I’m not strong enough to be there, I’m just not.’ Those words hurt her heart more than what it takes to give birth. It was simply cruel. But for whom? That remained a mystery. She spun and left for that train covered in snow and headed for that place she called home, and yet, before, they shared a kiss filled with the taste of love and farewell. Sasha remembered that taste until her marriage gave her new life with the blessing from her parents. She was happy. She meant to be happy.

It was just that period when Thomas went into his last year of high school after falling behind two years. He lived as no other than a thug, he fought, he smoked those ten of cigarettes, he once loved and that haunted till even now. It was cruel for him after that invitation to the wedding was in front of his doors. Sasha got married. Those letters crumbled his heart even more, and yet, somehow, he was able to smile, a little at least. The days turn into what of just hours of living, to see tomorrow. That was all he wanted until that day comes when life reaches till today. 

He opens those old and wrinkles’ eyes. Cold as it was, he yet just waited for that person who changed what a little he had left into something far greater. It was then, he closed those old and wrinkles’ eyes again and recalled that simple person as embraced by a tiny smile. ‘Jarrison!’ A name a student called to help into his homework and just by that second Thomas went by. He was no height as them, he was bulky and surely strong. After all, he was way senior to them, and despite his marks were good enough to rival that of Jarrison, it might because he punished himself, regarding when he left Sasha behind in the cage of despair. It was because he couldn’t able to be better and rather trying, he decided to left all that behind.

'Jarrison?’ Yet again called a student to Jarrison while eyes of his stuck upon that figure who walked by, but as then woke with the echo ringing in ears to reconsider the help of a student who was as well his friend. ‘Thomas, huh?’ Jarrison that day came to know the name of that person who was the reason for his nights’ hardship studies. Jarrison hates to lose. Yet that man who was no good up until this period came to haunt him till the day arrives and have to leave those sweets nights as like nightmares. Jarrison, a gifted lad they called, after all, born in a wealthy family, raised with manners and serves as a genius. Jarrison has everything a high schooler wanted, being popular, good at most, having a bright as sun future. Who doesn't want that? Jarrison was the answer. Lived with a family considered rich in the whole district. He eventually came to be known as a lad who couldn't live without the gifts given by gods in his pockets. He was rich. Others came to know him just as that even after thousands of hours he shed in the pit of tiredness to reach where now he stands, yet in that agony, there was one person he admires because only that person sees his ability to aim higher even its means defeat, Ms Tina. She was his tutor, come by every day and sees his hard work with her pure eyes, she was pleasant, she was kind, but more grandly, she was beautiful as a goddess. No matter the distance between them, he somehow fell for that woman, despite it was unrequited, he loved her with just love and nothing else. However, little he knows, fate was not kind as it was when he born.

It was a dark and snowy night, but he couldn’t know more because they had a part in a room and unknown to the world lay outside, but she just tutors him with utmost confidence, knowing this lad will aim higher. ‘So, here’s the next lesson.’ She said with that same confidence, but Jarrison was no in no desire to fall after reaching here as like he was on a train that going to crash anytime soon. He trembled, even more than he could imagine or feel. While she sat and spoke like a teacher who has the will to surpass any other student out there with this simple one spear of hers. She continued, but Jarrison couldn’t hear anymore. She continued, but Jarrison can not understand anymore. She continued, but Jarrison does know one thing for sure. It was love. He raised his voice to speak from the bottom of his heart. ‘Teacher, I…’ 

     ‘This is our last lesson, so listen well.’ She overlapped her words and closed the book to look straight in those pupils hidden within his eyes. It was just then her expression came to reveal the truth behind his feelings. ‘What?’ He said but no reply was given. Jarrison swirled those eyes of his upon to her lips and then to her eyes. He felt sorrow flooding. ‘You knew…’ He just then understood, she was a teacher for no joke but knew him from his core, more than his parents, more than his friends, and even more than himself. She knows the most. His eyes somehow did not shed tears, despite the crybaby he was, while she just sat, confront the feelings even though it meant her pride. ‘I guess, this is the farewell then…’ Jarrison said and then stood as precisely walked away, leaving the room and her alone. It seems like the end. Or was it? He walked as if his soul was withering upon the bottoms, he just wanted to close his eyes but after doing, the flood of her smile as if demolishes his head, he then opens them, but they were different, they were nice. He ran to that room where he left her in sombre and open the door as like hasten one, but there was no one, just the instant the immense ache hurt his heart and yet, he ran again like never before, towards the main door to this house, he opens and saw her leaving, walking calmly, but he did not know whether it was calm or something else, he doesn’t see her face after that moment, but sure yelled. ‘I ADORE YOU!’ He yells yet tears did not leave him in the least. ‘I adore you from the depths of my heart, and will, forever.’ It was the last words given to someone he loved but she did not reel but just walked, he loved her from bottom of his heart and will never regret it. That’s how it is, and that’s how it's supposed to be, even if this moment lasts just a few seconds and never came back again, he remembers till the grave.

