A Loaded Donkey Doesn't Stand Still

A loaded donkey doesn’t stand still. Those were the first words she thought of when she saw the donkey from her hiding place. Celine was in trouble again. She was always in trouble. She tried to behave like everyone, she really did. For a fews days she would hold her tongue, keep her observations to herself and not challenge anything her Mother told her. Then it would happen, the words would crawl out of her heart, swim though her mind, and break loose from her lips. Gran would get that smile on her face, the one she tried to hide from Mommy, and Mommy would get the switch. Anger was her mother’s response to almost everything she did other than sleeping. Her very existence seemed to be a personal insult to her mother. Celine was the seventh daughter of the seventh daughter. Gran had seven daughters, six died before reaching marriageable age, and Mommy, the lone survivor, had six strapping boys before she had tiny unconquerable Celine. Celine was an accident according to her Mother, but if you asked Gran, she would say Celine was a surprise. Celine once asked her what the difference was. Gran told her “ an accident is something bad that you weren’t expecting. A surprise is something good that you didn’t even know you could expect.” Celine knew Gran said those things to make her feel better, but she knew the truth: her mother didn’t love her.

It wasn’t Mommy’s fault and Celine didn’t blame her. She knew Majolie tried to love her, she really did. It was hard being the center of everyone’s world for most of your life, then to have your place taken over by a stranger. Before her daughter, Majolie had been her mother’s world. Marie named her daughter Majolie, which means my pretty one, because in her eyes there hadn’t been anything more beautiful. Then she got married and her husband treated her like a queen, especially after giving him six healthy young men to help him work their farm. Then Celine came along. The pregnancy was arduous, and the delivery painful. Majolie wouldn’t stop bleeding and Marie feared she would lose her only child. Marie watched the two of them struggle to live, and couldn’t decide who to pray for. She was afraid to ask God for both their lives, fearing He would think she was greedy. 

Celine was strange to everyone except her Gran. When she was born Marie looked at the tiny girl with the big bright eyes and named her Celine, because her eyes were as bright as the sky and her heart would match it’s dimension. Celine didn’t mind her lack of maternal love, she had her Gran’s love. Marie loved her tiny granddaughter, she called her un seul badjo, my one and only. Marie also understood the reason why her daughter could not seem to find love and patience for the wild little girl. Even as an infant she was considered strange. She never cried, she would stare at people, making eye contact long before infants were supposed to. The villagers whispered about black magic. They whispered about the dark skinned baby with the strange eyes, not quite blue, not quite green. They wondered why she didn’t cry or fuss as babies do. Only Gran’s authority stopped them from completely shunning the child. In their tiny village of Plaines D’amour, Gran was considered the chieftain. Folks came to their house seeking her advice every day of the week. No decision was final until Gran had her say.

She always protected Celine from her Mommy’s wrath. But not this time. This time, not even Gran could save Celine. Today was her 18th birthday, and they had a visitor on their farm. Mamam Jane only came to your house when a marriage contract was being discussed.

As she grew up, her strangeness became even more apparent. As if her strange eyes weren't bad enough, Celine had dreams. She had dreams of leaving the tiny village and seeing Port-Au-Prince. Even more, she wanted to get on a plane and possibly leave the country. She wanted to travel to France, or maybe even Africa. When she was six, her grandmother loaded Bourik, their donkey, and placed the little girl on the animal. She walked the seven miles to the missionary post, where the blancs, the french missionaries, were teaching children how to read. Majolie never learned to read, and considered it a waste of time to teach Celine. She felt the little girl was strange enough, she didn’t need the blancs putting strange ideas in her head. However, no one could stop Gran when she had an idea, not even Majolie’s tears or temper tantrums. In the end Majolie didn’t have a choice as no one went against Gran. Besides, going to school kept the thorn from her side. Celine was gone all day long, and she didn’t have to fight that terrible feeling that invaded her heart when she looked at her only daughter. 

For Celine, school was a refuge. She wasn’t strange in school. The teachers loved her inquisitive mind. Her friendly warm nature drew them in, and Celine’s heart, large as the sky, endeared her to them. Her teachers gave her books, clothes, and toys. One teacher in particular, developed a great attachment to the little girl. Marjorie Longcamp. Marjorie joined UNICEF after the death of her son, which led to the subsequent ending of her marriage. Marjorie wanted, no she needed, to find meaning in the world. Her parents, who were missionaries, told her God had a plan for everyone. Marjory wanted God to go back to the drawing board, but since it wasn’t her right to question His decisions, she packed her bags and left Marseilles. The day Marjorie met little Celine was one of the most profound days of her life. She was lost and hurting on the anniversary of her son’s birth. Sitting under a Mapou tree. She was fighting tears watching the rain fall on a sunny day, when a little voice said “ what do you think she did to him?”. Startled Marjorie turned to find a tiny little girl sitting on the other side of the large tree trunk staring out into the rain. Marjorie had lived in Haiti for close to a decade at this time, and had no trouble understanding the sweet child's question, but she didn’t understand the context. Her confusion must have been on her face because the child explained.

