A MODEST WALL

(For the Lovers of a Modest Proposal by Jonathan Swift here is a relevent update for the modern erra…you have been warned.)

My dearest friends and compatriots of a true and real America, we have been in a crisis. Our resources, jobs, and even our very existence are taxed beyond what should be allowed. A strong country, we are not without limits. We have carefully structured our wealth so that we can afford to give ten per cent of our populace two million or more dollars to live for a year. Not to be elitist, forty percent of people receive nearly two hundred thousand dollars per year. Sadly, even rudimentary mathematics shows that the fifty per cent of the dirty plebian class must, by necessity, survive on less than fifty thousand a year. We should be aware of this and not unduly tax these unfortunates more than necessary. They need their scraps.

By such rough additive means, it is obvious that there is nothing left for that new individual “Dreamer” who seeks entrance into this country. If we can demonstrate this stark reality through basic mathematical means, a simple yet comprehensive solution can surely be found. A solution that not only addresses the plight of our citizens but also offers a better future for those who seek to cross our borders illegally. I firmly believe that such a solution exists.

After thoroughly studying the wisdom presented in the esteemed intellectuals' 2025 Project, I am convinced that the solution lies within its pages. It may not be explicitly stated, but the sentiments that underpin this intelligent work assuredly hold the key to our future.

Alas, I find myself in my excitement about my latest study of the work and am in danger of putting the cart before the horse. If I may prevail on your patience, allow me to backtrack. I beg a little patience, where I will mention some facts that at first seem entirely divergent from my main topic.

A finger in the damn

Last year, Mexico graced us with an excess of blessings, about 150,000 people in fact. Keep in mind that around 37.2 million people of Mexican origin already live in this great country. Not only is this growing drain on our resources a hard one to accommodate, but the civilised nature of this country is near being irreparably shifted by this exodus. Where does this put the real people of the country? We have a system that works and must not be unthinkingly tampered with.

For purely unbiased reasons, those in power who understood basic subtraction knew that those numbers coming into our sturdy, ever-accommodating country are unsustainable. Their reasonable panic led them to an instinctive (if not forward-thinking) response, a “We must stop them at all costs to protect cost!” response. A $21.3 billion in an uncompleted, unmaintained barrier, which, even if it had worked, would still have taxed the inflexible dedicated income of even the wealthiest; after all, the stratified distribution of wealth must be maintained at current uneven levels, and a wall which funding source was so unplanned threatened the most accomplished and worthy of us. We need to look beyond a strict fist-in-a-hole approach to holding back the waters. What solutions may be found?

A meaty idea

Americans spend 11.9% of their disposable income on food. Of that money, about 50% is spent on meat, about 224.6 pounds. This growing consumption equates to a meat industry that grosses $131.60 billion annually, which is expected to grow by 4.22 %. A remarkable profit machine, it is not an industry without significant waste. It is a shame as well that the monied fat that oils this mega-machine is not more accessible to the public and is instead tied up with the select few and misplaced governmental lobbyists. I suggest a strategy where both parties (those of a heathen nature who come into our country and those who justly appropriated this country so long ago) can benefit.

First, though, let's analyse some facts about the process of processing meat. You can assume about 40% to 50% of every animal disassembled to be eaten contains parts and pieces (bones, effluent, etc.) that are not strictly useable. So, say an animal of 10 pounds has only 6 to 5 pounds of useable product. This is not to say that a younger animal is not a delectable tender one, just that a greater number of small animals is needed to achieve the exact poundage of meat that fewer larger animals could achieve.

The American meat market is a (pardon the pun) surprising cash cow. This is not surprising since, at the last count, 349 USDA-certified slaughterhouses process poultry. Another 905 are solely focused on cattle, sheep and pigs. Few of any of these operate at capacity. What if there was a way that we could increase their intake to capacity with minimal advanced cost and a previously unimagined growth of profit? What if we added a selection of the tenderest of fine meats eagerly harvested from a species of long pig?

The Green Solution

Few of the populous know the monetary cost of raising a feed animal. Large animals like cows cost about $1000-$2000 a year to raise and maintain. A sheep $100- $300, a pig $200-$300. This cost is a generalized statement, as it does not consider vet bills or antibiotic treatments. It takes, on average, a minimum of four years to rear cattle to slaughtering weight, or as little as twenty months if you are looking for tender juvenile meat. In a year, a growing cow can drink 10,950 gallons, eat 18,000 pounds of hay and release up to 264 pounds of the environmentally toxic gas methane. Needless to say, the cost of mass production of animals for consumption is immense. However, it is still very profitable due to America's vital meat needs. The meat production business, however, could be much more profitable if we added a new source that produces and maintains itself and does not produce environmentally harmful gasses. It is a shame that, as a country, we have been ignoring a near-infinite replenishing resource that has literally been beating down our walls.

