Dream Girl

 Dream Girl

She made her way across the parking lot and I sat stunned. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen and there she was, making her way quickly towards my car. Should I try to act cool and accidentally bump into her? Maybe say hi and pretend like I recognized her from somewhere. Or I’ll just do what I always do, sit quietly and let her go on her way, without the threat of embarrassment when she rejects me. 

She struggled to get into her car, with multiple bags in one hand and her purse in the other. As she reached into her bag to pull out her keys, a piece of paper floated out and landed on the asphalt. This was my chance. Jump out and exclaim, “excuse me ma’am, you dropped this!” She’ll be so overwhelmed by my kindness that we’ll be dating within minutes. 

Her car door slammed shut, engine revved to life, and she backed out, never to be seen again. Unless...what if that paper has her personal information? I sprang out of my car and reached for the paper, and brought it up to my face, adjusted my glasses and there it was.  Nothing useful. A list of random stuff. Dream crushed. What am I going to do with this? I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do, I’m gonna learn everything there is to know about my dream girl from this list and maybe just maybe the clues will lead me to my destiny. 

I looked at the first item on the list and then scanned the parking lot. Rope? Hmmm, let’s see.Hobby Lobby? Maybe. Staples? No chance. Best Buy? Certainly not. Home Depot? I think we have a winner. A woman who does her own home improvement projects? I like it. 

I left my car and decided to retrace her steps. I enter Home Depot, grab my cart, and make my way straight for the rope. How do you even buy rope? Ten feet seems sufficient. Check! Next on the list, a painter’s tarp. Oooh, I knew she was crafty. Probably redecorating a room in her home, although I don’t see paint on the list. Maybe it’s an oversight or she bought it weeks before. Yeah that’s probably it. The paint probably inspired the design. 

I continued to weave down the aisles grabbing item after item and getting a better picture of my dream girl, the interior designer. Next up is a sledgehammer. Not the most feminine of tools, but that’s what I love about her. She’s beautiful and strong. I bet she’s removing a wall to make the space more open. I’ve seen that trick on all the design shows. Next up on the list is bleach and assorted cleaning products. Makes sense. She probably has hardwood floors. I know how difficult it can be to get those paint stains out of the wood if you don’t act quickly. Let’s see, grab the bleach, some towels, and a mop. She’s thought of it all. 

Ok, last item on the list, duct tape. I wonder if she meant blue painter's tape. Seems more practical, but who am I to question my goddess. She’s probably been doing this for years. I’m a part time student and Uber driver, am I really going to pretend I know more than her. Toss the tape in the cart and let’s head out. I hit the cashier and as she scans my items I notice that her forehead scrunches up and she has a quizzical look on her face. “I swear I’m having deja vu right now!” she exclaimed,  “I just rang up all of these same items about a half hour ago”. 

We both had a laugh and I explained that my girlfriend was just in here buying these same items and I was just getting extras for her as a surprise. “You’re kidding me right?!” The cashier asked me with a stunned expression on her face. “That was your girlfriend? Funny because she was muttering about her cheating ex-boyfriend the whole time she paid.” So she’s single...nice. 

I confirmed that she was and that’s when fate stepped in to change my life forever. “You’ll never believe this, but I forgot to give her back her driver’s license when she paid, and I was going to have to try to track her down.”

“No need for that”, I let the cashier know, “I’ll run it over to her right now”. I paid my bill and made for my car. I followed my heart and it paid off. I had her address now! I would drive over, show her the list and return the license. She’ll be so excited and thankful that she’ll invite me right in and out love story will begin. 

I can see it now, we fall in love, buy a little fixer upper together, she designs the rooms, I do the heavy labor, and we live happily ever after. I pull up to the house and it’s just as cute as I figured it would be. I can do this! As I make my way up the sidewalk, I see that the windows are completely covered by something. That must be the room she’s working on. After two deep breaths, it’s time to do this. I knock at first gently and then with a bit more force. No answer. Maybe she’s not home. As I make my way back towards my car, I hear a muffled noise and turn around quickly. Sounded like it came from the back, perhaps she was in the yard and couldn’t hear me. 

As I circle around to the back, I hear it again and scan the windows when I see the slightest opening and I can’t help but peak. Yup, just like I thought, tarps spread out on the ground, with red paint pooled and splattered throughout. The bleach and mop in the corner, with the duct tape roll half used up. Is that the sledgehammer? Weird, it’s got red paint on it too. A little messier than I would have figured. And that’s when I see the rope winding across the floor. I follow its path as it makes its way towards a chair and I see a sight that will haunt me forever. Judging by the fate of her ex-boyfriend, I don’t think I want to be the next boyfriend.