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Funny Drama

This story contains themes or mentions of suicide or self harm.

Alert! The innocent citizens of Hypercity watch in total awe as entire buildings are reduced to ashes by the building-demolishing laser beams of Dr. Odysseus and his giant robot. But a noble and handsome hero heroically appears to stop the destruction. From Patagonia, comes flying the incredible (drum roll) Captain Infinity!

—It’s me —said the handsome hero—, the incredible Captain Infinity. I’ve come to stop you and your robot, Dr. Odysseus.

—I don’t think so “Underoos” —respond the villain grinning—. Nothing can stop my thirst for revenge against those who stole the glory of my Nobel Prize! Mwa, ha, ha, ha, ha.

—Nobel Prize? Then you’re not just any mad scientist, you have goals.

—I had goals. —The air itself began to vibrate around the Doctor, like ripples on water; a clear sign that we are seeing a flashback—. I was the greatest scientist in Laser-beamology. My invention, the building-demolishing ray, was going to be the most revolutionary invention in history! But those fools on the committee, they denied me the opportunity; ridiculed me and destroyed my prototypes; they took away my life’s work… And now you will see the extent of my revenge, thanks to my new robot! Mwa, ha, ha, ha, ha.

—Wow, so you’re doing all of this for the Nobel Prize? That’s very easy to arrange. I know many of the committee members. I’ll recommend you to them. I mean, look at the nice robot you put together. Surely you’ll get the prize now.

—What? N-no, no — replied the doctor, and shook his head—. That’s not how it works. It doesn’t solve it just like that.

—Why not? You said you wanted the Nobel Prize, and I can help you get it. You get your prize and the city doesn’t get trashed. We all win.

—You are not understanding. —Odysseus leaned the robot against a building and crossed his arms, which made him look like an angry teenager, of course, if it were twenty meters high—. Besides, it’s not about the prize anymore. They have to pay.

—Who?

—What do you mean, who? The committee members.

—All right, who are they? Can you tell me their names? We’ll file a report at the police station, and an investigation will begin. I myself will take care of bringing them to justice, if any injustice was committed, which, I’ll be honest, doesn’t seem to be the case.

Dr. Odysseus was speechless. He wasn’t sure if this trashy hero was serious or if his powers had simply fried his brain.

—Are you stupid? —said the Dr Odysseus. Those people have a lot of influence and power. They are untouchable. They will never set foot in jail, they have too much money for that. You didn’t pay attention, did you? They destroyed my research; they registered all my inventions in their name. Remember the golden rule: he who has the gold makes the rules.

—If I bring them to you to kill them, will you stop destroying the city?

—No.

—Why?

—Because that would be too easy, they should learn their lesson. They should have respected me.

—And what is their fault? —said Captain Infinity, pointing to all the citizens hiding down the street. Dr. Odysseus peered through the glass of his giant robot’s head to look at all the people in the city. Some were still covered in the white dust of the rubble—. Must everyone suffer for what a few people did?

—They didn’t respect me either.

—Are you sure? I see they respect you a lot now . —Replied Captain Infinity, trying to meet the Doctor’s gaze.

The citizens of Hypercity nodded at the same time. They all respected the huge robot of the evil Dr. Odysseus.

—Your robot is very shiny, sir —said a random citizen.

—Oh, shut up! —and Dr. Odysseus fired his robot’s laser beam. A purple beam of light shot out toward a nearby office building. When the beam stopped, the building had a circular hole in it, the edges of which glowed white hot. The structure creaked frighteningly, but stood upright.

When Captain Infinity had ascertained that the building would not fall, he returned to his opponent and looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

—Are you sure this is all about the prize? —he asked.

—You just don’t understand. I did everything for that prize. I gave my body and soul, I endured what no one should have to endure, precisely so that no one else would suffer what I did. The other scientists are on drugs, or lying around drunk in bars and parties. I did everything right for years. I was never late to the lab once. I refused to have a life, and what did I get? Hate, envy and reproach, exactly what you are doing. The world I wanted to improve turned its back on me.

—Wow, how very dramatic. So… You wanted to be a scientist to get glory and applause, and not because you enjoyed being a scientist?

—The award meant more than you can imagine, it was a symbol that everything I had been through had been worth it. Everything had a purpose. But now the damn award doesn’t matter anymore, and neither do the council members. What you did to me can no longer be repaired. I mean, what they did to me. The world must be punished for it.