As has been established, the 150,000 immigrants a year that come to us are a burden to our solid but delicate economic system. What is worse is upon arriving in the States, many are forced to beg or drive locals out of their jobs as they consume the cheap labour market. This is unfair not just to the imagined natives of the country but also to the newly arrived immigrants. Is it the immigrating people's fault that they seek to survive? They see only the dream we all hold so dearly. These poor people, for we must agree they are truly poor, should have an option that could help us all.

As is well illustrated earlier by the statement that “37 million people of Mexican descent currently live in the States”, obviously, the Mexican people quite naturally have a rabbit-like means of proliferation. This should not be the cause of consternation my GOP fellows see it as. I will be bold enough to suggest that it is simply a lack of vision. With or without our help, the resident Mexican population grows, and the immigration population continues to flood all our legal damns. In a sense, we are a near-starving nation, but only starving because we refuse to look at the bounty at our feet.

Would a starving farmer refuse to be seated at a banquet if presented with unfamiliar foods, or would he fill his belly? Once more, if the very food the man ate dropped money on his plate, would he brush it aside, or would he happily accept it to his benefit? Now, let’s say this farmer has a crumbling wall that needs to be rebuilt to keep all sorts of wild animals from his fields, but this food that wanders to the table before him and bathes him in money divides half of itself and rebuilds that protection. What sort of fool would that poor, starving farmer have to be not to take advantage of such an event?

An answer waiting

4% of $131 billion is $5 billion. In four years, $20 billion would exceed the past cost of an $18 billion wall. In my plan, this sum would not be a tax levied on the belaboured and wealthy people in our country but one procured from the growth of our meat market. But why should the meat conglomerate willingly take on such a tax? After all, they buy, grow and maintain all the products. What reasons would they have to sacrifice that growth? Obviously, the answer is plain to us all. There are 150,000 reasons they could make such a decision, because I am proposing removing all their costs, at least in the growing portion of the market. I am also proposing giving those who struggle to reach our country a way to help themselves and benefit the country they strive to join.

Facts Of An Economic and Environmental Gold Mine

Like the theoretical starving man, we have our magical food gathering around our feet and climbing onto the table. About half of the immigrants that cross our border are female. These unfortunate unfortunates have the most promise of being beneficial as the funds for their work are primarily where the income is generated. Like with any food production, you need a selection of breeders. With no expansion or further development, we already have 75,000 potential breeders arriving at our feet. This, by itself, is a fantastic renewable source of food. On top of that, as reported in the Times, 750,000 migrant children have already arrived in the country as of 2023. Given the varying ages, we can approximate the average child's weight to be about seventy pounds. Knowing the weight loss to be around 40% when processing meats, we have twenty-eight pounds of the tenderest free-range long pig or 21,000,000 lbs of product waiting to be harvested as we wait for the complete system of thoughtful harvesting to get up and running.

The remaining 75,000 yearly immigrants can be employed by providing the brute labour needed to build the wall. They would be paid a portion of the profits provided by the youth and the breeders. Using the profits to pay for the minimal medical needs needed in meat production is customary. This could work well for the people crossing in. This closed-loop would not tax our current system and would pay for itself. It also would provide great profit for our country.

This is also the most environmental solution as we use a resource that costs us nothing, neither in resource management nor financial cost. Even the most liberal tree-hugging individuals can understand this. We have eager fruit that falls from the tree onto our plates.

I have talked to many people in charge of The Heritage Project who have enviously spoken in length about how a dish of young long pigs adds a flavour to a meal like no other. Stewed, it makes a hearty soul-filling dish, and filleted, the flesh literally melts in the mouth. While it is true that the older unfortunates are, the gamier they become, one writer of the 2025 project expounded to me on the virtues of the defined flavour of jerky meat gained from older individuals.

Many of the GOP like to imagine themselves as the Spartans of ages past. This is a sentiment that I wholeheartedly agree with. America is the new age of Sparta, and the Mexicans who arrive are our Helots. Only our Helots have the chance to make something of themselves, but only if we allow them by allowing ourselves to be intelligent.

We can make Mexico pay for the wall and make the immigrants pay for their citizenship. My proposal, friends, is based on logic, need and profit. This is our solution writ large.