That was his first and maybe last love and so he walked upon days and just waited to see tomorrow to reach the day to meet him. He hated him, after all, he was the one who pushed him to work harder than it supposed to be, harder than it should, harder than any time of period. ‘Okay class, we are having table changes for upcoming exams.’ The teacher Dan said to make sure, and so others followed the instruction, they were given lottery tickets but that sure was a hoax upon the student and became certain after the two came next to each other. Jarrison and Thomas sat next to each other. Just a simple trick to fool, but who could have known it will change the flow of air, it would change the lives of two.

Thomas and Jarrison sat next to each other. One with bitter teeth while another just gawked from the window outside, seeing the student, others, happy. The bells of afternoon rang and so everyone decided to leave and enjoy the free period they were given, but the two didn't. Thomas yet just gawked while another lunched with proper manners, it was quite amusing, his so-called friends weren't there, but they sure were gossiping behind with ease, they named the so-called friends for nothing, though. Although contempt he had within his soul against one he sat next to, Jarrison yet eats as like normal person would, just like a normal person, or so he thought, but he crumbles, growls and just gawked like Thomas has demanded his kidneys and soon turn Thomas to the one human sat next to, and who looked no less than a hungry troglodyte, glaring at him. 'What?' After deep a thought, he said as with the tone of a thug, but it was sudden for Jarrison, he wasn't conscious enough to consider this appearance of his. 'What?!" Jarrison replied as natural. However, moments just then came in dead silence seconds and continued by Thomas standing from his chair to gape inside Jarrison pupils, he was itching for the answer. 'Let's go to the roof.' Thomas said and because it happens to be very irritating for someone to glare at him always, all the time, with despise and so they went with silence along the detour. It was a brighter sky than usual because it was a pure sunny afternoon, but clouds sure were there, they sure hid those rays of the sun for a moment to moment as one cloud hid those rays for that instant to take that action for him, Thomas says. 'What do you want?' They stood before each other, but Jarrison was now in no mood to turn back, after all, the lad before was the reason for his hardship and wall between his dreams. 'You are the reason.' Said Jarrison unknown to a proper answer, yet led confusion of Thomas to utter, to make him continue with the questions. 'Just what do you want?' It was to the point and very durable question, the one Jarrison might not hold the answer to, but he still chose to continue. 'I hate you.' Not with rounds thread but with clear words, once for all. 'Oh,' Thomas said to proceed further. 'Then, what?' Jarrison went unknown and gazed at the lad before, but then he sat, crossed leg of his, and lowered his head, just stared at those old shoes of his. 'I do have a dream, but corrupted by you.' Just then, he changes that tone to something far nicer than before and then tells the story of the past, the day time passed and the old memories kept leaving him as like never before. It was that instant, Thomas, knew. They were the same. They were the same even after living in a world that can't even be compared, yet they are somehow broken by some random romance, unrelated, yet as they live in each other's soul, just when the tale of his last ends, Thomas continued with his one, the cruel for him one and those moments left them in silence while hanging horizon sun at the goodbye day just as the dusk covered and moon received the order to shine. Moments went mute after they had nothing left inside that teenager's heart of them. They felt at ease like their hearts were above so high like a star. 'Hmm…' Then Jarrison realised what normal would have a long period ago. 'We are sore losers, messed by some trashy love?' 

     'Yeah, we sure are…' Thomas replied with no hesitation at all and Jarrison continued as he just sees the last wink of sun. 'Let's bet,' The last sentence Jarrison released and Thomas listened. 'Who will become a bigger loser.' It was the moment they will part and will, sure will, find a new destiny than before, Thomas came to know that just that second and exactly wanted that. An equal. 

The freezing air thickens even more while Thomas, while the espresso was next to his lips but just then for some reason, he whirled those wrinkles' eyes yet again and saw a figure, walking slowly as a snail but sure wasn't giving up, Thomas smiled and filled that face with wrinkles' even more, he just stared known to no words but just alive to those eyes gapes. The figure steps closer and closer, even more, more to just stand right next to him, his smile got even larger, and just gawked at that figure with that same smile and fondness. 'Let's go.' That figure said, calmly. 'No, umm… I'm waiting for a… friend.' Thomas replied, hesitant. 'He isn't coming.' The figure said. 'Dead don't come back.' Yes, deads don't come back, and Jarrison Parker was no different, after all, it was when Thomas reached the higher levels in his business career, Jarrison fought for that life he had remained by finger counts, the doctors say, 'Jarrison fought till to the end.' But what can he do when his heart doesn't want to bear more burdens, Thomas doesn't even know when life was swept away from his equal. Jarrison left Thomas alone. The figure reminded, and just then says. 'However,' He took a pure silence before departing those words. 'I will take you there, so, do you desire?' Thomas calmly spun his head and just gawked at this fancy figure, who was in whole black and nothing else. 'Can you?' He asked. 'Yes, I sure can.' The black figure said utterly. 'Then, please.' Thomas said, therefore, he felt a little pain that second but never again, he never felt pain again. It was just because he does not desire anymore. He walked beside that black figure as the others joined him. They say, others waited for him in the gats, they sure did.