—I think you’re actually looking for attention.

—What?

—Think about it —said Captain in an eloquent tone—. You didn’t get the award, so you’re destroying the city to get that recognition…

—No! It’s not that deep.

—…You know, all that stuff about there being no good or bad fame.

—I really just want to destroy things —replied Doctor with a serious expression.

—All this sounds more like the tantrum of a child who doesn’t get enough attention, and let me tell you, that’s pretty sad, Ody.

—I will kill everyone! —shouted Dr. Odysseus.

Captain Infinity was silent for a moment, trying to decide if the villain was serious. Then he spoke in a calm voice with a relaxed attitude.

—Very well. And then what?

—What do you mean, and then what? —asked Dr., not expecting that answer from the superhero.

—I mean, if your goal is to kill everyone, what will you do when there is no one left?

—Then I will definitely be the best.

—Well, that’s one way of looking at it, but you’re not really solving the problem. If you isolate yourself, you’re just ignoring reality. It’s not like you won the Nobel Prize fair and square, you didn’t do anything to improve and achieve your goals.

—I’m tired of improving. I always had to be the pioneer, the one working overtime. I was only loved because of my work. Years and years of being the best, but when I stopped, you never asked why I stopped. You just pushed me aside and called me. I mean, they called me useless. No one gave a moment’s thought as to why I stopped. And when I needed them the most, I stopped being worthy of their understanding; I stopped being worthy of calling myself a person and I became, no, they turned me into this monster you see now in front of you… All because I stopped working just once.

—Boy, that sounds complicated. If you want help, you can always try exercising. I’ve heard it helps improve people’s moods.

—Forget it! Better prepare to die.

—If I let you win, you’ll be happy?

—What? No!

—Maybe if he fought you and beat you, you’ll seek revenge and that will give you motivation to get better again.

—Of course not, now shut up!

—Although if I let you defeat me you will become famous …. and then you will get the recognition you wanted so much!

—You are aware that I am listening to you while you make your plans, aren’t you?

—That’s right! Crush me! -he exclaimed with a smile.

The Captain’s enthusiasm was disproportionate to the situation.

—Now I’m not going to do it.

—Sure you are. Look, right here, on the chin.

—You’re not!

—Come on, Ody, release all that frustration inside you, I can take it!

—Don’t think I don’t see what you’re trying to do.

—I don’t know what you’re talking about.

—You’re trying to manipulate me into having a purpose in life beyond my revenge.

—N-no, not at all. What makes you think that?

—You know what? You won’t get it.

—I swear I’m not trying to do that.

—Stop it! I have nothing to prove to you. In fact, I have nothing to prove to anyone.

—Holly guacamolly!

—You heard right. I spent my whole life working to prove I was a good scientist, and now I’m working to prove to the Nobel committee that I’m a threat. Well, you know what? You and the Nobel prize people can go to hell. From now on I’m just going to do things for me, that’s it. I’m going to scratch my belly until I die.

Captain Infinity frowned in a fierce grimace, suddenly his voice and attitude were no longer so calm.

—Don’t think I’ll let you, young man! —He threatened—. You don’t know what you’re saying.

—Oh, I know exactly what I’m saying, and guess what, if you want to stop me, you’ll have to get me out of the house.. I was a fool to think you wanted to help me. Winning the world’s approval is impossible, and it’s an empty thing, so I’m just going to seek my own. I’m not going to kill anyone, I’m not going to win any damn prizes. I’m just going to sit around all day doing nothing, playing video games and eating junk food. And when people come to tell me: “You should go and do this or that”, I will answer them: that would be pointless, any decision in life is an illusion, because we are all children of luck and any action we take is futile, because the universe doesn’t give a damn about us, and ultimately, we are all going to die!

—But why? Why do you insist on throwing your life down the drain?

—Because I hate this unfair world! —And Dr. Odysseus burst into bitter tears—. But more than that, I hate myself….

Dr. Odysseus’ action figure fell to the floor in front of Jacob. His father, looking at him in dismay and sadness, still holding the incredible Captain Infinity in his hands.

— I’ve had enough of pretending. I’ve had enough… of everything. —said Jacob, wiping away his tears. This is awful therapy, Dad.

—Son, it’s just that I can’t…

—I just wanted you to be proud of me for once. The only thing I regret is that I didn’t end it all sooner. I’m ill. But no, you’re absolutely right. I am the villain.

The end.

July 20, 2024 03:05

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