“ The devil.” she added as if that cryptic word would clear everything up. Marjorie would learn these encounters were typical for Celine. She would also learn to love these conversations over the next few years. On that sunny rainy day though she was confused. Celine took a deep breath as if to resign herself to the stupidity that followed her everywhere and explained further. “ Gran says that when it rains on a sunny day. It means the devil is beating his wife. What do you think she did this time?”

The little girl continued “ I feel bad for her, I get the switch all the time. I think that people who are big shouldn’t hit people who are small.” Then she asked “ Why are you crying?” 

It wasn’t until after she returned the child to her grandmother, that she realized for the first time since her son’s death, her heart didn’t hurt. A few months after she started teaching Celine she learned what un seul Badjo meant. That day she asked Marie “ Why do you call her that? You have a daughter and six grandsons?” Marie paused before answering “ She's not my only child, she is my only hope.” Marjorie understood exactly what Marie meant, because the little girl was becoming her only hope. The two women from completely different lives bonded, formed a friendship based on hope. Hope that life was purposeful, that God heard prayers, and that when you least expected it, life would give you a fair turn. In the subsequent years they conspired against Majolie, foiling her plans to sabotage her daughter’s education. Everyweek, Celine would get on the donkey’s back and ride down the mountain to the school. Gran took her when she was young, but eventually Celine would ride Bourik down the mountain alone. Celine prospered.

Time however, would wait for no one. The years passed, Celine bloomed, and Gran aged. Marie understood she couldn’t stop the time, sooner or later she would die, and no one would be able to protect Celine. Majolie would marry her to some dirty feet pig farmer, who would destroy the joy in her un seul Badjo. She won most of their battles, but eventually Majolie would win the war. One morning, not too long before Celine’s 18th birthday, she loaded Bourik, and went down the mountain to speak with Marjorie. Marie knew Marjorie loved the girl, she hoped that love would be enough to save the girl. Marie didn’t trust the blancs but over the years she came to trust Marjorie’s intentions. The two women met in silence and planned how to permanently remove the child from her mother’s influence. She didn’t share her plans with Celine, the girl was many things, but secretive wasn’t one of them. Marie planned and prayed for time. Then Maman Jane came to the house. 

The day started well enough. Gran woke her up, and gave her the gift she had been sewing for her. It was a beautiful dress the same color as her eyes. Celine loved the dress, she put it on and twirled for her grandmother as the two of them laughed. Even Mommy seemed happy to see her when she joined her family for breakfast. Mommy smiled and talked about the day being special. Joy filled Celine’s heart, dread filled Gran’s. The wise old woman bit her tongue and set her plans in effect. She secretly sent one of the boys with a message to Marjorie letting her know the time had come. As the old saying went, showing teeth doesn’t make it a smile. Marie waited for her beloved enemy to strike. She waited all day for Majolie to reveal what she had done , until right before dusk, she saw Maman Jane coming on her donkey. Then she knew. Majolie had given Celine away to someone, whom Gran knew would be most unsuitable. Celine also knew at that point that her life would never be the same.  

It wasn’t marriage she was afraid of, but she knew her mother would not make the best decision for her. This was where Majolie had all the power, no one could overrule a marriage contract. Whoever her mother chose for her, she would not be happy. Majolie turned and looked at her to see Celine’s reaction to her coup. Celine showed no fear, instead, she squared her shoulders. Disappointment pinched Majolie’s beautiful face, but she too was determined to see this through. 

“Vini, come ” Gran said to her only hope. Marie grabbed Celine’s hand taking her back inside the house. Inside Gran pulled her in her arms and allowed the girl to cry. There was no shame in tears. “ Tande, listen. I want you to go to the forest, walk until you reach that big Mapou tree where you used to hide when you were little. Climb in your hiding place and wait. I knew the time would come when I couldn’t protect you. So I am sending you with someone who can give you the life you were meant to have. Marjorie is waiting for you at the school. Your mother thinks she is smarter than me but she is not. You can’t stay here, you will die here long before they put you in the dirt.” Marie stopped when Celine began to sob in earnest. “This is your only chance, your only hope. I will send Bourik to you in a little while. They will expect me to be part of the contract negotiations. By the time everything is agreed and they call you, make sure you are far away from this mountain.” Marie held her tight, then walked out without looking back. She couldn’t look back, not without breaking. This was the last thing she could do for Celine, and she would see it through. After Gran left, Celine wiped her tears and ran into the forest.

A loaded donkey doesn’t stand still. Those were the first words she thought when she saw the donkey from her hiding place. Deep in the belly of the Mapou tree where Gran told her to hide, Celine watched Bourik trudge through the forest. The donkey had a large parcel strapped to his back, with additional items quickly wrapped in brown paper, all haphazardly tied together. “A loaded donkey doesn’t stand still” Gran would tell her. Everytime she would pack Bourik, the donkey would start moving around and it became difficult to keep her still. Gran said that people should be the same way, once you load your head with knowledge, you should not stay still. You should move, grow, be more. Gran had given her a loaded donkey, so she could grow, be more. She was un seul badjo. Celine crawled out of her hiding place, a rebirth from the womb of a Mapou tree. She was bloody from the scratches on her arms, but finally unbounded. Grabbing the donkey’s reins, Celine proudly and defiantly walked down the mountain into a future as bright as her eyes.